Relationships anyone? - Progressive Rock Music Forum

lazland wrote:

Dean and others have talked about comfort zones and self confidence. From my perspective, I have spoken in front of thousands of delegates at union conferences. I am at the moment teaching corporate tax evasion to trainee members of my department at work. I have to conduct sometimes extremely difficult meetings at work with subjects of my, ahem, attention. Further, I can come across as rather boisterous, loud, and cocky on both this forum and in my local pub.

In realty, I am quite an introverted person, have always been self critical, certainly in terms of appearance, and am certainly self obsessed, finding it extremely difficult to easily accept differing viewpoints, arguments, and stuff I simply either do not like, or get. In that, I suppose that I am much like the typical PA forum member

In terms of the fairer sex, I was absolutely hopeless at getting a girlfriend, at keeping her once I had crossed that bridge, and I was, quite simply, useless. I therefore spent more time playing cricket, playing and watching prog, getting drunk, working hard, and reading, all of which I was far better at than dating.

I was 35 when I was lucky enough to meet the most beautiful woman on God's earth. As her best friend had brought her to my local pub to meet me without my knowledge or consent, I was also extraordinarily drunk. I managed to drag myself to work the next morning, in spite of the most awful hangover, and met Glynis in town. I had forgotten her name from the night before, which, as you can imagine, was slightly awkward. I did, though, take her for a non alcoholic drink, and invited her to the house a couple of days later to cook her a nice Italian meal. Indeed, the meal was so nice, I have not been allowed to cook one again since

The key to this. I was myself. I did not try to be anybody other than me. She loves me for being me, and I love her for not just being her, but for having the patience and love to put up with me and my many foibles.

I hate nightclubs, and have since I was young. Therefore, I realised that trying to meet ladies in such places was a waste of time. As Dean said, it is extremely difficult to do such things when you are feeling very awkward out of your comfort zone.

I remember my dearly loved late grandfather, who was rather obsessed with yours truly continuing the family name and genetic heritage, rather despairing at me ever meeting anyone. It was the proudest day of my life when I presented him with his great grandson, my boy Ioan, who is now a strapping six foot three fifteen year old.

That does not mean to say that it would have been a "failure" had I remained single. I was quite happy being single, in my own strange way, provided I had good health, a local pub to drink in, enough money to buy music, and access to decent pornography

Being single is not a failure if that is what you are happy with. The most important thing in all of this is to be simply happy.

So, my advice, for what it is worth. Get drunk in the company of ladies.......erm.....wait......no.......simply be yourself. It is an old cliche that there is someone for everybody, but it is true. Don't worry about it. It will come in its own time, and it will be, as with me, when you least expect it, or when every sensible person has given up on it ever happening.

That's good the way it's worked out. A nice story

I've spent most of my adult life trying to be something different as I cannot and never will accept who I am. That is my major stumbling block when trying to get into anything serious. Women want men who are very confident and comfortable in their own skin. I challenge anyone to give me a real life example of a woman who wants the opposite of that. I've certainly never met one. I come across - -in real life - as very sociable, but it's really a bit of a front and its getting harder to maintain as I get older and become more jaded and cynical.

I'm at the point now where I have accepted that I've missed the boat and I just have to enjoy life as much as I can as single man. I have good friends and a good job. When it comes to things like holidays it's quite tough, because you don't want to go away on your own and often feel like you're intruding if you go away with a family.

My advice to anyone on the good side of 30 is not to look for perfection, and certainly don't expect it. Everyone is flawed and quite selfish, sometimes 'making do' can lead to happiness. I've thrown away relationships because the person irritated me, but then a decade later I realise it was me who had the problem, not them. Too late then.

Edited by Blacksword - August 17 2016 at 04:18