SERENADES

7 ? Best Song: The stupid one with the French title

Oh, how this album channels deep into my soul, my windswept, despairing sense of inner turmoil, and characterizes the epitome of human suffering for all eternity. Serenades is a catechism of anguish and torment, FOREVER! Or, it could just be deathy doom metal with the same smoke- faced riffs populating the same dark, abrasive underground musical circles that've been popular ever since talentless hacks figured they could write songs about their silly emotions just the same as everyone else, which is doubly frustrating given that some poor sod could hear this first, instead of something along the lines of Plastic Ono Band, and be inclined for this and against that. That'd suck if John Lennon had a thing for Mayhem and Burzum and Black Sabbath. Can you imagine his musical output if he'd been alive to listen to Serenades? Mother! You had me, but I raped your eyes and devoured your maggot flesh! I tried to run, but I couldn't blah blah.

You get my picture, right? It's dumb as dirt and it doesn't even know it, that's saddening. Darren White's vocals are of the predictable cookie cutter variety, without even being a highlight of the spectrum. The guitars are melancholy and funeralesque, unsaintly and unsightly. The lyrics are your typical pain and suffering under an uncaring god fare. It's all torturously slow and sullen. I was just praying for a Moody Blues cover halfway through 'Sweet Tears'. And then, the other big fad in those special countries is the inclusion of a female 'opera' singer and soft elements to make them seem 'artistic' and 'special'. It's like the little boy who fingerpaints with everybody else, but decides to prick his finger and call it the void of theism to seem deep and profound.

The sandy and dungeon crawling atmosphere has been beaten to death with bricks, and the album does drag on by 'Under a Veil'. What dipshit recommended these guys to me?

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