SGT. PEPPER'S LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND

Overall Rating: 12

Best Song: WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS, or LUCY IN THE SKY WITH DIAMONDS

Sgt. Pecker's Only tart's gloved hand is one of the worst things I've ever heard in my short life, and I'll never change my opinion on that one.

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band is a really good album, and I'll probably change my opinion on that in a few months. Now, my main dislike of the previous Beatles records, such as Rubber soul and Revolver, has been entirely rooted in the band's lack of consistency and memorability. I just listened to Rubber Soul, and I can't remember more than Norwegian Wood! Well, I can remember a few song names, but not how they go, or the words or melodies, or anything.

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band is the oft regarded "Greatest album ever made". I respectfully disagree. There is no such thing as a "Greatest Album", and if there was, it'd probably be something by Brian Eno. Still, I can't help but being drawn to this sucker much more than the records that came immediately prior to it. The first three songs are all so damn melodically intriguing, and they finally take the Indian instrumentation and studio 'wizardry' and formulate it into something aurally engaging, like wow, man. The cozy pop rock of With a Little Help, or the evolving, drug laced Lucy, it's good stuff, bub, and I make no reservations about saying that. I'm the farthest thing from a Beatles fan (hiss! hiss! lord save me!), but I know good, complex melodies. That was a lie, I don't know a good melody from my big, smelly...

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band isn't perfect, and it don't give me rich musical catharsis for the entire trip. Getting Better is still a little pedestrian, but maybe it's some of that trademark Beatles humor. Eh, screw it, it's still a dang fine pop tune, with just an ounce of necessary personality. The chorus is a real shot in the arm. Several hosts of critics have called this non-rock. They keep talking about supposed "cabaret" and "music hall". What are they smoking? Oh yeah, Marijuana. I need some. Does anybody know a good dealer where I can get me a dank dime bag?

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band is firmly rooted in pop and rock music, as always with The Beatles, they just veil their work in select coats of genre meshing. Fixing A-Holes, is distinctly pop, even if the dressing coat kinda screams theatre. Don't get me wrong, I love some theatre (no I don't), but the main melody just doesn't grab me and torture my ever-loving soul. It's lightweight, fluffy, commercial, even. That being said, it's cohesive, coherent, meshing, fluid, and consistent fluff. The songs flow into each other all interesting-like and keep things from being offensive. Nobody wants an offensive Beetles record, that would be blasphemous and musically profane, Billy. I know your name isn't Billy, that's what I call all the girls.

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band gets boring halfway through. Incidentally, this occurs congruent to the rise in string accompaniment. Heh, Eleanor Rigby was a damned albatross around their necks, if you ask me. But, you'd never ask me, you're probably a *vomit* Beatles fan! Excuse me if the melodies to She's Leaving Home and Mr. Kite just don't seem to go anywhere. I like the stuff, but gee, it's just standard stuff. No, no utterly world shatter musack, just nice melodies and a nice atosphere, that's utterly inoffensive, until you get to the "circus" freak-out in the middle, which I don't even care about one iota. The Doors did it in the same year, and even made the stuff menacing, so shove it!

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band has a lot of "forced" experimentation that seems tacked on to display the visage of intellect and depth, while I call it 'pure garbage'. Is Within You Without You supposed to be mantraic in it's Eastern dirge? If only they'd push the melodic limits as much as they pushed the instrumental limits, because this stuff deserves to be accompanied by something more mind blowing. I s'pose I'm biased with all my Ween records and Flaming Lips experimenting, and it gives me clouded vision when I look back at some of the "classic" artists and their works from this era, but the melodies just don't scream inside my skull. Am I asking for too much? The songs oft times feel painfully dated, and I've dated lots of girls...carbon dated. I'm a paleontologist, Your bones are in my milk grater, seeming woodly, ferrous aeroplane enigma. Are you one of them? Whiddly whiddly whiddly wheee.

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band has a lot of different moods. You got your astral psyche, your playful nostalgia pop, your cozy rock, your boring crap thrown in for good measure. This means you're bound to find something you like, even love, but because of the latter inclusion, you're also definitely bound to find something you probably can't stand. The concept is clearly a pure put on. It's a shtick, a scam, a game, a flimsy flan. Don't put much stock in it, it's no Jesus Christ Superstar. They didn't seem to put much stock in it, either. I mean, it dissolves after song one. What are we supposed to do, connect the dots on our very own? I guess you could call it a concept album for children, if you really wanna try. The story isn't hard to follow, and it's even got the mustaches to play with. All copies of the Wall should from now on be shipped with free coloring books. Did I say how boring side two gets? Except for When I'm Sixty-Four. That stuff is all sorts of quirky fun, good melody, too.

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band has A Day In The Life as a closer. Some folks call it the grandest song ever granded by God and his golden golf balls. Me, I love the first part, can't stand the middle part, and wish it was shorter. Go ahead and crucify me, I've been asking for it this whole time, but I am not giving it this rating out of randomness or any sort of enmity toward The Beatles, 'cause I really do like the stuff, and sometimes, I really like it. I never love it, though, and that's important to me. Buy it anyway, even if you hate this stuff. I can't see someone HATING it, I sure don't, because none of it's plain bad, and you're bound to enjoy the ride at some points, but don't go calling it the Greatest Album ever, because that right is reserved for the live recording of Frank Zappa's resurrection.

****

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