THE NUMBER OF THE BEAST

I've never understood the fascination with these inept pap-metal merchants. There's nothing visceral here, nothing that makes you sweat with fear. IRON MAIDEN produce relentlessly upbeat, simple rock songs that owe a great deal more to hard rock a la DEEP PURPLE and glam rockers like KISS than to true heavy metallers such as BLACK SABBATH. This surprisingly successful album demonstrates my point.

From the flat faux-operatic wailing of DICKINSON (hit the note, man!) to the frantic riffing of MURRAY and SMITH - why it takes two guitarists to make such a thin sound is beyond me - this is metal by numbers. Simple rock 'n' roll dressed up in halloween masks. How this band became wildly successful when far superior bands like RAINBOW did not can be attributed to their image and the record-buying public's reaction to the synth-pop fodder they were being fed at the time. There isn't a musician here who could hold a candle to anyone in the RAINBOW lineup, but they did have a good mascot.

What of the music? Well, there's no 'Stargazer' here, that's for sure. Nothing remotely as good. 'Children of the Damned' holds my interest for a moment or two, but apart from that and the faintly progressive 'Hallowed be Thy Name' there's nothing but spangly sterility here. Music for teenagers to annoy their parents with, nothing more. The sort of music I turn down out of embarrassment if anyone comes knocking at the door.