About Chickens

Why did the chicken cross the road

ANSWERS ACCORDING TO:

Plato: For the greater good of man

Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads

Hippocrates: To improve its circulation

Timothy Leary: Because thats the only trip the establishment would let it take

Richard M Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road, I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.

Bill Clinton: I did not, I repeat, I did not have relations with that chicken.

George Bush: To prove that he isn't our enemy

Captain James T Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has ever gone before

Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned about the chicken reveals your underlying frustration with your mother

Bill Gates: Who cares about that chicken when I have just released the New Chicken Office 2005 which will not only cross roads and lay eggs but file your important documents and balance your books

Charles Darwin:  Chickens over great periods of time have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads

Ernest Hemingway: To die, in the rain

Grandpa: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road and that was good enought for us.

Heraclit: It is impossible for the chicken to cross the same road twice.

Socrates: Let us first consider if the chicken crossing the road could serve as an example of moral turpitude. If yes, we should not call any more attention to the matter by speaking about it.

Plato: The chicken and the road are only poor images of the idea of a chicken and the idea of a road. Somewhere there is an ideal chicken crossing an ideal road. (I know Plato already had his say, but the first explanation did not fit too well into Plato's philosophy)


Edited by BaldJean

Thomas Mann: The timid chicken, nervously looking left and right while fearfully fluffing up its eggshell-white blackspotted plumage, anxiously scurried back and forth along the road until finally, with a triumphant clucking, it overcame its trepidation and hastily scuttled across the battered road between Berlin and Weimar. Free at least!

Edited by BaldJean

Michael Schuhmacher: A chicken crossed the road? Now that's what caused the dent in the nose of my new Ferrari.

Deathbed confession

Jake was on his deathbed. His wife, Susan, was maintaining a vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand and tears ran down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move ever so slightly.

"My darling Susan" he whispered.

"Hush, my love" she said. "Rest, don't talk".

He was insistent. "Susan" he said in his tired voice. "There is something I must confess to you"

"There is nothing to confess" replied the weeping Susan. "Everything is alright. Go to sleep".

"No, no, I must die in peace Susan" as he gasps short bursts of air "I slept with both your sisters, your best friend, your cousin and your mother."

"I know" she replied, "Thats why I poisoned you."

Heidegger: The being is the chicken, its so-being is crossing the road.

Peter Hamill:

Living, if you claim that all
that entails is clucking, skittering, pecking, egg-laying, crowing, defecating,
crossing the road ever over and over
and ultimately passing away time
which no longer has any meaning.
He is crossing the road!

Colonel Sanders:   Go get that chicken back boy!

Ok, we had Joyce, so let's hear what Thomas Pynchon has to say:

Thomas Pynchon: A chicken comes across the road. It has happened before, but there is nothing to compare it to now.
.....It is too late. The Evacuation still proceeds, but it's all theatre. There are no eggs inside the chicken. No eggs anywhere. Above it cirrostratus clouds old as an iron queen, and cumuli somewhere far above that would let the light of day through. But it's night. It's afraid of the way the rain will fall--soon--it will be a spectacle: the fall of a crystal palace. But coming down in total blackout, without one glint of light only great invisible torrent.

Samuel Beckett:

• Estragon: There was a chicken yesterday. Did you see it?
• Vladimir: Are you sure it was yesterday?
• Estragon: Maybe not yesterday...not long ago.
• Vladimir: Maybe there will be a chicken here today.
• Estragon: I think that's right - if we wait here, the chicken will come.
• Vladimir: The same chicken?
• Estragon: The same as yesterday?
• Vladimir: Perhaps - if it comes back...
• Estragon: Why? Where did it go?
• Vladimir: Over there I think (points vaguely to the other side of the road)
• Estragon: So we must wait here.

Serge Gainbourg: Pourquoi le p'tit poulet a-t'elle traversee la rue? Parce qu' it 'ad 'ad un oeuf! (From the unreleased Melody Nelson: Ses Meilleures Blagues)