LOVE BEACH

Let me start off by saying that this album will make you doubt the existence of a benevolent deity. Love Beach, ELP's fifth album, came on the heels of four masterpieces that helped to create prog rock as we know it. Then, came Works Volumes 1 and 2. That showed the band slipping. Then, label pressures and a desire to achieve commercial success resulted in Love Beach, a now legendary failure.

I came across this album after my friend lent me The Best of ELP to put on my iPod and after I acquired the excellent Brain Salad Surgery. I was blown away by tracks like Tarkus and Karn Evil, ELP were rapidly becoming one of favorite prog bands alongside Dream Theater, King Crimson, and Yes. Then I got this album. After giving it a few listens (one really must for prog albums), I concluded that ELP was dead to me. It was a full year and a half before I could even listen to a good ELP album.

Normally, I provide a track by track synopsis of each album, but if I even began to think about the individual tracks, my nose would bleed. I'm already typing with one hand so I can cup my nose if necessary. Now, I'm not one to condemn a band for selling out just because it becomes popular, but I do cry foul if a band comprises its vision to do so.

I took into consideration that their label was pushing them in their usual fashion to bleed their artists dry, but it astounds me that the boys down at A&R would release this. The only song that retains even a semblance to past glory is Officer and a Gentleman, but even that is horrible. Why did Keith abandon the polyphonic ensemble, an instrument created for him to discover new sonic territory? Why?! Instead he muddles about with lesser instruments. Greg and Carl's contributions also retain none of their old power and proficiency. If I didn't know better, I'd think the kids they use for those moronic "Kids Bop" CDs might have crafted this mess.

Some of you who are like me will be curious to check out this album to see if it lives up to its infamy. Instead, you should take out your wallet, extract however much you need to purchase Love Beach, burn it with a lit cigarette, then put out the cigarette in your eye. Trust me, it'll hurt at first, but you'll look better with an eye patch on your face than you will with Love Beach on your CD player.

Grade: F