Universal Truths

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones

2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

4) You've never quite sure whether it's OK to eat green crisps.

5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.

6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden

10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.

12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

14) Rummaging in an overgrow garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.

18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.

21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.

22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

24) You never ever run out of salt.

25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.

26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.

28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.

30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.

31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.

32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.

33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

34) Bricks are horrible to carry.

35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

36) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

I can agree on every single one of those truths,some of them by personal experience.

It doesn't matter which side of the closed door the cat is currently looking at - it always wants to be on the other side.

Even if you have a 3-seater sofa, the cat will always find a way to occupy most of it.

No matter what you feed the cat, it will only like half of it.

Stroking a cat is like playing Russian Roulette - you never know if it will purr or strike.

Cats always understand everything you say - except the bits they don't want to understand, such as "No".

Certif1ed wrote: It doesn't matter which side of the closed door the cat is currently looking at - it always wants to be on the other side. Even if you have a 3-seater sofa, the cat will always find a way to occupy most of it. No matter what you feed the cat, it will only like half of it. Stroking a cat is like playing Russian Roulette - you never know if it will purr or strike. Cats always understand everything you say - except the bits they don't want to understand, such as "No".

There definitely speaks a cat owner - I can fully appreciate all you say here!

Here's another cat-truth - you may have polished wooden flooring, but the cat will always puke on the deepest rug in the house!

That reminds me of that one episode of Star Trek, where Worf somehow kept switching through parallel universes until he broke open the barrier between them, causing thousands of Enterprises to materialize in thin air.... I wonder if something such as that is physically possible?

Needless to say I am a trekkie

more.

People tend to get rather defensive when you talk about their second toe being shorter/longer than their big toe.

Shirts, ironed clean shirts, as dark as they might be, still make a man look girly.

If you tell a woman that women always open their mouth when putting on mascara, she will stop whatever she's doing (unless she is operating heavy machinery / kitchen knifeware) to test herself.

If you ask someone if he can lick his elbow, he will say "no" but still try, or at least glance at his elbow.

No one likes the feeling of wood under wet feet.

The word "lick" sounds dirty under every occasion.

Asking a large woman if she is pregnant is a very big no-no.

Girls remember dates better. And telephone numbers. And anniversary occurings. Even if it's (inserts squeal) our 2nd week!!

An album always sounds better when it's yours.

7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.



but where did 9) go?

I haven't tried... wow, my elbow's a funny colour...

Certif1ed wrote: It doesn't matter which side of the closed door the cat is currently looking at - it always wants to be on the other side. Even if you have a 3-seater sofa, the cat will always find a way to occupy most of it. No matter what you feed the cat, it will only like half of it. Stroking a cat is like playing Russian Roulette - you never know if it will purr or strike. Cats always understand everything you say - except the bits they don't want to understand, such as "No".

Plus, if you point, they will always look at the end of your finger..

Edited by sigod

Jim