Forgiveness

I'm surprised there is any differing opinions, I thought for sure it'd stay one sided.

I think it's always toughest t forgive yourself.
The more detached you are...well the more detached you are, thus a bit easier to forgive.
You can't get any closer to yourself, than you!

Also you can only dwell on others so long, but you can dwell on yourself for ages...I know someone who can't forgive herself for stuff she did over 20 years ago :(

This is prog....we're supposed to have various mental ailments.
You slart have plenty :P

Man With Hat wrote: The people who stab your cheeses unannounced.

One damn time...and I told you I was on mescaline

years ago my answer would probably have been different, but now sadly it's friends--  when a friendship goes bad it's a failure of the most unique and un-compelled of relationships

JJLehto wrote: Man With Hat wrote: The people who stab your cheeses unannounced. One damn time...and I told you I was on mescaline

I hope it was just once in a life.  Focus man, Focus.


Edited by Slartibartfast - July 05 2012 at 07:09

This is a very good question, and a difficult one to answer!

I'm inclined to say friends.

I'm not married, I don't have children, I don't have siblings, my father is dead, and mother barely remembers what she had for lunch. I'm essentially orphened, and an only child, so to be honest I actually don't know what it's like to be dealt a low blow by family, so I can't comment on how hard it is to forgive them.

Friends, on the other hand, are what I do have, instead of family. I have a lot of friends. I love them, and often bend over backwards to accomodate them. Typcially, they do appreciate this and don't take advantage. I would find it hard to forgive a close friend for doing wrong by me, but of course it depends on the scale of the 'crime' White lies here and there, no problem. Betrayel of trust like cracking on to a girlfriend, they probably wouldn't come back from that, to be honest. I just don't do that sh*t, I'm afraid. Girlfriends and friends may be dispenable and interchangable for some who enjoy the luxury of family, but for people like me, who are essentially on their own in that respect, friendships and physical relationships are very precious indeed. I take loyalty very seriously, and make no apology for that. I can't help who I am.

Slartibartfast wrote: JJLehto wrote: Man With Hat wrote: The people who stab your cheeses unannounced. One damn time...and I told you I was on mescaline I hope it was just once in a life.  Focus man, Focus.

That was the cheese stabbing.
Mescaline? I eat it for breakfast.

JJLehto wrote: UMUR wrote: I wish it wasn´t so, but there are situations in my life I deeply regret and in that respect I have a hard time forgiving myself. I wish I could shed the guilt /shame and get on with my life without ever having to think about those situations ever again. I guess it´s part of having a conscious though and probably not as unhealthy as it sounds. Yeah despite Slart's insistence, it seems very normal (at least in this thread) to take it hardest on yourself, and it seems perfectly normal to me. Honestly, to be so nonchalant and say "bah I can forgive myself in a second, I dont even care" seems a bit selfish to me. Then looking at how people act, maybe we are yet again the odd ones. Many people behave like they certainly dont feel any remorse for anything they do

How easily we forgive anyone is determined by how well we can judge their remorse - and that has to start with yourself - if you cannot gauge your own remorse then you'll never trust anyone who has crossed you.

Smurph wrote: It's easier to prove remorse to yourself if you get all self-destructive and self violent but it's extremely unhealthy and later you won't be able to forgive yourself for doing just that.

Remorse isn't "feeling sorry for yourself" or "wallowing in self-pity" - remorse is actually being sorry for what you did.

Smurph wrote: Feeling awful about doing something so that you feel an unrelenting urge to do these things does not seem to be self-pity. The thought is not "I feel so sorry for myself." The thought is "The person that I have wronged should want to destroy me. I shall do it for them to ease the burden of guilt." I have never thought of that as self-pity.

I've never felt like that. If I've wronged someone then I want to make them feel better, not myself feel worse.