Horrible Puns
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Category: Topics not related to music
Forum Name: Just for Fun
Forum Description: Participate in trivia and knowledge games, share jokes, etc.
URL: http://www.progarchives.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=85286
Printed Date: January 09 2025 at 09:30
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Topic: Horrible Puns
Posted By: Smurph
Subject: Horrible Puns
Date Posted: February 29 2012 at 11:13
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I love horrible puns. My friends and I come up with many. It's been a running joke for years. Here are some of our better ones.
I have bugs on my penis, but it's ok, they're just semantics.
I tried to poison my mom's sister but luckily for her she found the Auntidote.
I was leaving a funeral yesterday and this super hot girl was working in the garden. I said to her, "Baby, you're giving me Mourning wood"
GIMME SOME MORE GOOD/AWFUL PUNS!!!!
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Replies:
Posted By: rushfan4
Date Posted: February 29 2012 at 16:18
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My favorite pun was when I was watching the god-awful John Candy movie The Great Outdoors at the theater. There was a scene involving a bear biting the back of his pants, to which I shouted "How em-bear-assing!" Sadly, that was the best part of the movie.
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Posted By: presdoug
Date Posted: February 29 2012 at 16:42
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I've got the worst one imaginable What was the name of the Nazi that liked Tim Hortons? Admiral Doenitz |
Posted By: Moogtron III
Date Posted: February 29 2012 at 18:13
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Is this modern art? Well, I avant garde a clue, mate! |
Posted By: presdoug
Date Posted: February 29 2012 at 21:14
^
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Posted By: presdoug
Date Posted: February 29 2012 at 21:21
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What did the drunken genius do? he put his eye-in-stein What drives a lesbian up the wall? A crack in the ceiling. How do you keep a moron in suspense? ------------------------------------------------------------------ What shakes and is at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck. |
Posted By: Epignosis
Date Posted: February 29 2012 at 21:32
 ------------- https://epignosis.bandcamp.com/album/a-month-of-sundays" rel="nofollow - https://epignosis.bandcamp.com/album/a-month-of-sundays |
rushfan4 wrote:Posted By: Canterzeuhl
Date Posted: March 01 2012 at 00:43
| Best pun I've heard was on a TV show called Spaced. This guy was talking about how he failed doing an Eskimo roll and the other guy said 'Well it's less a case of Eskimo roll and more rolling right Inuit!' |
Posted By: Textbook
Date Posted: March 01 2012 at 02:30
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An original, and one of the worst jokes ever: What did Arnold say when asked to appear in a film about the lives of the great classical composers? "I'll be Bach."
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Posted By: CPicard
Date Posted: March 01 2012 at 03:41
| I misread the title of the thread: "Horrible punks". |
Posted By: AtomicCrimsonRush
Date Posted: March 01 2012 at 06:01
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What is a poetic term for what a cat does at night? Onomatopoeia (on-a-mat-a-peer) Knock Knock who's there? centipede centipede who? centipede up the chimney (Santa peed up the chimney) what do ya call a cupcake that turned out bad during cooking? a muffin What did that girl really say? Alaska (I'll Ask her) ------------- 
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Posted By: presdoug
Date Posted: March 01 2012 at 17:59
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What did the Alaskan police say to the bank robbers? Freeze! "Mom, i think i busted the new computer." "Oh, no, son, what on earth did you do" "Well, i didn't mean it, but the Coffee Cup holder broke off." |
Posted By: AtomicCrimsonRush
Date Posted: March 01 2012 at 23:46
Some weird humour here to enjoy.........        Secrets in the Seuss  Train your mind to re read         -------------
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Posted By: CPicard
Date Posted: March 02 2012 at 03:24
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Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... But these jokes are not exactly puns, are they? |
Posted By: ExittheLemming
Date Posted: March 02 2012 at 03:49
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What do you get if you shave Lassie? - soft paw corn
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Posted By: presdoug
Date Posted: March 02 2012 at 12:48
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Did you hear about the hooker that joined the military? She assumed a new position. What do a prostitute and a ship both need? A lot of seamen |
Posted By: ole-the-first
Date Posted: March 03 2012 at 04:36
Ahhh! Great! |
Posted By: Snow Dog
Date Posted: March 03 2012 at 04:39
Not even remotely. ------------- http://www.last.fm/user/Snow_Dog" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: RoeDent
Date Posted: March 03 2012 at 13:45
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I relish the fact you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me. 2 Eskimos in a kayak. They were cold, so they decided to light a campfire. Unsurprisingly, it sank, thereby proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. Mahatma Gandhi walked around barefoot a lot, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, was deeply religious and, with his strange diet, he had bad breath. This made him a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. |
Posted By: presdoug
Date Posted: March 03 2012 at 17:32
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A couple of Friday nights ago, i had a friend over and it was getting late, and he asked me "Doug, can you call for the bus?" And i cupped my hands around my mouth and said "For the bus" Last night, it was late and he said to me, "Can you check for the buses?" So i got a piece of paper and wrote on it "the buses" and put a check mark beside it and gave it to him. i know this is odd humor, but we are all a bit crazy! |
Posted By: presdoug
Date Posted: March 03 2012 at 17:41
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Do you know how i traveled across the Middle East so quickly? I ran. Where did the composer cook his pies? In the beethoven. What was the name of the classical music program that replaced a documentary on philosophy? The Chopin Hour |
Posted By: JJLehto
Date Posted: March 04 2012 at 01:23
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The first time I listened to Van der Graaf Generator I got quite a shock. |
Posted By: The Truth
Date Posted: March 04 2012 at 22:16
------------- http://blindpoetrecords.bandcamp.com/" rel="nofollow">  
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Posted By: JJLehto
Date Posted: March 04 2012 at 22:23
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Posted By: presdoug
Date Posted: March 21 2012 at 20:00
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I have a couple from my Dad Where did Robinson Crusoe go? Out with Friday on a Saturday night They say that W.C. Fields had put on his tombstone -"On the whole, I'd rather be in Philadelphia" from me How many Newfies (Newfoundlanders) does it take to change a light bulb? Four-one to hold the bulb and three to turn the chair How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change. You know what they say about Hitler? The fewer the better. How did Prime Minister Trudeau get Canada into debt? With True Dough |
Posted By: HolyMoly
Date Posted: March 22 2012 at 14:39
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Here's one I made up for my daughter. Especially apropos because her Kindergarten teacher's name is Mrs. Shrek (but spelled slightly differently): What is Shrek's favorite dessert? Frozen Ogrert ------------- My other avatar is a Porsche It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased. -Kehlog Albran |
Posted By: AnnaDanielle
Date Posted: March 22 2012 at 17:57
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"The eleventh pun always gets a laugh, even if no pun in ten did."
"You can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish." To which is replied by yet another horrible pun... "That is so punny!" "Can February March? No, but April May..."  ------------- I would never cheat in a relationship... That would require TWO people finding me attractive. ..I can barely find one. |
Posted By: presdoug
Date Posted: March 22 2012 at 20:22
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someone to watch out for Attila the Pun |
Posted By: Slartibartfast
Date Posted: March 23 2012 at 05:24
I have a cartoon thread for those kind of things.  ------------- Released date are often when it it impacted you but recorded dates are when it really happened... 
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Posted By: Snow Dog
Date Posted: March 23 2012 at 05:54
------------- http://www.last.fm/user/Snow_Dog" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Formentera Lady
Date Posted: March 28 2012 at 20:33
 ------------- http://theprogressiveweb.blogspot.de" rel="nofollow - Visit me in Second Life to talk about music. |