UNCONDITIONALLY GUARANTEED

I'm surprised no one has bothered to review or rate this one yet -- is it really that rare? But considering what a stinking turd this record is, maybe that's not such a surprise. Don is holding wads of money on the cover, the title and whole package just reek of cynicism. This record is the ultimate sell-out, perhaps ever perpetrated by anyone. So much so it's almost like Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music" -- a put-on? a litmus test for true fanatics?

This album stinks so bad because it's really bad MOR r&b ballads that have nothing to do with the "Captain Beefheart" music that we know and love. The titles are a little weird perhaps, but this is extremely mainstream sounding popular music without a hint of anything that could be considered "progressive."

Perhaps Mr. Van Vliet's plan was to put out a blatantly commercial album that he KNEW would fail, so that record companys would just stop bothering him about "commercial potential" once and for all!

"Bluejeans and Moonbeams" from this same period is also pretty lame, but fortunately he rallied and his last 3 albums from 1978-82 range from very good to absolutely brilliant.