HERE IT IS

Like budget porn, Simon Railton's Here It Is is something that can only be enjoyed ironically. Cheap MIDI tones dominate the album; it's like listening to a Guitar Pro file- even with the Realistic Sound Engine applied, most tones sound phony. When the crackling piano enters, a wash of white noise arrives with it. The drums and bass are bereft of any trace of humanity- equal velocity throughout and very poor uses of repetition. The guitar tone is fuzzy and granular and constantly in metal-mode, lacking any feel for timing or dynamics. It seems like Railton has decent musical ideas, but lacks the compositional sophistication to give them context. Each passage occurs independently of the others in a given track. Things just happen. The compositions and the tones that represent them are completely lacking any human quality. Even if the production were realistic, it would not salvage the disarray of ideas so chaotically muddled together. I am baffled that this album was seen fit to be released on a major label- Musea no less. Video game music isn't even this bad.

"Here It Is" A cheap piano introduction kicks off the charade. Dehumanized drums and a monotonous bass line of a single note quickly launch into a sputtering mess of muffled, lumpy metal. The shrill synthesizer lead injects a painful element.

"Delirium" Hit-hat hits and a single rapid bass note devoid of any emotion or trace of genuineness open the second track. Chugging gusts of gagged guitar alternate with piercing keyboards.

"Zenith" A clean guitar opens the track promisingly, but it is interrupted by a thin particleboard electric guitar wash and those counterfeit drums. The piece goes into double-time at seemingly random intervals, launching into emotionless guitar and synthesizer solos. The piano clips like hell. The guitar solo during the second half is curiously unable to even keep time with the mechanical drums.

"Oblivion" Clipping piano and shoddy synthesizer backing ruin what could have been a worthy piece of music. Random guitar solos appear and the choice of notes is poor. The instruments often seem to be competing rather than cooperating.

"Bluegression" More bizarre rhythm changes and absurd transitions are found here. The electric guitar is doing one thing (poorly timed metal meanderings) while the other instruments carry on with something different. Folks, people just don't play drums like this.

"Intrusion" Three instruments solo in turn- first synthesizer, then the crispy piano, and then the MIDI bass. Following this, yet another series of bits and pieces come in sequence, ranging from horrific synth leads (think Tormato, only worse) to new age mischief. The drumming doesn't match the guitar, which doesn't match the bass, which doesn't match the keyboards- a royal mess.

"Dance Warrior" A cinematic pad opens this one, then stops completely to give way to a shoddy keyboard lead and those outrageously appalling drum sounds. Pseudo-metal passages enters from time to time. The tempo and rhythm changes are unsmooth, just sort of happening. The main theme is laughably dreadful, occurring at random intervals; it's so haphazard and goofy- the musical equivalent of Napoleon Dynamite on meth.

"Hatred" A fake cello begins the final instrumental of this disaster. High-pitched synthesizer pads play over it, and once everything stops, the clumsy guitar and bass enter. It worsens when it adopts a B-horror flick soundtrack mien. The guitar churns out indiscriminate blasts in one speaker while thin synth leads shrilly exit the other one.