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Raff 
Special Collaborator 
Honorary Collaborator Joined: July 29 2005 Location: None Status: Offline Points: 24429 |
 Topic: Late to work? Try one of these!Posted: April 07 2009 at 09:00 |
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http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/worklife/04/06/cb.funny.excuses.late.work/index.html?iref=mpstoryview
If you have heard other preposterous excuses along these lines, please post them here - or even make your own up  !Edited by Raff - April 07 2009 at 09:00 |
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memowakeman
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator Joined: May 19 2005 Location: Mexico City Status: Offline Points: 13032 |
Posted: April 07 2009 at 10:24 |
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I was drunk and suddenly woke up in another city, so my plane didn't make it to arrive early
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Follow me on twitter @memowakeman |
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TheCaptain
Forum Senior Member 
Joined: January 04 2009 Location: Ohio, USA Status: Offline Points: 1335 |
Posted: April 07 2009 at 11:59 |
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The alignment of the heavenly bodies created an unusually strong gravitational force on my house so I couldn't get out of bed.
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Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal.
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progaeopteryx
Prog Reviewer 
Joined: June 03 2005 Location: Refrigerator Status: Offline Points: 3613 |
Posted: April 07 2009 at 18:06 |
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My car broke down, so I had to use my office chair.
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someone_else
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member Joined: May 02 2008 Location: Going Bananas Status: Offline Points: 24382 |
Posted: April 08 2009 at 07:42 |
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The non-linear, whimsy nature of time worked against me.
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TGM: Orb
Prog Reviewer
Joined: October 21 2007 Location: n/a Status: Offline Points: 8052 |
Posted: April 08 2009 at 10:14 |
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Seriously, I'd believe two of those.
One I'm sure will come up at some point 'What do you mean, I can pause mid-album?!' |
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chopper
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator Joined: July 13 2005 Location: Essex, UK Status: Offline Points: 20030 |
Posted: April 08 2009 at 10:21 |
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None of them match the one someone in our office used once. He couldn't get his car out of his drive as there was an injured hedgehog in it and he couldn't move it because it was a rare protected species of hedgehog so he had to call the RSPCA and wait for them to come and retrieve it.
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Vompatti
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member Joined: October 22 2005 Location: elsewhere Status: Offline Points: 67417 |
Posted: April 08 2009 at 10:25 |
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My moustache got stuck on a harmonica so I couldn't get past the door.
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npjnpj
Forum Senior Member
Joined: December 05 2007 Location: Germany Status: Offline Points: 2720 |
Posted: April 09 2009 at 05:08 |
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I have sticky-mattress disease. |
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The Quiet One
Prog Reviewer
Joined: January 16 2008 Location: Argentina Status: Offline Points: 15745 |
Posted: April 10 2009 at 16:07 |
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Hey! What about, late to class? Or "forgot" homework? haha, there must be billion of classics there..
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Vompatti
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member Joined: October 22 2005 Location: elsewhere Status: Offline Points: 67417 |
Posted: April 10 2009 at 16:27 |
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The dog ate it.
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The Quiet One
Prog Reviewer
Joined: January 16 2008 Location: Argentina Status: Offline Points: 15745 |
Posted: April 10 2009 at 16:38 |
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^hahaha, that one is a classic.
Let me tell you one that my friend told the teacher(about homework): "I gave it to kiosc sales-man(of the school)" The worst thing was, it was true!! How the heck, he thought to give it to the kiosc sales-man!??!! Totally hillarious! |
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Dean
Special Collaborator
Retired Admin and Amateur Layabout Joined: May 13 2007 Location: Europe Status: Offline Points: 37575 |
Posted: April 10 2009 at 18:23 |
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Not so much an excuse, but one of the more elaborate ruses I've seen: Looking out of the window one morning I saw one of the Engineer's cars pull into the rear car park about 50 minutes late, the guy got out of the car, opened the boot (trunk), removed a lab-coat and put it on, then pulled out a multimeter and walked over to the external door to the plant/boiler room, unlocked it with a key from his pocket and went in. Puzzled and a little intrigued, I decide to go down to the lab to see what's going on. As I approach the internal plant room door, it opens and out steps the Engineer, his lab-coat now covered in dust and grime, with oily black smears on face and hands.
"Wazzup?" I ask.
"Problem with the backup compressor", he says as cocky as hell, "taken me nearly an hour to fix it." ...
"That's a shame," I reply, trying to keep a straight face, "you just missed the Stripagram..."
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What?
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Dean
Special Collaborator
Retired Admin and Amateur Layabout Joined: May 13 2007 Location: Europe Status: Offline Points: 37575 |
Posted: April 10 2009 at 20:18 |
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Being a night person I cannot get up in the mornings and never have been able to - even if I do get up early and make it in "on time" I am essentially useless for the first couple of hours until my body-clock catches up with the rest of the world - I make up for this by working late and find that I get much more work done after everyone else has gone home. On balance the company gets more hours out of me than they pay for. Over the years several managers have tried to "fix" this irregularity (all of these are genuine exchanges - many of them with the same guy - he and I never saw eye-to-eye), I never give excuses or reasons, here are a few:
Manager: "Why are you late?"
Me: "Why are you're ugly?"
Manager: "With that attitude you won't be here long."
Me: "I'll be here longer than you."
Manager: "You should have been here 15 minutes ago"
Me: "Why, what did I miss?"
Manager: "Everyone else starting work on time."
Me: "That must have been impressive. What have you done so far today?"
Manager: "What makes you think you can work different hours to everyone else?"
Me: "Production calling me out at 10:30 last night to fix a problem that couldn't wait until morning and then working until gone midnight so they didn't have to cancel the night-shift."
Manager: "Why do you get here so late?"
Me: "To reduce the possibility of them firing you and giving me your job."
Manager: "Have you any idea what time it is?"
Me: *pulls up sleeve to reveal lack of wrist watch* "No."
Manager: "It's now 9:30"
Me: "Will you be here to tell me the time when I clock-off too?"
Manager: "I think you should start work at the same time as the rest of us."
Me: "I already do."
Manager: "No you don't!"
Me: "Yes, I do..."
Manager: "You get here half an hour after everyone else!!"
Me: "True, but I don't spend the first 30 minutes of the day drinking coffee and discussing last night's football results like everyone else."
Manager: "Come in late again and I'll dock your wages."
Me: "Dock my wages and I'll start claiming overtime."
Manager: "You're not paid overtime."
Me: "I'm not paid by the hour either."
Manager: "Did you oversleep?"
Me: "No, when I oversleep I don't come in at all."
Manager: "So you think oversleeping is a valid excuse for pulling a sickie."
Me: "No, when I'm sick I take sick leave, when I oversleep I book the day off."
Manager: "Do you think you can get here at the same time as everyone else?"
Me: "Only if everyone gets here at the same time as me."
Manager:" Do you think it's fair on the others if you start late all the time?"
Me: "If I'm in a bad mood, yes."
Manager: "Your bad timekeeping is unacceptable."
Me: "I get the job done - on time."
Manager: "If you weren't so good at your job I would have fired you months ago."
Me: "If you were any good at yours I would have let you."
Manager: "How much time each week do you think you waste by getting in late?"
Me: "None."
During one performance appraisal one recently appointed manager decided that was an opportune moment to pull me up on my tardiness.
Manager: "This really isn't good enough."
Me: "Good enough for what?"
Manager: "You can do better than this."
Me: "In what way?"
Manager: "By improving your timekeeping."
Me: "All the other little tick-boxes on your little tick-sheet are 'Very Good' or 'Excellent'."
Manager: "Your timekeeping is 'Poor'."
Me: "My timekeeping is just fine, it's just slipped relative to everyone else."
Manager: "It's making you look bad."
Me: "No, it's making you look bad."
Manager: "Then it's my job to fix that."
Me: "Then put me on flexi-time."
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What?
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The Quiet One
Prog Reviewer
Joined: January 16 2008 Location: Argentina Status: Offline Points: 15745 |
Posted: April 11 2009 at 16:59 |
*laughs out loud for minutes!!!*   Man, can you get funnier thanthis???!!I need to save this somewhere, and show it to some friends, really awesome, hahaha. |
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June
Forum Senior Member
Joined: November 03 2008 Location: Montreal Status: Offline Points: 6521 |
Posted: April 11 2009 at 20:24 |
 I'm actually NEVER late for work, but every now and then, I have bad dreams about getting late and having to use an office chair is often part of those idiotic nightmarish reasons why I can never reach work
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Late to work? Try one of these!
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Dean wrote: