METALLICA & LOU REED: LULU

I loved 'Load'. I loved 'Reload'. I didn't mind when they did a covers album, or played with an orchestra. And I was one of the 17 people (including the band themselves? maybe) who actually liked 'St. Anger'. But with 'Lulu', Metallica (and Lou Reed, for that matter), have finally achieved their goal of making one of, if not THE, absolute worst album in music history.

The collaborative project between musical giants Metallica and Lou Reed, 'Lulu' is a 2011 concept double-album, and while the project initially sparked people's interest, the results very quickly became the subject of universal criticism.

And rightfully so.

I always give every album a fair number of listens, even ones I don't enjoy, hoping that something might just click or pique my interest after multiple listens. I listened to 'Lulu' three times, and it's been the three most tedious experiences I've had to endure. The songs are boring, the lyrics are awful, and the mash-up between Metallica's heavy metal and Lou Reed's weird style of talk-singing, or sing-talking, just don't work.

Musically, the album COULD have been okay. If James Hetfield was singing and this was another Metallica foray into alternative or art rock, it might have been listenable. But it's not. There's lyrical gems like "I would cut my legs and tits off when I think of Boris Karloff", and a song where Reed spends eight minutes asking "why do you cheat on me", and the whole time I hearing this, I'm picturing Lars Ulrich at some art gallery, trying to be all deep and introspective. But in reality, this is all an absolute pile of nonsense.

Nothing can redeem this album, and the only reason I have to keep it in my collection is because it's Metallica, and I have some rubbish OCD collector thing going on, that makes me need to keep it. Just don't even bother.