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Gentle Ronnie 
Forum Senior Member 
Joined: March 17 2005 Status: Offline Points: 540 |
 Topic: Some of the reviewers deserve to be shot.Posted: March 20 2005 at 03:22 |
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A good example is the person who reviewed Mars Volta's Frances The Mute album... twice.
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The-Bullet
Forum Senior Member
Joined: January 23 2005 Location: United Kingdom Status: Offline Points: 401 |
Posted: March 20 2005 at 03:29 |
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thrice
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"Why say it cannot be done.....they'd be better doing pop songs?" |
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Miaugion
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 22 2004 Location: Christmas Island Status: Offline Points: 295 |
Posted: March 20 2005 at 03:44 |
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 MARS VOLTA, THE - Frances The MuteReview by aenimated @ 12:27:09 AM EST, 2005-03-20  — After hearing so much about these guys, I decided to get one of their albums, what I was treated with was a hour session of the WORST prog-rock has to offer. The singer for the Mars Volta (some stupid name like Omar or Cedric or something), sounds like a girl, if I heard this on the radio without listening to deeply I would think that the vocalist is a girl, but surprise surprise, it's some faggot with an afro. The whole CD manages to crap on about some spanish crap or another, I'm sure all the pseudo-intellectuals are going to rush out, listen to this crap and analyze it's crappy features. Jesus, if only they played more Opeth on the radio instead of this overused trash. ___
I agree that the album is boll*x and that the emperor is indeed naked. But the singer doesn't sound like a girl but like a braindamaged Robert Plant.
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Miaugion
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 22 2004 Location: Christmas Island Status: Offline Points: 295 |
Posted: March 20 2005 at 03:53 |
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 PINK FLOYD - The Delicate Sound of ThunderReview by Pink Floyd fan @ 4:50:59 PM EST, 2005-03-19  — How can anybody say it's one of Pink Floyd's best albums?! I heard just one song of it- "Learning to Fly"-OH MY GOD! Even I could play it better. I have all of Pink Floyd, except for that album. Even though it's brilliantly planned, the band should review how to play instruments and sing. Personally, I judge the music itself, no matter how complicated it is or how it's planned out. Plus, the only worthy Pink Floyd album after Roger left is "A Momentary Lapse Of Reason". Pink Floyd is only Floyd without Waters. ___
Another highlight. The two closing sentences are amazingly misplaced (says my handbook of textual coherence).
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DepthCharge
Forum Newbie 
Joined: March 20 2005 Location: Netherlands Status: Offline Points: 3 |
Posted: March 20 2005 at 03:57 |
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I wouldn't review TMV yet... to me Frances the Mute is a very hard one to get into, but admittedly it does have its brilliant parts. Would take a lot more time for me to digest, but it just COULD turn out to be a "grower"... As for the reviews meant here, they tend to turn the review section of this site into a joke and a bad one at that. |
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Miaugion
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 22 2004 Location: Christmas Island Status: Offline Points: 295 |
Posted: March 20 2005 at 04:05 |
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Logos
Prog Reviewer 
Joined: March 08 2005 Location: Finland Status: Offline Points: 2383 |
Posted: March 20 2005 at 04:08 |
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Moderators ohoy!
These "funny" reviews IMO should be deleted!!  |
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DepthCharge
Forum Newbie
Joined: March 20 2005 Location: Netherlands Status: Offline Points: 3 |
Posted: March 20 2005 at 04:10 |
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Errrm right... laughable indeed!
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Jimbo
Special Collaborator 
Honorary Collaborator Joined: February 28 2005 Location: Helsinki Status: Offline Points: 2818 |
Posted: March 20 2005 at 04:13 |
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I'm sure those will be deleted. I guess the Moderators are sleeping as the time is 4 am in USA.
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James Lee
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator Joined: June 05 2004 Status: Offline Points: 3525 |
Posted: March 20 2005 at 04:31 |
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One of the worst consecutive series of reviews I've seen yet. How disillusioning; not just stupid but also sporadically offensive.
Edited by James Lee |
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Gentle Ronnie
Forum Senior Member
Joined: March 17 2005 Status: Offline Points: 540 |
Posted: March 20 2005 at 04:56 |
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The KC reviewer actually didn't speak out of his ass. He's also the only one among mentioned who was given some brain cells by God.
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Jimbo
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator Joined: February 28 2005 Location: Helsinki Status: Offline Points: 2818 |
Posted: March 20 2005 at 05:00 |
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I'm beginning to think that maybe you're not so gentle after all Ronnie..
 
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AngelRat
Forum Senior Member
Joined: July 14 2004 Location: Netherlands Status: Offline Points: 1014 |
Posted: March 20 2005 at 05:33 |
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The mental image I have of reviewers like this is that of some spotty 14-year old kid who's sitting alone in his room behind his pc, he obviously has no friends and certainly no girlfriend (who wants some ugly retard like that). The kids at school laugh at him because he's bad at sports and his mother provided him with extremely bad taste in clothing. His parents want him to be a rocket scientist or a real smooth lawyer, but he'll probably end up like an third grade employee in a grocery store instead. Frustrated as he is he alternates his hourlong obsessive masturbation sessions with writing of his anger with real lame reviews on random sites hoping to finally get some recognition. |
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Pablo_P
Forum Senior Member
Joined: March 20 2005 Location: Poland Status: Offline Points: 1028 |
Posted: March 20 2005 at 05:45 |
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Pablo P.
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James Lee
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator Joined: June 05 2004 Status: Offline Points: 3525 |
Posted: March 20 2005 at 06:10 |
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JrKASperov
Forum Senior Member
Joined: July 07 2004 Status: Offline Points: 904 |
Posted: March 20 2005 at 06:25 |
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RHUBARB!
A KREK J! |
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Epic.
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frenchie
Prog Reviewer
Joined: July 30 2004 Location: United Kingdom Status: Offline Points: 2234 |
Posted: March 20 2005 at 07:19 |
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PLEASE delete these reviews! but i was wondering, if they do get deleted does the score they gave the album still add up on the ratings scale, cos otherwise opeth and volta are gonna get loadsa unneccesary 0/5 ratings |
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The Worthless Recluse
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Miaugion
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 22 2004 Location: Christmas Island Status: Offline Points: 295 |
Posted: March 20 2005 at 07:45 |
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Now the reviews are gone. But the good/serious King Crimson review is gone also. |
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Logos
Prog Reviewer
Joined: March 08 2005 Location: Finland Status: Offline Points: 2383 |
Posted: March 20 2005 at 08:48 |
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Luckily they don't! |
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Vibrationbaby
Forum Senior Member
Joined: February 13 2004 Status: Offline Points: 6898 |
Posted: March 20 2005 at 10:09 |
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Some of the reviewers deserve to be shot.
Topic Options
OPETH - Damnation
Miaugion wrote:
KING CRIMSON - The Power To Believe
— as a young, new fan to KING CRIMSON, i can only hope that this review is of use to youthful future fans of the band. i'll put it this way - as soon as i heard this album (and this was the first KC album i ever heard after being told that if i liked TOOL, i should know my roots) i immediately started an infatuation with this band that will last for as long as Uncle Bobby Fripp lives (and let that be forever). this album is the type of melting pot of synthesized sounds, harsh, industrial-esque beats, perfect guitar and great lyrics/vocals that recently established bands can only dream of hoping to achieve. the sheer scope of some of the songs is breathtaking, as the track "the power to believe, II" proves. i believe as a new fan of progressive music that this is essential to my collection, but realistically next to LARKS' TONGUES IN ASPIC and RED it simply isnt essential. hence my 4 stars. but, if youve ever listened to and loved TOOL, buy this album. 
— unfortunately, THE MARS VOLTA are one of those few bands who think they are better than they actually are. while their "DE-LOUSED . . ." was a collection of songs arranged around a dubious yet enticing concept/theme, "FRANCES THE MUTE" is a loosely constructed, no-concept-to-be-found-in-this-so-called-concept-album journey into complete and utter musical masturbation. granted, the first track isnt bad, but it can hardly be called a masterpiece. as a previous reveiwer stated, the only reason this album seems so appealing is because the current musical climate is so lacking in truly inspiring concept albums/ progressive albums. the last track is also great, but at 30 minutes, it makes the listened feel as though KING CRIMSON did it better with "lizard", from the album LIZARD. the biggest problem, and this is immediately obvious, is the lack of cohesion. there is no continuity, flow, or cohesion. one stuggles to listen to this entire album, unless one has a penchant for pharmaceuticals (which would be a big no-no in the drug-free world of THE MARS VOLTA). after hearing "DE-LOUSED . . .", it's obvious this band is destined for big things. but perhaps they would be better off taking lessons from bands that have done it better, instead of assuming they know how to pull off a decent prog rock album right off the bat. 