| Author |
 Topic Search  Topic Options
|
Smurph 
Forum Senior Member
Joined: January 11 2012
Location: Columbus&NYC
Status: Offline
Points: 3167
|
 Topic: Horrible Puns
Posted: February 29 2012 at 11:13 |
I love horrible puns. My friends and I come up with many. It's been a running joke for years. Here are some of our better ones.
I have bugs on my penis, but it's ok, they're just semantics.
I tried to poison my mom's sister but luckily for her she found the Auntidote.
I was leaving a funeral yesterday and this super hot girl was working in the garden. I said to her, "Baby, you're giving me Mourning wood"
GIMME SOME MORE GOOD/AWFUL PUNS!!!!
|
 |
rushfan4
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: May 22 2007
Location: Michigan, U.S.
Status: Offline
Points: 66452
|
Posted: February 29 2012 at 16:18 |
|
My favorite pun was when I was watching the god-awful John Candy movie The Great Outdoors at the theater. There was a scene involving a bear biting the back of his pants, to which I shouted "How em-bear-assing!" Sadly, that was the best part of the movie.
Edited by rushfan4 - February 29 2012 at 16:21
|
|
|
|
presdoug
Forum Senior Member
Joined: January 24 2010
Location: Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 8657
|
Posted: February 29 2012 at 16:42 |
|
I've got the worst one imaginable
What was the name of the Nazi that liked Tim Hortons?
Admiral Doenitz
|
|
Moogtron III
Prog Reviewer
Joined: April 26 2005
Location: Belgium
Status: Offline
Points: 10616
|
Posted: February 29 2012 at 18:13 |
|
Is this modern art?
Well, I avant garde a clue, mate!
|
|
presdoug
Forum Senior Member
Joined: January 24 2010
Location: Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 8657
|
Posted: February 29 2012 at 21:14 |
^ 
|
|
presdoug
Forum Senior Member
Joined: January 24 2010
Location: Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 8657
|
Posted: February 29 2012 at 21:21 |
|
What did the drunken genius do? he put his eye-in-stein
What drives a lesbian up the wall? A crack in the ceiling.
How do you keep a moron in suspense? ------------------------------------------------------------------
What shakes and is at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck.
|
|
Epignosis
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: December 30 2007
Location: Raeford, NC
Status: Offline
Points: 32541
|
Posted: February 29 2012 at 21:32 |
 rushfan4 wrote:
My favorite pun was when I was watching the god-awful John Candy movie The Great Outdoors at the theater. There was a scene involving a bear biting the back of his pants, to which I shouted "How em-bear-assing!" Sadly, that was the best part of the movie.
|
|
|
|
|
Canterzeuhl
Forum Senior Member
Joined: December 06 2011
Location: UK
Status: Offline
Points: 452
|
Posted: March 01 2012 at 00:43 |
|
Best pun I've heard was on a TV show called Spaced. This guy was talking about how he failed doing an Eskimo roll and the other guy said 'Well it's less a case of Eskimo roll and more rolling right Inuit!'
|
|
Textbook
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 3281
|
Posted: March 01 2012 at 02:30 |
An original, and one of the worst jokes ever: What did Arnold say when asked to appear in a film about the lives of the great classical composers? "I'll be Bach."
|
|
CPicard
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 03 2008
Location: Là, sui monti.
Status: Offline
Points: 10841
|
Posted: March 01 2012 at 03:41 |
|
I misread the title of the thread: "Horrible punks".
|
|
AtomicCrimsonRush
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: July 02 2008
Location: Australia
Status: Offline
Points: 14258
|
Posted: March 01 2012 at 06:01 |
What is a poetic term for what a cat does at night? Onomatopoeia (on-a-mat-a-peer)
Knock Knock who's there? centipede centipede who? centipede up the chimney (Santa peed up the chimney)
what do ya call a cupcake that turned out bad during cooking? a muffin
What did that girl really say? Alaska (I'll Ask her)
|
|
|
|
presdoug
Forum Senior Member
Joined: January 24 2010
Location: Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 8657
|
Posted: March 01 2012 at 17:59 |
|
What did the Alaskan police say to the bank robbers? Freeze!
"Mom, i think i busted the new computer."
"Oh, no, son, what on earth did you do"
"Well, i didn't mean it, but the Coffee Cup holder broke off."
|
|
AtomicCrimsonRush
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: July 02 2008
Location: Australia
Status: Offline
Points: 14258
|
Posted: March 01 2012 at 23:46 |
Some weird humour here to enjoy.........
Secrets in the Seuss
Train your mind to re read
|
|
|
|
CPicard
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 03 2008
Location: Là, sui monti.
Status: Offline
Points: 10841
|
Posted: March 02 2012 at 03:24 |
|
Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... But these jokes are not exactly puns, are they?
|
|
ExittheLemming
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 19 2007
Location: Penal Colony
Status: Offline
Points: 11420
|
Posted: March 02 2012 at 03:49 |
|
What do you get if you shave Lassie? - soft paw corn
|
|
presdoug
Forum Senior Member
Joined: January 24 2010
Location: Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 8657
|
Posted: March 02 2012 at 12:48 |
|
Did you hear about the hooker that joined the military? She assumed a new position.
What do a prostitute and a ship both need? A lot of seamen
|
|
ole-the-first
Forum Senior Member
Joined: January 03 2012
Location: Russia
Status: Offline
Points: 1534
|
Posted: March 03 2012 at 04:36 |
AtomicCrimsonRush wrote:
|
Ahhh! Great!
|
|
Snow Dog
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: March 23 2005
Location: Caerdydd
Status: Offline
Points: 32995
|
Posted: March 03 2012 at 04:39 |
CPicard wrote:
Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... But these jokes are not exactly puns, are they?
|
Not even remotely.
|
|
|
|
RoeDent
Forum Senior Member
Joined: September 08 2009
Location: Wales
Status: Offline
Points: 850
|
Posted: March 03 2012 at 13:45 |
|
I relish the fact you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.
2 Eskimos in a kayak. They were cold, so they decided to light a campfire. Unsurprisingly, it sank, thereby proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
Mahatma Gandhi walked around barefoot a lot, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, was deeply religious and, with his strange diet, he had bad breath. This made him a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Edited by RoeDent - March 03 2012 at 13:46
|
|
presdoug
Forum Senior Member
Joined: January 24 2010
Location: Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 8657
|
Posted: March 03 2012 at 17:32 |
A couple of Friday nights ago, i had a friend over and it was getting late, and he asked me "Doug, can you call for the bus?" And i cupped my hands around my mouth and said "For the bus" Last night, it was late and he said to me, "Can you check for the buses?" So i got a piece of paper and wrote on it "the buses" and put a check mark beside it and gave it to him. i know this is odd humor, but we are all a bit crazy!
|
|
Donate monthly and keep PA fast-loading and ad-free forever.
/PAlogo_v2.gif "Progarchives.com Homepage")
Horrible Puns
