SLAVES AND MASTERS

Well, it was only a matter of time; Ritchie kicked Ian out of the band again. In came one of Ritchie's buddies from late-period Rainbow, one Joe Lynn Turner, bringing the Mk. count up to 5. Now don't get me wrong, I don't think Joe is a bad vocalist; heck, I like him way more than I do Coverdale. Furthermore, from a pure skill standpoint, he's a big improvement over late 80's Gillan. Unfortunately, while it is kinda nice to be rid of Ian's shattered vocals, those vocals at least made me remember at all times that I was listening to Deep Purple, even if only a shadow of prime Deep Purple. With Joe at the mic, though, there's NOTHING here to make me think I'm listening to a band significant enough for me to want to review them.

You have to forgive me, oh faithful reader; I just don't know how to adequately review an album like this, mostly because I tend to avoid music like this like the plague. I know that some people like this sort of music - I've even read somebody's claim that "Love Conquers All," a generic power-ballad that makes me puke up food that doesn't yet exist, is one of the best ballads ever written. I guess the rest of the album isn't as bad as it could be - once I get past the Final Fantasy synths and "evil" ominous vocal sounds that open the album, "King of Dreams" isn't that bad, "The Cut Runs Deep" is ok (I kinda like the segue from the generic Renaissance-like opening to the generic metallic riffage), and ... uh ... well, I don't passionately hate any single track on here (except for the aforementioned power ballad). "Fire in the Basement" actually has a decent opening riff, albeit a rip of "Wring that Neck." But sheesh, even those little details don't really save these songs, and there's not much I can figure out to say otherwise in the plus column. The album, as a whole, isn't that heavy, it's not that memorable, it's ... just a smoother, less awkward, slightly less artificial- sounding version of Blue Light, except without a couple of cool riffs or great guitar solo passages.

I guess I just can't understand why Ritchie thought the world needed more generic hair metal with stupid "mystical" album covers, or why the rest of the band members decided to shed all bits of individuality they might have had left. And honestly, I just don't understand how this could have ever been what "cool" people listened to. If ever there was an album that could remind me why Nirvana was a good and necessary thing for the music world, this is it. This isn't the worst music experience of my life, but it's hardly a time I'll look back on and cherish.