Good, but I have some issues with the lines "Destroy one's innocence" (rather stilted, artificial, contrived) and "Spoken in a nameless fate" (contrived, and the connection between fate/destiny and speaking is not obvious.

These are lyrics more in the Jon Anderson vein, right? Structured not to convey literal/linear meaning, but words chosen more for effect and atmosphere, correct?

As such, I feel that they are good, but may need a tad more work. "The bell of our contempt" sounds very deep (reminiscent of ELP, Rush, etc.) but is it? How is contempt like a bell -- is there a connection to organized religion that could be further developed?

In all, good stuff, & promising. (Many prog lyrics would look a little awkward/contrived/grandiose when presented without their accompaning music.)

I would read other's lyrics/poems for further insight and inspiration.

Have you written any more "literal"/straightforward lyrics that tell a story or fable, ie. like early Genesis, or Rush's "The Trees?" Such lyrics might be also worth a try. 

Writing good poetry/lyrics is very difficult -- keep up the good work.

This is all meant in the way of encouragement, BTW, as the writing of lyrics seems a worthy pursuit for you. Further success is within your grasp.

All the best with your music (and life),

Peter

I feel that the "Darkness catch the light" section belongs in "Into the void", rather than "Seduction", as the imagery you paint in that "verse" is not one of seduction to me, rather a depiction of life/non-life in the void.

I think also that I would like to see a name given to the nameless ones - using "nameless" just seems like a cop-out to me. Of course, it could be that I just don't "get it".  

My final thought; think about the connection you seem to set up; Time, shadow, light, contempt - I get the feeling there's an "odd man out". Maybe, with the drug addiction subject-matter, you might consider; Illusion, vortex, whirlpool, or something similarly descriptive of being caught in the grips of something uncontrollable and intangible, rather than contempt? 

I also agree with Peter - I would like to see some crafty references in there, rather than words which seem to be included merely because they sound good and rhyme. However, that could just be me missing the references!

Hope you like these ideas - I think you've produced some good lyrics, but I can pick holes in anything - except, maybe, Fish's lyrics...

Well done Prog-bassist I've seen far worse that have sold millions.

Definitely suited to prog themes and whilst some of the lines dont really stand close scrutiny (see above more scholarly critiques)) the overall feel and effect is good. Very Jon Anderson, but their's nothing wrong with that.

I like them.

preatty good accually. Very John Anderson like. Just dont OVERUSE your vocabulary like he sometimes does. i know im gonna get badgered for saying this, but his lyrics are sometimes repetitive and of the same vein. He overuses words like "rythem", "time and space" , "distance", "sharpness" "music of the sun", you know what i mean. But i was accualy preatty impressed with your lyrics, but telling us all WHAT they are about kind of ruins the whole imaginative process one gets by interpreting lyrics in the first place, no?

by the way, whereabouts do you hail from Canada? im Canadian too, not from "Cape Verte" as my profile says.(a slip of the mouse). I mention this because im very interested in forming a prog group, but most musicians i know like metal and that kind of crap.

oh yes, just noticed the lyric "in your warm arms"...........Suppers ready 

(unconsious reference?)

I see you got the word "Solitary" in there.....

Always a good prog lyric/word is "Solitary" !

 My sister lives there -- you may well know my brother in law, who plays guitar (amateur, but he knows lots of musicians). His name is Glenn, and he's a big prog fan -- ring any bells?

on a related note - just wondering how many people on the forum play in band/prog bands or how many play musical instruments and how many take it seriously. There've been a few of us posting stuff on the musical instruments section of the forum but it seems like there's more and I'm curious to know if most of us are bedroom recording stars?

And also do people finish stuff (suitable for posting) or like me have have hours and hours of unfinished versions of songs clogging up computers, cds, mini-discs etc?

I guess maybe this should be on the musical instruments section and feel free to move it there, but it might get more response here...

Peter Rideout wrote:   correct? As such, I feel that they are good, but may need a tad more work. "The bell of our contempt" sounds very deep (reminiscent of ELP, Rush, etc.) but is it? How is contempt like a bell -- is there a connection to organized religion that could be further developed?

Good lyrics.

Peter, I felt something totally different when I read this. Not how contempt the bell is or the bell repesenting contempt but rather the reaction of contempt that strikes like a bell when it happens. Either when we feel it or see it in someone else.  Maybe I am way off base but that is what is says to me.  

Just IMHO of course.

Become one,
Become all,
Become one,
Destroy one's innocence,
Become one,
Become all,
Become one,

The words above make me think about sudden cyclic changes, and I clearly see the confrontation of opposite poles: solitude and promiscuity. Interesting!

gdub411 wrote: It's okay..but I could do better....and have done better being the lyricist of our group back in the early 90's...I'm not bragging....its just a fact...nice attempt anyway!

Let's see some then! (prove it!)

gdub411 wrote: It's okay..but I could do better....and have done better being the lyricist of our group back in the early 90's...I'm not bragging....its just a fact...nice attempt anyway!

Yes Greg I bought all your Cd's and clapped in awe when you won a Grammy!

Reed Lover wrote: gdub411 wrote: It's okay..but I could do better....and have done better being the lyricist of our group back in the early 90's...I'm not bragging....its just a fact...nice attempt anyway! Yes Greg I bought all your Cd's and clapped in awe when you won a Grammy!

Yes Yes I  have his album./ Great job GDUB.

I really like the lyrics to Wintertime Postman Blues:

I slipped on the ice

As the dog bit my Ass

http://www.geocities.com/garion812000/classic_tan.html - http://www.geocities.com/garion812000/classic_tan.html

(Sorry Picture just will not load) http://www.geocities.com/garion812000/classic_tan.html -

What is amazing is this is a "best of".  That means there were others. 

Actually the Cover was slightly different in the UK:

Certif1ed wrote: gdub411 wrote: It's okay..but I could do better....and have done better being the lyricist of our group back in the early 90's...I'm not bragging....its just a fact...nice attempt anyway! Let's see some then! (prove it!)

I'm too shy!..and anyway I would prefer to compare my talents to some of the old geezers on this forum like Rideout, Danbo,Reed Lover, and that elderly old hag known as Threefates(j/k ) I am sure when I was 16 I wasn't writing poetry/lyrics as good as Prog- Bassist...so there....Ha!

It was constructive criticism...we shouldn't all go rubbing his balls and tell him that his attempt was flawless either. Prog Bassist needs critics...not cheerleaders!

gdub411 wrote: Certif1ed wrote: gdub411 wrote: It's okay..but I could do better....and have done better being the lyricist of our group back in the early 90's...I'm not bragging....its just a fact...nice attempt anyway! Let's see some then! (prove it!) ...we shouldn't all go rubbing his balls

Um ah..Yeah I don't think that was my thought.

Certif1ed wrote: gdub411 wrote: It's okay..but I could do better....and have done better being the lyricist of our group back in the early 90's...I'm not bragging....its just a fact...nice attempt anyway! Let's see some then! (prove it!)

okay then! I decided I have too many doubters so here goes:

this poem/song is about the nature of my mom's death.(i.e...pulling her off of life support and the events that would ensue.....

It's a different style altogether, but I don't think it's better... stylistically it seems to me a bit on the clumsy side, there's little pathos and no real feeling of catharsis (or anti-catharsis) - but there are some good ideas, especially in the image-painting.

However, I do feel a bit guilty about making a value judgement on what is an expression of your feelings about a traumatic event; I know what you're going through, having been there myself. I wrote a requiem mass for my mother, based on the traditional latin setting - so there's no point me posting the lyrics to that!

Peace.

I'm not claiming my lyrics are any better - but just so's you can take a pot-shot back at me, here's a set I wrote that I like;

GREY (by Cert)

There's no black and white it's only grey today
All of the colours have gone away
What that means I just can't say
It's all gone grey
It's all gone grey

My brand new coat is ragged and frayed
I hide behind it where once I displayed
I cower in fear where once I was brave
It's all gone grey
It's all gone grey

When I wake up it's still grey
And I don't want to go outside today
The walls around me stopped closing in
When I stopped colours coming in
So why did it all turn grey?

Why did it all turn grey?

My so-called friends won't come to my aid
Buying and consuming is my only trade
Everything around me is just second grade
It's all grey
It's only grey
Only grey
Only...

Well done, Certifiably.

(Re all the "grey," there is always Grecian Formula....)

Wonderful work, Cert and Gdub. I, unfortunately, lost my collected works during some personal upheaval. The flames of my sins devoured the lyrics of my heart. Gone and forgotten. I too lost my mother and father. Twenty years after my mother left and I still feel the loss.

I'd like to read some James Lee stuff. Gotta be good. Peter? Oh Peter, I know you gotta be one of those closet lyrists, improving on some of progs weaker moments. Ha!

Now there's a thread. Rewrite the lyrics to a crappy prog tune.  

Prog_Bassist wrote: Sun and Shadow (B. Waye) I. Seduction Sun take hold of shadow, Hold it in your warm arms, Pull the darkness into you, Become one, Become all, Become one, Destroy one's innocence, Become one, Become all, Become one, Darkness catch the light, Within your hands of ashen grey, Hold the light within your grasp, Until the sunlight melts away, Feel the warmth receed, Until the blackness stills your mind, Feel the chill, Upon your spine, Become one, Become all, Become one, II. Into the Void (Instrumental) III. Solitary Self Wake upon the aftermath, Of Transcending sun and shadow, The skies now bleak, Reflect your destiny, Spoken in a nameless fate, Envisioned in a nameless dream, Broken in a nameless fashion, In a Solitary State of Being one, Being all, Being one, Frozen in the grasp of time, Hand of shadow, Cover hand of light, To sound the bell of our contempt, The state of Being one, Being all, Being one...

I really like your work, PB. The music would really define the emotional package.

I find it funny how so many people think drugs enhance the musical experience, but nearly every lyric suggests that drugs ruin your life. Go figure.

It's a different style altogether, but I don't think it's better... stylistically it seems to me a bit on the clumsy side, there's little pathos and no real feeling of catharsis (or anti-catharsis) - but there are some good ideas, especially in the image-painting.

However, I do feel a bit guilty about making a value judgement on what is an expression of your feelings about a traumatic event; I know what you're going through, having been there myself. I wrote a requiem mass for my mother, based on the traditional latin setting - so there's no point me posting the lyrics to that!

Peace.

Yours was good! It flowed well and was easy for the reader/listener to follow. I have those kind too , but I have always been more fascinated with the imagery thing. I guess what irritated me some about Prog Bassist's was the whole Yes structure...he said it was about drugs and I failed to see that mentioned except in a really vague way! Then again I don't care for Yes all that much either and never know what the heck they're singing about.

You know I always thought there should be a thread like this but was too shy to bring it up before...I say let's continue!!!

Peter and James....you two are by far the most articulate guys on this forum...you must have something stored away?

Prog_Bassist wrote: haha yeah. about the parental death thing, I lost my Dad about 7 months ago, from possibly suicide, but it wasn't because of any problems with the family or anything if your thinking that. My theory is that i think he had cancer, i was cleaning his stuff from the computer about 2 months after it happened, and slipped under the computer, I found 2 pamphlets, they were on the different kinds of cancer. on the pamphlets, lung and prostate cancer were both circled with pen. And before it all happened, I noticed that he looked really white, and that he wasnt as spry as he usually was, plus he was hugging me alot and saying that i was the best thing that ever happened to him (he was always one of those bold, stubborn kind of dads with the heart of gold deep inside, ya know). Anyway my point is that I'm writing a song for him, so if i get it done and it is good enough, I'll post er on here. I know my dad loved me no matter what and I know that he likely wasnt thinking right at the time. But to talk about his life, he was literally one of the best bass players in nova scotia. Really, im not just saying that cuz of my dad. http://www.bruceaitken.com/source/a11.htm - pic of dad , http://www.theaccents.com/history.htm - webby of a crappy cabaret band that my dad left cuz he said it was too "slut sell-outy". (he only joined cuz we needed the money badly)" , http://www.cbmusic.com/queries/calendar.php?_function=search&event_id=5512 - Used to play every sunday night at the capri bar, with my uncle joe on guitar, and johnny (some guy) on drums. It got cancelled cuz no-one likes jazz anymore for some reason. anyway, it was unreally virtuosic (if thats a word). , http://www.houseofrock.ca/summerrock.php - taught at this every summer, they explain him pretty good, except he doesnt like blues. , http://www.cbdrumfest.com/modules/wfsection/article.php?articleid=2 - dad played with a couple 'o people here. there's some damn big-time drummers here. and they were all amazed by his playing as they said. paul wertico's a good guy :) , http://www.islandmartialarts.ca/judo/judoinst.htm - He was also a real Judo-lovin man. He's at the bottom of the page on this link. . Anyway, he was well respected, and if I can run any tunes that he played on from some cds or tapes on my computer, I will link some of them to demonstrate. But yeah, I know how you feel about losing someone you love, and I'm only 17 for christ sakes! It sucks. Long Live Nigel Waye.

Respect P-B!

Here's a strange one.

The chorus bit never sat well with me though.Too repetitive and was never happy with the lyrics.

This was one of the last we did in my days with the band. It had a bit of a funky beat(sort of like Primus) coupled with a hard driving alernative sound.

After my departure they tried to get their new singer to do this song, but he was never able to master the unusual singing style I incorporated with it as well as the odd times I would jump in and out.....something of which I was quite proud to know that I wasn't terribly easy to replace.

^Stop,man, stop!

You have as much talent for lyric-writing as you have for pulling birds.

I just know you are going to fall out with me over this but the others are obviously too polite to tell you. My ears are howling at the sound of barrels being scraped.

My stomach starts to quiver

I try to scream.........

DESIST!

OH Reed....I would never fall out with ya over this....it just isn't your cup of tea.

Not sure why your ears are howling over this though

Prog_Bassist wrote: And I'm from Cape Breton, Sydney, NS.[/QUOTE]  Then Peter Rideout wrote, apparently to NO ONE:   My sister lives there -- you may well know my brother in law, who plays guitar (amateur, but he knows lots of musicians). His name is Glenn, and he's a big prog fan -- ring any bells?

Hint: Question can be answered with a "yes" a "no" or a simple "p*ss off!"

Peter Rideout wrote: Prog_Bassist wrote: And I'm from Cape Breton, Sydney, NS.[/QUOTE]  Then Peter Rideout wrote, apparently to NO ONE:   My sister lives there -- you may well know my brother in law, who plays guitar (amateur, but he knows lots of musicians). His name is Glenn, and he's a big prog fan -- ring any bells? Hint: Question can be answered with a "yes" a "no" or a simple "p*ss off!"

You want me to throw him in the Pit Of Ineffable Doom, El Presidente?

Peter Rideout wrote:

......I have had one of those weeks as well Mr. Rideout. Sheer Hell!!

gdub411 wrote: Peter Rideout wrote:   ......I have had one of those weeks as well Mr. Rideout. Sheer Hell!!

I have one of them weeks every day!

Reed Lover wrote: gdub411 wrote: Peter Rideout wrote:   ......I have had one of those weeks as well Mr. Rideout. Sheer Hell!! I have one of them weeks every day!

That reminds me of a poem I wrote Reedy....I'll share it with ya!!

Wow! I want to thank you guys for your kind comments! I know I don't deserve them - If you PN me with your email addy, I'll send you the current mix of the song.

No you dont deserve them.I fully endorse that comment.

You lot have as much flair for poetry as er... erm.....someone who is not very good at poetry.

Reed Lover wrote: No you dont deserve them.I fully endorse that comment. You lot have as much flair for poetry as er... erm.....someone who is not very good at poetry.

That'll be more flair than you have for wit, then