LOVE BEACH

More contractual obligation. This manages to be even WORSE than WORKS VOL. 2, thanks to the nagging little fact that the music here was specifically written for this album, reportedly in the space of two days. I can believe it.

If the music were merely mediocre, I could forgive it, but the whole disc is just jaw-droppingly appalling at any moment. Not in an amusing, "point and laugh" sort of way. More in a "shocked and appalled" sort of way, sort of like the reaction to seeing a latter-day minstrel show. Sure, there were lame moments on previous albums, but I'm shocked and appalled that they produced something THIS bad.

Many of the band's fanboys will tell you that there are saving graces to this album. I disagree. "Canario" is more sub-Tomita kitsch, a tasteless synthed-up rendition of a classical guitar piece. And "Memoirs of an Officer and a Gentleman" is one of the most half-assed epics in prog history. It sounds like Emerson dusted off some half-finished motival ideas from his piano concerto, stuck them together with some wheezy synth passages and VOILÀ! Another epic is born.

Needless to say, the rest of the album is a nightmare of screeching synthesizer, bad lyrics and facile pop melodies. "Taste Of My Love" is the very definition of the word "execrable".

In short: this album is every bit as bad as you've heard. Stay away, far away, if you value your sanity.