Two Cows

DEMOCRATIC
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?


SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk
the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
 You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You  force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are
surprised  when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you  have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

 FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

 JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
  You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk.  They learn to travel on unbelievably
crowded trains.  Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

  GERMAN CORPORATION
  You have two cows.
 You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent
 quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also
demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
 
  ITALIAN CORPORATION
  You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
  While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
  You break for lunch.
  Life is good.

  RUSSIAN CORPORATION
  You have two cows.
  You have some vodka.
  You count them and learn you have five cows.
  You have some more vodka.
  You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
  The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.


  TALIBAN CORPORATION
  You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
  You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature' private
parts.  You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find
alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

  IRAQI CORPORATION
  You have two cows.
  They go into hiding.
  They send radio tapes of their mooing.


  POLISH CORPORATION
  You have two bulls.
  Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
(It's okay, I'm Polish and I laughed)

  BELGIAN CORPORATION
  You have one cow.
  The cow is schizophrenic.
  Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.  The
Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.  The French cow wants
control of the Flemish cow's milk.  The cow asks permission to be cut in
half.  The cow dies happy.


  FLORIDA CORPORATION
  You have a black cow and a brown cow.
  Everyone votes for the best looking one.
  Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally
vote  for the black one.  Some people vote for both.  Some people vote
for neither.  Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally,
a bunch of guys  from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the
best-looking cow.

  CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
  You have millions of cows.
  They make real California cheese.
  Only five speak English.
  Most are illegals.

 wow I actually really enjoyed what was probably a email joke for the first time ever.

http://en.wikibooks.org/wiki/You_have_two_cows

Here are my favorites:

Ingsoc:
You have two cows, and you provide them with plenty of fresh Feedcow and clean, cool Cowdrink. However, Mincow declares this to be a Cowcrime. You are taken away to have your Cowthink realigned with that of the Party. When you return you realize that your two cows are actually five.

Objectivism:
   1. You have two cows. They are married. One of them has an affair with Ayn Rand while writing lots of philosophical work. The relationship goes south, Rand excommunicates said cows, declares that cows are irrational.
   2. Cow is Cow.

Xangaism:
You have two cows. You write about how they sit around and do nothing for a few weeks, then realize no one reads your stupid website and slit your wrists while listening to Good Charlotte.

Sweetnighter wrote: Here are my favorites: Ingsoc: You have two cows, and you provide them with plenty of fresh Feedcow and clean, cool Cowdrink. However, Mincow declares this to be a Cowcrime. You are taken away to have your Cowthink realigned with that of the Party. When you return you realize that your two cows are actually five.

 

Moo!

Jim Garten wrote: BRITISH SYSTEM: You have two cows You give them to George W Bush You close another hospital Life is good PROGARCHIVES SYSTEM You have two cows You start a poll to choose the best Reed Lover disagrees with the result Anarchy ensues with much weeping, wailing & kicking of teeth The inevitable question arises - are chickens cows? Another poll begins

That's not fair,I only disagree with the results i dont like!

 

Velvetclown wrote: Here´s the REAL COW !!!!!!!!!!

 

Hmm I might let her milk me.