LES CYCLES DE THANATOS

[i]Distant cymbal crashes, controlled snare rolls brushed with the touch of a feather and an electric piano sounding unnervingly like Chick Corea and we're off into an ever descending journey to hell accompanied only by a dozen or so mute Frenchmen from Lyons sporting tight fitting Pringle jumpers, facial hair configurations designed by Deep Blue, and a general disregard for personal hygiene. Oh an' The Electric Light Orchestra and the Dutch '74 World Cup squad's hairdresser and fashion adviser is taggin' along for good measure. Pot-Pourri.

When I close my eyes and really listen to the sumptuous opener I see two things. The first is Valerie Leon and Claudia Cardinale having a catfight in 1968. The second is a crack-squad of teenage North Korean female unicyclists wearing brown and orange striped hot-pants waving ribbons in one hand and AK-47's in the other guarding a sacred river that has water so pure it is said to alleviate stresses from the back of one's mind caused by a general lack of understanding of how an ant can expect to see an average life-span of approximately five years.

This gentle opener can not prepare anyone for what is about to follow. The greatest piece of music ever created by humans.

If there was ever a detective series set in France from 1979 starring Alain Delon and Jean-Paul Belmondo as two men who wandered the rain drenched streets of autumnal Saint-Germain des Pres drinking Sancerre from hip-flasks and chain smoking Gauloises Brunes looking for whoever it was who stole Serge Gainsbourg's ashtray whilst driving their beat-up low-rider off-white Citroen SM in cream leather slip-ons then this is the opening sequence theme. Sounds a bit like what would happen if the drummer from Curtis Mayfield's 'Superfly' and the brass section of Out Of Focus with an unshaven Jannick Top on bass and Stevie Wonder on keys and a select, invitation only swarm of mosquitoes loaded on Valium with Bernard Herrmann orchestrating had an impromptu jam session on Concorde flying at low altitude over Big Ben. With brie.

Side two is one long, treacherous journey to escape Styx (unfortunately we also have to endure 'Paradise Theatre'). Originally commissioned for the aborted Alexandro Jodorowsky filming of 'Dune' this is one hell of a dark epic. Would have fitted the original King Kong perfectly.The music picks up after fifteen minutes but still manages to stay as depressing as finding a pubic hair embedded in your Big Mac and it comes as no surprise to learn that Art Zoyd used to join Vortex on stage to perform this at many of their shows.

Only 3000 copies were printed and mainly sold at their gigs. Track her down if you can.

Anyone familiar with The John Gregory Orchestra? Johnny did a lot of exotica and television and soundtrack work in the 60s and 70s and used to go by the nom-de-plume 'Chaquito'. In 1976 he released 'The Detectives' to a shocked world. His takes on 'McCloud' and 'Policeman' and 'The Rockford Files' raised the bar to such a height it was thought for the longest time that nothing could ever come as close to this for orgasmic aural pleasure again. They were wrong.

Theme from Shoestring excepted.[/i]