THE MIRACLE

And thus begins Queen's dance of death, the grand hoax that ends the career to a band that once had real style and real melodies, now it's just this repetitive groove rocking without any stomach to it, no punch and?did they have Brian May on board just to strum one goddamn riff on the whole fucking record? I can see it now, they took him away from his duties as food-and-drink boy, and said 'here take this thing, I think you know how to use it' and handed the poor fellow an old rusted electric guitar that can barely even handle itself, then they all guffaw and poke fun at him while he tries as hard as he can to play as much as he can (which shows up in pretty much only "party'), and while he's playing, the band members are tossing cups at him and sneering hatefully. That's how I picture it, anyway. The rest of the record is a revisiting of A Kind of Magic, with maybe a harder rock edge (again without guitars?how the hell do they come up with such bad ideas?). Much of the songs seem idiotic and hokey on further inspection. 'The Invisible Man' is Freddie's take on the Ghostbuster's theme. I'm not lying to you, either. Do you want to know exactly what the title references? It's talking about how it's a damned miracle how I can still be alive after hearing this album all the way through. Yeah, that was a crap joke, but it fits a crap album, now doesn't it?

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