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Topic ClosedYour opinion on these lyrics i wrote...

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Poll Question: Rate my lyrics?
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gdub411 View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 18 2004 at 14:58
Originally posted by Certif1ed Certif1ed wrote:

Originally posted by gdub411 gdub411 wrote:

It's okay..but I could do better....and have done better being the lyricist of our group back in the early 90's...I'm not bragging....its just a fact...nice attempt anyway!

Let's see some then! (prove it!)

I'm too shy!..and anyway I would prefer to compare my talents to some of the old geezers on this forum like Rideout, Danbo,Reed Lover, and that elderly old hag known as Threefates(j/k ) I am sure when I was 16 I wasn't writing poetry/lyrics as good as Prog- Bassist...so there....Ha!

It was constructive criticism...we shouldn't all go rubbing his balls and tell him that his attempt was flawless either. Prog Bassist needs critics...not cheerleaders!

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 18 2004 at 15:54
Originally posted by gdub411 gdub411 wrote:

Originally posted by Certif1ed Certif1ed wrote:

Originally posted by gdub411 gdub411 wrote:

It's okay..but I could do better....and have done better being the lyricist of our group back in the early 90's...I'm not bragging....its just a fact...nice attempt anyway!

Let's see some then! (prove it!)

...we shouldn't all go rubbing his balls

 

Um ah..Yeah I don't think that was my thought.

 

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 18 2004 at 16:11
Originally posted by gdub411 gdub411 wrote:

...we shouldn't all go rubbing his balls



hehe...Finally I get lucky.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 18 2004 at 23:28
Originally posted by Certif1ed Certif1ed wrote:

Originally posted by gdub411 gdub411 wrote:

It's okay..but I could do better....and have done better being the lyricist of our group back in the early 90's...I'm not bragging....its just a fact...nice attempt anyway!

Let's see some then! (prove it!)

okay then! I decided I have too many doubters so here goes:

this poem/song is about the nature of my mom's death.(i.e...pulling her off of life support and the events that would ensue.....

Unprepared
 
(Chorus)
 
Zulu hour approaches
and I feel I'm unprepared
I'm not the fetus in the womb of life
but I feel I'm unprepared
like a grey spectre I approached
the stage of annihilation
with a bloated face a silence descends
on the gruesome droning husk
 
Lept to this place with desire to go
mom's future before a black unknown
others await in anticipation
of macabre celebration
the unusual feeling of dulled spirits
dances before my perception
even idols cannot withdraw
the essence of emotion from my soul
 
The sun reveals a painting of passing
on a canvas of flora
memories and regrets are what I gained
through this endeavor
trophies of the masses are proudly displayed
and gladly shed
reminders of the hugs bring back
faces of the dead
 
(Chorus)


Edited by gdub411
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 19 2004 at 04:38

It's a different style altogether, but I don't think it's better... stylistically it seems to me a bit on the clumsy side, there's little pathos and no real feeling of catharsis (or anti-catharsis) - but there are some good ideas, especially in the image-painting.

However, I do feel a bit guilty about making a value judgement on what is an expression of your feelings about a traumatic event; I know what you're going through, having been there myself. I wrote a requiem mass for my mother, based on the traditional latin setting - so there's no point me posting the lyrics to that!

Peace.

I'm not claiming my lyrics are any better - but just so's you can take a pot-shot back at me, here's a set I wrote that I like;

GREY (by Cert)

There's no black and white it's only grey today
All of the colours have gone away
What that means I just can't say
It's all gone grey
It's all gone grey

My brand new coat is ragged and frayed
I hide behind it where once I displayed
I cower in fear where once I was brave
It's all gone grey
It's all gone grey

When I wake up it's still grey
And I don't want to go outside today
The walls around me stopped closing in
When I stopped colours coming in
So why did it all turn grey?

Why did it all turn grey?

My so-called friends won't come to my aid
Buying and consuming is my only trade
Everything around me is just second grade
It's all grey
It's only grey
Only grey
Only...



Edited by Certif1ed
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 19 2004 at 10:16

CryWell done, Certifiably.Thumbs Up

(Re all the "grey," there is always Grecian Formula....)Wink

"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 19 2004 at 10:47

Wonderful work, Cert and Gdub. I, unfortunately, lost my collected works during some personal upheaval. The flames of my sins devoured the lyrics of my heart. Gone and forgotten. I too lost my mother and father. Twenty years after my mother left and I still feel the loss.

I'd like to read some James Lee stuff. Gotta be good. Peter? Oh Peter, I know you gotta be one of those closet lyrists, improving on some of progs weaker moments. Ha!

Now there's a thread. Rewrite the lyrics to a crappy prog tune.  

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 19 2004 at 10:50

Originally posted by Prog_Bassist Prog_Bassist wrote:


Sun and Shadow
(B. Waye)

I. Seduction

Sun take hold of shadow,
Hold it in your warm arms,
Pull the darkness into you,
Become one,
Become all,
Become one,
Destroy one's innocence,
Become one,
Become all,
Become one,

Darkness catch the light,
Within your hands of ashen grey,
Hold the light within your grasp,
Until the sunlight melts away,
Feel the warmth receed,
Until the blackness stills your mind,
Feel the chill,
Upon your spine,
Become one,
Become all,
Become one,

II. Into the Void

(Instrumental)

III. Solitary Self

Wake upon the aftermath,
Of Transcending sun and shadow,
The skies now bleak,
Reflect your destiny,

Spoken in a nameless fate,
Envisioned in a nameless dream,
Broken in a nameless fashion,
In a Solitary State of
Being one,
Being all,
Being one,
Frozen in the grasp of time,
Hand of shadow,
Cover hand of light,
To sound the bell of our contempt,
The state of
Being one,
Being all,
Being one...

I really like your work, PB. The music would really define the emotional package.

I find it funny how so many people think drugs enhance the musical experience, but nearly every lyric suggests that drugs ruin your life. Go figure.

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 19 2004 at 12:49
haha yeah.

about the parental death thing, I lost my Dad about 7 months ago, from possibly suicide, but it wasn't because of any problems with the family or anything if your thinking that.
My theory is that i think he had cancer, i was cleaning his stuff from the computer about 2 months after it happened, and slipped under the computer, I found 2 pamphlets, they were on the different kinds of cancer. on the pamphlets, lung and prostate cancer were both circled with pen. And before it all happened, I noticed that he looked really white, and that he wasnt as spry as he usually was, plus he was hugging me alot and saying that i was the best thing that ever happened to him (he was always one of those bold, stubborn kind of dads with the heart of gold deep inside, ya know).

Anyway my point is that I'm writing a song for him, so if i get it done and it is good enough, I'll post er on here. I know my dad loved me no matter what and I know that he likely wasnt thinking right at the time.

But to talk about his life, he was literally one of the best bass players in nova scotia. Really, im not just saying that cuz of my dad. pic of dad,webby of a crappy cabaret band that my dad left cuz he said it was too "slut sell-outy". (he only joined cuz we needed the money badly)", Used to play every sunday night at the capri bar, with my uncle joe on guitar, and johnny (some guy) on drums. It got cancelled cuz no-one likes jazz anymore for some reason. anyway, it was unreally virtuosic (if thats a word)., taught at this every summer, they explain him pretty good, except he doesnt like blues., dad played with a couple 'o people here. there's some damn big-time drummers here. and they were all amazed by his playing as they said. paul wertico's a good guy :), He was also a real Judo-lovin man. He's at the bottom of the page on this link..
Anyway, he was well respected, and if I can run any tunes that he played on from some cds or tapes on my computer, I will link some of them to demonstrate.

But yeah, I know how you feel about losing someone you love, and I'm only 17 for christ sakes! It sucks.
Long Live Nigel Waye.


Edited by Prog_Bassist
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 19 2004 at 13:49
[QUOTE=Certif1ed]

It's a different style altogether, but I don't think it's better... stylistically it seems to me a bit on the clumsy side, there's little pathos and no real feeling of catharsis (or anti-catharsis) - but there are some good ideas, especially in the image-painting.

However, I do feel a bit guilty about making a value judgement on what is an expression of your feelings about a traumatic event; I know what you're going through, having been there myself. I wrote a requiem mass for my mother, based on the traditional latin setting - so there's no point me posting the lyrics to that!

Peace.

 

Yours was good! It flowed well and was easy for the reader/listener to follow. I have those kind too , but I have always been more fascinated with the imagery thing. I guess what irritated me some about Prog Bassist's was the whole Yes structure...he said it was about drugs and I failed to see that mentioned except in a really vague way! Then again I don't care for Yes all that much either and never know what the heck they're singing about.

You know I always thought there should be a thread like this but was too shy to bring it up before...I say let's continue!!!

Peter and James....you two are by far the most articulate guys on this forum...you must have something stored away?

 

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 19 2004 at 14:13

Originally posted by Prog_Bassist Prog_Bassist wrote:

haha yeah.

about the parental death thing, I lost my Dad about 7 months ago, from possibly suicide, but it wasn't because of any problems with the family or anything if your thinking that.
My theory is that i think he had cancer, i was cleaning his stuff from the computer about 2 months after it happened, and slipped under the computer, I found 2 pamphlets, they were on the different kinds of cancer. on the pamphlets, lung and prostate cancer were both circled with pen. And before it all happened, I noticed that he looked really white, and that he wasnt as spry as he usually was, plus he was hugging me alot and saying that i was the best thing that ever happened to him (he was always one of those bold, stubborn kind of dads with the heart of gold deep inside, ya know).

Anyway my point is that I'm writing a song for him, so if i get it done and it is good enough, I'll post er on here. I know my dad loved me no matter what and I know that he likely wasnt thinking right at the time.

But to talk about his life, he was literally one of the best bass players in nova scotia. Really, im not just saying that cuz of my dad. pic of dad,webby of a crappy cabaret band that my dad left cuz he said it was too "slut sell-outy". (he only joined cuz we needed the money badly)", Used to play every sunday night at the capri bar, with my uncle joe on guitar, and johnny (some guy) on drums. It got cancelled cuz no-one likes jazz anymore for some reason. anyway, it was unreally virtuosic (if thats a word)., taught at this every summer, they explain him pretty good, except he doesnt like blues., dad played with a couple 'o people here. there's some damn big-time drummers here. and they were all amazed by his playing as they said. paul wertico's a good guy :), He was also a real Judo-lovin man. He's at the bottom of the page on this link..
Anyway, he was well respected, and if I can run any tunes that he played on from some cds or tapes on my computer, I will link some of them to demonstrate.

But yeah, I know how you feel about losing someone you love, and I'm only 17 for christ sakes! It sucks.
Long Live Nigel Waye.

 

Respect P-B!

Approve

 




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Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 19 2004 at 14:19
Indeed, much respect, been there, not nice and I was 30 when my parents went
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 19 2004 at 14:23

Here's a strange one.

The chorus bit never sat well with me though.Too repetitive and was never happy with the lyrics.

This was one of the last we did in my days with the band. It had a bit of a funky beat(sort of like Primus) coupled with a hard driving alernative sound.

After my departure they tried to get their new singer to do this song, but he was never able to master the unusual singing style I incorporated with it as well as the odd times I would jump in and out.....something of which I was quite proud to know that I wasn't terribly easy to replace.

Bong Water
 
See the crack on the wall
the blood seaps through the hole
see it writhe
 
The putrid slime begins to crawl
convulsing uncontrolled
see it slide
 
(Chorus)
 
Disarm your hate
and your mistrust
but it's too late
you turned to dust
 
My dry throat begins to water
rotten stench flows to my nose
see the bile
 
My stomach starts to quiver
and I start to shiver
out of control
 
(Chorus)
 
Red eyes stare at the ceiling
malevolent shadows threaten to
engulf my soul
 
Pock marks start appearing
infecting the chair
I sit upon
 
(Chorus)
 
I try to scream
choke on the roaches falling
to the ground
 
Masterbation
infatuation
paranoia
all around
 
(Chorus)
 
 
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 19 2004 at 14:28

^Stop,man, stop!

You have as much talent for lyric-writing as you have for pulling birds.

I just know you are going to fall out with me over this but the others are obviously too polite to tell you. My ears are howling at the sound of barrels being scraped.

My stomach starts to quiver

I try to scream.........

DESIST!Wink



Edited by Reed Lover



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Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 19 2004 at 14:41

OH Reed....I would never fall out with ya over this....it just isn't your cup of tea.

Not sure why your ears are howling over this though

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 19 2004 at 15:14

Originally posted by Prog_Bassist Prog_Bassist wrote:

And I'm from Cape Breton, Sydney, NS.[/QUOTE] 

Then Peter Rideout wrote, apparently to NO ONEDisapprove

Smile My sister lives there -- you may well know my brother in law, who plays guitar (amateur, but he knows lots of musicians). His name is Glenn, and he's a big prog fan -- ring any bells?

Hint: Question can be answered with a "yes" a "no" or a simple "p*ss off!" Stern Smile

"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 19 2004 at 15:21
Originally posted by Peter Rideout Peter Rideout wrote:

Originally posted by Prog_Bassist Prog_Bassist wrote:

And I'm from Cape Breton, Sydney, NS.[/QUOTE] 

Then Peter Rideout wrote, apparently to NO ONEDisapprove

Smile My sister lives there -- you may well know my brother in law, who plays guitar (amateur, but he knows lots of musicians). His name is Glenn, and he's a big prog fan -- ring any bells?

Hint: Question can be answered with a "yes" a "no" or a simple "p*ss off!" Stern Smile

You want me to throw him in the Pit Of Ineffable Doom, El Presidente?

LOL




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Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 19 2004 at 15:40
Confused

Edited by Peter Rideout
"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 19 2004 at 15:49

Originally posted by Peter Rideout Peter Rideout wrote:

Confused

 

......I have had one of those weeks as well Mr. Rideout. Sheer Hell!!

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 19 2004 at 15:54
Originally posted by gdub411 gdub411 wrote:

Originally posted by Peter Rideout Peter Rideout wrote:

Confused

 

......I have had one of those weeks as well Mr. Rideout. Sheer Hell!!

I have one of them weeks every day!Wacko




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