Your opinion on these lyrics i wrote...

  Good, but I have some issues with the lines "Destroy one's innocence" (rather stilted, artificial, contrived) and "Spoken in a nameless fate" (contrived, and the connection between fate/destiny and speaking is not obvious.

These are lyrics more in the Jon Anderson vein, right? Structured not to convey literal/linear meaning, but words chosen more for effect and atmosphere, correct?

As such, I feel that they are good, but may need a tad more work. "The bell of our contempt" sounds very deep (reminiscent of ELP, Rush, etc.) but is it? How is contempt like a bell -- is there a connection to organized religion that could be further developed?

In all, good stuff, & promising. (Many prog lyrics would look a little awkward/contrived/grandiose when presented without their accompaning music.)

I would read other's lyrics/poems for further insight and inspiration.

Have you written any more "literal"/straightforward lyrics that tell a story or fable, ie. like early Genesis, or Rush's "The Trees?" Such lyrics might be also worth a try. 

Writing good poetry/lyrics is very difficult -- keep up the good work.

This is all meant in the way of encouragement, BTW, as the writing of lyrics seems a worthy pursuit for you. Further success is within your grasp.

All the best with your music (and life),

Peter

Well done Prog-bassist I've seen far worse that have sold millions.

Definitely suited to prog themes and whilst some of the lines dont really stand close scrutiny (see above more scholarly critiques)) the overall feel and effect is good. Very Jon Anderson, but their's nothing wrong with that.

I like them.

oh yes, just noticed the lyric "in your warm arms"...........Suppers ready 

(unconsious reference?)

on a related note - just wondering how many people on the forum play in band/prog bands or how many play musical instruments and how many take it seriously. There've been a few of us posting stuff on the musical instruments section of the forum but it seems like there's more and I'm curious to know if most of us are bedroom recording stars?

And also do people finish stuff (suitable for posting) or like me have have hours and hours of unfinished versions of songs clogging up computers, cds, mini-discs etc?

I guess maybe this should be on the musical instruments section and feel free to move it there, but it might get more response here...

Peter Rideout wrote:   correct? As such, I feel that they are good, but may need a tad more work. "The bell of our contempt" sounds very deep (reminiscent of ELP, Rush, etc.) but is it? How is contempt like a bell -- is there a connection to organized religion that could be further developed?

Good lyrics.

Peter, I felt something totally different when I read this. Not how contempt the bell is or the bell repesenting contempt but rather the reaction of contempt that strikes like a bell when it happens. Either when we feel it or see it in someone else.  Maybe I am way off base but that is what is says to me.  

Just IMHO of course.

Become one,
Become all,
Become one,
Destroy one's innocence,
Become one,
Become all,
Become one,

The words above make me think about sudden cyclic changes, and I clearly see the confrontation of opposite poles: solitude and promiscuity. Interesting!

gdub411 wrote: It's okay..but I could do better....and have done better being the lyricist of our group back in the early 90's...I'm not bragging....its just a fact...nice attempt anyway!

Yes Greg I bought all your Cd's and clapped in awe when you won a Grammy!

Actually the Cover was slightly different in the UK: