Universal Truths
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Topic: Universal Truths
Posted By: Jim Garten
Subject: Universal Truths
Date Posted: December 29 2004 at 03:55
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1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying. 3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger. 4) You've never quite sure whether it's OK to eat green crisps. 5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator. 6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible. 7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly. 8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden 10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl. 11) You never know where to look when eating a banana. 12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat. 13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly. 14) Rummaging in an overgrow garden will always turn up a bouncy ball. 15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses. 16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school. 17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad. 18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity. 19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches. 20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush. 21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong. 22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee. 23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited. 24) You never ever run out of salt. 25) Old ladies can eat more than you think. 26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog. 27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something. 28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers. 29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan. 30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug. 31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard. 32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with. 33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose. 34) Bricks are horrible to carry. 35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip. 36) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. ------------- 
Jon Lord 1941 - 2012 |
Replies:
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: December 29 2004 at 04:56
Finally some Truth !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
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Posted By: Pixel Pirate
Date Posted: December 29 2004 at 07:36
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I can agree on every single one of those truths,some of them by personal experience. ------------- Odi profanum vulgus et arceo. |
Posted By: tuxon
Date Posted: December 29 2004 at 07:54
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Everything is true. If not in this universe than in another. The idea of parallel universes comes from one interpretation of quantum theory. With each passing second "choices" are made. A man turns right at a fork instead of left, a virtual photon momentarily flashes into existence, etc.
On a quantum scale, the state of a particle is never wholly known (Heisenberg uncertainty). As such all possible states of the particle are superimposed. That's where the famous Schroedinger's Cat thought experiment comes from. The cat, until observed and the wave function collapses, is both alive AND dead at the same time. In the parallel universe interpretation of quantum theory, each possible state actually occurs in a reality of it's own. In one universe the cat lives, in another it dies. So yes, in that theory there are an infinite number of yous and there are an infinite number of possibilities. (Until you look in the box, the cat could be on the moon for all you know!) Any way. nice set of truth, which certainly apply in this universe. ------------- I'm always almost unlucky _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Id5ZcnjXSZaSMFMC Id5LM2q2jfqz3YxT |
Posted By: Certif1ed
Date Posted: December 29 2004 at 09:17
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It doesn't matter which side of the closed door the cat is currently looking at - it always wants to be on the other side. Even if you have a 3-seater sofa, the cat will always find a way to occupy most of it. No matter what you feed the cat, it will only like half of it. Stroking a cat is like playing Russian Roulette - you never know if it will purr or strike. Cats always understand everything you say - except the bits they don't want to understand, such as "No". |
Posted By: Metropolis
Date Posted: December 29 2004 at 12:19
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Doesn't everyone write stupid stuff on calculators? And reading when drunk isn't nearly as nasty as tryin to concentrate on a lecture and take notes of said lecture when drunk? Am liking what you've put there I always race the flush ------------- We Lost the Skyline............ 
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Posted By: Jim Garten
Date Posted: December 29 2004 at 12:25
There definitely speaks a cat owner - I can fully appreciate all you say here! Here's another cat-truth - you may have polished wooden flooring, but the cat will always puke on the deepest rug in the house! -------------
Jon Lord 1941 - 2012 |
Certif1ed wrote:Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: December 29 2004 at 12:41
Oh Jim, now that´s da truth !!!   |
Posted By: Glass-Prison
Date Posted: December 29 2004 at 12:42
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That reminds me of that one episode of Star Trek, where Worf somehow kept switching through parallel universes until he broke open the barrier between them, causing thousands of Enterprises to materialize in thin air.... I wonder if something such as that is physically possible? Needless to say I am a trekkie |
Posted By: Glass-Prison
Date Posted: December 29 2004 at 12:45
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Posted By: selling_echoes
Date Posted: December 29 2004 at 13:00
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more. People tend to get rather defensive when you talk about their second toe being shorter/longer than their big toe. Shirts, ironed clean shirts, as dark as they might be, still make a man look girly. If you tell a woman that women always open their mouth when putting on mascara, she will stop whatever she's doing (unless she is operating heavy machinery / kitchen knifeware) to test herself. If you ask someone if he can lick his elbow, he will say "no" but still try, or at least glance at his elbow. No one likes the feeling of wood under wet feet. The word "lick" sounds dirty under every occasion. Asking a large woman if she is pregnant is a very big no-no. Girls remember dates better. And telephone numbers. And anniversary occurings. Even if it's (inserts squeal) our 2nd week!! An album always sounds better when it's yours. |
Posted By: Certif1ed
Date Posted: December 29 2004 at 15:04
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Good list, SE!
Another word that always sounds dirty, for your collection, is "moist". and Another number every boy who ever owned a calulator - or even a steamed window - should know is 7702219. |
Posted By: goose
Date Posted: December 29 2004 at 19:36
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7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly. 10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.  but where did 9) go? |
Posted By: goose
Date Posted: December 29 2004 at 19:38
I can lick my own elbow (only the right one)! Last summer I met someone else who could too. |
Posted By: Certif1ed
Date Posted: December 30 2004 at 16:04
| I haven't tried... wow, my elbow's a funny colour... |
Posted By: nancyrowina
Date Posted: December 30 2004 at 16:21
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------------- Confusion will be my epitaph, as I crawl a cracked and broken path, if we make it we can all sit back and laugh, but I fear tomorrow I'll be crying. |
Posted By: sigod
Date Posted: December 31 2004 at 08:06
Plus, if you point, they will always look at the end of your finger.. ------------- I must remind the right honourable gentleman that a monologue is not a decision. - Clement Atlee, on Winston Churchill |
Posted By: Jim Garten
Date Posted: December 31 2004 at 08:48
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Then, just as you grin inanely, and say "aaaaahhhhh", a paw shoots out, all claws extended, and you shout "AAAAAAAGGGHHH!!!" instead.
It is for this reason that no matter how cute your cats' real name is, it is always abbreviated to "BAST**D!!!" -------------
Jon Lord 1941 - 2012 |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: December 31 2004 at 09:42
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Jim
------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Certif1ed
Date Posted: December 31 2004 at 11:24
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Ain't that the truth, Jim! |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: December 31 2004 at 12:28
------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Dan Bobrowski
Date Posted: December 31 2004 at 12:39
A shaved Pussy-cat....ROTFLMAO
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Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: December 31 2004 at 13:58
------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Garion81
Date Posted: December 31 2004 at 18:55
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101. Phil Collins will be relentlessly bashed over and over in Prog Archives forums. ------------- 
"What are you going to do when that damn thing rusts?" |
Posted By: gdub411
Date Posted: December 31 2004 at 18:56
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and hopefully Kansas as well! |
Posted By: Garion81
Date Posted: December 31 2004 at 18:59
Kansas is alive and well my friend. Just saw them three weeks ago and they still kick ass. They played Magnus Opus and Song for America back to back. Even you would have loved it. -------------
"What are you going to do when that damn thing rusts?" |
Posted By: Peter
Date Posted: January 01 2005 at 03:55
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I never tell the truth.
------------- "And, has thou slain the Jabberwock? Come to my arms, my beamish boy! O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!' He chortled in his joy. |
Posted By: gdub411
Date Posted: January 01 2005 at 10:06
liar!! |