Create a prog song - one verse or line at a time

And so it all ends with a BAAAAAAAANG!!!!!
(a huge mushroom cloud cascades up to the heavenlies)

Second prog song epic

 

Whew! Its been another 20 pages since the last song so time to call this one to an end so we can begin another on our penultimate album. So far:

 

By EPICOLUCULOUS O)))

Track 1 "TIME FOR AN EPIC"

 Track 2 “THE AMAZING WONDEROUS STORY” 

 

 

 thx to all the mad contributers on this 2^nd track especially the usual suspects, Vompatti, The Sleepwalker and RoeDent, someone_else, refugee, BlowinFree, and a bit of stuff from (De)progressive, Roy Fairbank, Conor Fynes, arcane-beautiful, CinemaZebra, CPicard, Luca Pacchiarini, The Truth, Mr. Maestro, Bald Jean  among others...

 

This again  took a heck of a long time to paste here so enjoy this psychedelic epic that is impossible to record.....

Again if anyone wants to record this as an actual song- er.......... good luck!

I take no responsibiltiy for the insanity contained therein.. and I had to censor a biut as it was getting wude but oh well here it is – enjoy!!!.

 

Here goes as it was written on this thread <ahem>

This song was way more poetic and featured some excellent little rhyming verses and I think was easier to read as a result. Have fun reading it or singing it...

 

This epic includes Robots, male and female choirs, weird eclectic experimental solos and of course loads of characters including the Minstrel, Wombats, multi coloured Queens, Beavers, Turkeys, Mad Max characters, Magma voices, Gnomes, Court Jester, Fiddler, Nerd, Girl in Berlin, Black Knight, White Knight, The Fireman, and others!

 

 

By EPICOLUCULOUS O)))

 

THE AMAZING WONDEROUS STORY 

 

(fade in very slow mellotron)

 

She awakened as the dawn was breakin'

She went outside and started rakin'

Choir: As she raked the leaves did shake!

(Low organ pedal-point, making the ground shake)

 

Robotic Voice:

         SHAAAAAAAAAAAKE!

       SHAAAAAAAAAAAKE!

     SHAAAAAAAAAAAKE!

   SHAKE!

SHAKE!

 

Huge bombastic choir with metallic voices:

Here come the Robots and they will destroy you

Here come the Robots and they will annoy you

And the Anabaptists they will employ you

And the atheists they will encoil you

 

And the cannibals will boil you!

 

Choir:

In Boiling oil in boiling oil they will boil they will boil

In Boiling oil in boiling oil they will boil they will boil

In Boiling oil in boiling oil they will boil they will boil

In Boiling oil in boiling oil they will boil they will booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooil!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Weeping willows, mourning flowers
tremble in the morning hours
Watch the giant serpents coiling
Terror! Hark! The soil is boiling!

 

Incandescent neon lights

brighten up my winter nights

the fire has burnt a lonely mark

upon my unrepentant dark

I look above and see a shining light and it is beckoning

My underwhelming institution understands the reckoning

Tells me where i need to go and now i need to take control

And as i bite the hand that feeds me she’s about to break her hold

 

Let go! And leave it all behind?
I have been deaf, I have been blind
I’m loosening the nuts, and she
slips back to unreality

 

tragedy follows me to an eternity inside

the flight of insecurity is nothing more than i can hide

i must be blind she is leaving me for an existence dark

and as i fade awy to tears the spell of love has burned its mark

 

 

When is the final song posted?

 

This is the second song (Choir: The second soooonnnggg!!!)
The first one was posted on Page 20 (Choir: Twenty!!!)

 

(echo voiced backmasked):

Turn Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack

the music is reversible but time is noooooooooooooooooooooot

tuuuuuuuuuurn baaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

tuuuuuuuuuuuuurn baaaaaaaaaaaaaccccckkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I cannot turn back! I must go forward!

 

Female Soprano Choir:

He must go forward! Forward he must!

Ashes to Ashes Fun to Dust

Try as he might, try as he must!

He must go forward and never to rust!

 

I will start the first song soon enough.

 

Chorus: hooooow can you start the first song wheeeeeen it's already finiiiiiiiiished?!

 

Feasting on the introspective moon

Hailing August after June

Making this a disaster

Seeing time moving faster

 

Arriving at the gates of dawn
I rise and shine and yawn
It’s time to mow the lawn!

 

I turn on the mower

and it roars to life

The grass is annihilated

Cut with a knife

 

Choir (whispering): Sssslasssshhhhh

 

The blades of the mower
go gradually slower
The grass is all gone,
The battle is won.

 

Choir:

Hail the mighty blades of death

Cutting faster, sinking depth

Engine churns defeating grass

(female spoken): What’s the next verse, may I ask? 

 

I look above and I see a glider

swooping by, a hypnotic spider

the land is frozen, crops are dusted

spraying poison, eyes adjusted

 

In this dark hour I await

the eternal plague of fate

as poison enters in my brain

I cry out but it’s all in vein

 

 

Female Choir:

He adjusted his eyes, and to his surprise

he saw a glider, looking like a spider

 

Male Choir:

making shadows on the land, Taking life into his hands

Feeling death crawl into him, Then he faded to nothing

 

Female and Male Choir together:

Noooooooooooothiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing, Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaadiiiiiiiiiiing

Noooooooooooothiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing, Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaadiiiiiiiiiiing

awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

I see the most disturbing things:
Monster pigs with crimson wings
A bible black angel arises and sings:

 

Choir:

Hail the mighty blades of death

They met their mark they found their depth

The mower a weapon, now blood is shed

 

(female spoken): What do we do now that we’re dead? 

 

 

choir: WTF UR SPOSED TO POUST UN LAIN ATTATAIM!1!!1 

The bible black angel emerges and cries:

"The Lord of the Rings is the Lord of the Flies!
The Lord of the Skies is the Lord of the Rings!"

A crimson-winged pig’s moving upwards and sings:

ALL CHANGE!

(a sudden jump from F# minor to Eb major)

The Minstrel:
The piper takes his fife
The looter takes his wife
The girl is young and cute
The piper plays his flute
The looter plays his loot

(lute solo)

The sinner takes it all,
the looter standing tall

 

choir: It's really not a question of how long it is, the only thing that matters is that it's exactly one (1) line and not any more which basically means that you're not supposed to cut it like that . . . or else. 

(Two percussion quartets (one with tuned instruments and the other with drums) do musical battle on opposite sides of the stage)

Prog + Star Trek + Screams = I don't get how the next lyric isn't

KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN

 

Choir: (all) KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! (men) Oh (all, with Eb major chord on church organ) KHAAAAAAA....AAAAAAAN!!!

(Meatloaf voice) Well, as I'm recording it, let me at least pick the scale, mr. fail. I'm the father of all living things, all awesome stuff, the hope I bring, NOW you're envying!

'He's STILL recording it?' said the man in white

Choir: Still recording it, still affording it, day and night

In Day time your pyramid of love, In night time your spirit shows that i love

And I looooove, Oh I love.... you to show..... me the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy!!!

 

 

Let’s count!

One-lining wombats, two-timing tomcats

Let’s count!

One-lining wombats, two-timing tomcats

Five: men with high hats, six: jazzy sextets 

Sexy jazz pets!

Messy mad rats!

 

Messy mad rats poopin' all o'er 'cos they can! 

Choir: Yes they caaaaaaaaaaaan! Oh, yes they can!

It's because they eat alotof fibre drink alotof water & exercise regularly.

But wombats don’t!

choir: Rats do, rats do, rats dooooooooo, but wombats doooooooon't!

Sludgy guitar break)

the wombat: Those filthy, healthy( Censored) I feel like slaughtering them all!

The rats: Come here little wombat, and we'll take you deep into the sewers and abuse you!

The wombats: Come here, little rat, and we’ll take you to the fairground to amuse you!

choir: HE WAS TOO LATE!!!

(Interlude: Yodeling and the sound of 100,000 marching ants.)

Well well well that's just swell! I have to record 100,000 marching ants down by the wishing well...

You can record one ant and multiply it by 100,000.

Male choir: Gone Chopin, Bach in a minute!
Female choir: Tried Handel, thought you were Haydn!

Shemale choir: Shostakovich ftw!!! 

Morten Harket:
Count on me
Count me on
I'll be gone
In a day or 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 trumpets blowin’ 8 rolling stones.

No, not at all. 

I hate you. 

Choir: We luv ya!

Wombat: me?

You. 

And the wombat shied away and softly mumbled something that nobody could hear.

I NEAD TO GOU TO TEH UNIVRESITI NAU ALTHUGH TEH MUSLES OF MY STOMACH R STIL A BIT SOOR FROM AL TEH DEFCETON ATEMPS K?

James LaBrie: Goodbye (sampled from ACOS)

I tremble and dance as the boojums advance

[Fairlight Synthesizer bottle-blowing sounds]

(A voice from void) -This is the most LOL game I have ever seen!

Choir: That he has ever seen!

If it’s pop, it must be LOL-ee-pop.

Choir: but you always hear them saaaaaaay, OH MY GNOME!!!!!!

Funny, I don't. 

I should murder you. 

You're doing it all the time . . . so slowly that it hurts. 

Wombat, I'm sorry but I just can't resist! 

One day I will find you and make you suffer. 

As if you could reach me... you can't reach anything in life. 

Neither could Johann Georg Hamann . . . or so I've heard. 

Choir: stop talking about others *sound of hand hitting wombat's cheek*, let's talk about YOU!!!!

There's nothing worth mentioning about me.

He was just a wombat, a scum of the streets.

Whenever he passed by people kicked him with their feets.

Censored bit

No wombats were harmed in the making of this song.

Intense sound of wombat in extreme pain)

choir: Kill the poor thing!

But the wombat flew away and got hit by a meteor.

Wombats can't fly, you fool!

Never heard of the Much Bigger, Scarier And Wombatier Than The Big Scary Wombat Demon Demon? 

That demon is only partly a wombat.

Choir: SO WUUUUUUUUT?

So the fact that the demon can fly doesn't implicate that there are wombats that can fly.

But I bet there are wombats that can fly. 

Prove it.

I’m too lazy.

I knew it.

You know NOTHING! 

Who died and made you the epistemologist?

What lived thorugh the quarantine and killed all passengers onboard?

Choir: This song is so wrong

Female Soprano: It's going nowhere!

Male: There are too many references to silly things

Choir: This song is too long

Female Soprano: Its beginning to scare

Male: I would rather sing about the Queen and Kings

 

Part Something 4: Shall Pee All Over Ye 

 

(Sounds of urine streams crashing down on somebody's face)

 

Vompatti:

Feel my wrath you foolish mr. Gnome!

Feel my urine destroy your face!

Feel my urine intrude your foolish mind!

 

Choir:

There was a time when his urine ate dog food

but that time is long goooooone!

 

Choir from Phobos: Gretzdyouounmjvfnfrughjklqpoihjlnfkjdnkn!

 

Choir from Earth: What the heck R U saying you creature from another worlld you!

 

Choir from Phobos: Gretzdyouounmjvfnfrughjklqpoihjlnfkjdnkn!

 

Choir from Venus: Go sink your head in Emulsion Fluid

 

Choir from Phobos: Gretzdyouounmjvfnfrughjklqpoihjlnfkjdnkn!

 

Choir from Neptune: Blast them to kingdom come Captain Spektakulahr!

 

Prepare the PLANET SMASHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Choir:

Hez gut 1111 posts OMG!!!!!

 

There was a time when my urine flowed like a waterfall
but now it's only a gush or two every now and then
and there's no way I can drown anyone in urine.

See, he really is just a...

pathetic wombahahahahahahahahahhahahahat. 

 

I'm sure it's just something relating to the constipation, or possibly a minor bladder problem.

That was my 1111th post

and I forgot to boast

 

Now I digress and

no need to impress

 

But this song is going....

 

Choir: Nowheeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrreeeeeeee!

 

Magma Chorus: Malawëlëkaahm Fur Dihhël Kobaïa, Blüm Tendiwa Wohldünt Maem Dëwëlëss 

 

Vader: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaagh! 

 

But you’re wrong, Scott. This song is going to … be long.

 

Vompatti:

This song is going to belong 

to MEEEEEEE!!!! 

And don't think you can stop me from stealing it!

 

G. Gnome
I have to draw the line:
The copyright is mine.
This goes beyond belief
Vompatti is a thief!

 

Vompatti: I'm NOT a thief!

 

 

 G. Gnome:
Still I have to draw the line —
one line at a time.

Choir: you weren't referencing to the Aerosmith song, were you?

I just ate a whole bag of potato chips and don't feel constipated at all! 

 

Choir: we are so happy for you, wombatboooooy!

 

I don't even have a constant urge to urinate, so I assume there is no feces pressing against my bladder. 

Girl in Berlin:

That's very unfortunate!

We wanted to get rid of the wombat

But our plan didn't seem to work

So,

We'll eat him now. 

 

Why would the girl in Berlin want to kill me?
I don't believe it,
I don't believe it!
I thought she was my soulmate and my one true love.

Choir: no, it was a lie! Just an evil lie! the girl in Berlin knows no love, she's actually a vile garden gnome in a girl suit!

I can see it in her eyes, she's always been true to me!
And I felt a deep spiritual connection with her!
We even had similar fake leather coats!

 

Burn the wombat! 

Burn the wombat!

Burn the wombat and eat him!

Burn the wombat!

Burn the rodent!

Burn the rodent and devour him!

Burn the wombat!

Burn the wombat!

With a set of matches!

 

In Soviet Russia rodents burn you. 

But not in sunken Atlantis!

(matches solo)

(Baglamas and church organ)

While the inexplicably arrogant Fishmonger XVI

Part Something 5: The Name of the Gnome

J. G. Gnome:
My name’s James Gordon Gnome,
A garden is my home

Choir:

Fishmongers and gnomes they both hold their wheelbarrows

Just like J.G. Gnome and sweet Molly Malone

 

J. G. Gnome:
My mom was a gnome, and you’ll know who I am
when I’m selling England by the gram.

 

Hammill: A House is not a Gnome

A Gnome is not a Louse

A Mouse is not to roam

A spouse is not to moan

 

And a couch is not a throne,

A chorus not a drone.

 

A dog must have a bone

A king must have a throne

a Rambo must have Stallone

A Secretary has a phone

A Hot rod must be blown

An ice cream has a cone

 

 

chorus: A SECRETARY MUST HAVE A BONE!!!

 

(instrumental break of a blonde clicking two bones together)

 

chorus: AND A KING MUST HAVE A HOT ROD!!!

 

Court Jester:
And here’s a COLD TURKEY for the queen.

Magician: I have come to put a spell on your turkey!

 

(spell casting music) 

 

Choir: The Queen is not amuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuused!

 

Magician: I put a spell on the turkey . . . beeecaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuseeeeeeeeee heeeeeeeeeeeeee's miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiineeeeeeeee!

 

I'll turn it into a Christmas tree

 

I’ll turn it into a Christmas dinner.

In French it is Indian, in Greek it is French, in English it’s Turkish,
the Portuguese call it peru —
which is more or less true.

The Fiddler:
Absurd! I’m out of words!
I thought the nerds
knew all about birds.

No-one can solve my riddle?
At least I can fiddle my fiddle!

(The fiddler and The Whistler playing their Turkish Bluesberry Jam)

 

The Nerd:

So Peru is the equivalent

Over there in South America

Of what 's Turkey, as I guess,

In Europe and in Asia.

 

Choir:
Dindon, dinde,
galopoula,
turkey,
peru …

It’s a supersized snack bird that sure can fly!

 

White Queen: I will feast on your turkey!

 

Black Queen: I will change your turkey to a frooooooooooooooooog!

 

Green Queen: I love froooooooooooooooooooooooogs!

 

Purple Queen: I would rather dooooooooooooooooooooooogs!

 

Pink Queen with Yellow Spots:" You are all maaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!

 

All Queens in unison: We are most definitely maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!

 

Black knight:

I will slay the turkey 

that's been ravaging your town. 

I will be your saviour

You will soon kneel down 

for me!

 

And when I've slew the turkey

you shall hand me the crown.

I will be your ruler 

and I bet some of you might frown!

 

 

 

 

choir: And I bet some of you might DROWN!!! 

White knight (to black knight):

So you will slay the turkey

that's been ravaging this town?

Please now, don't be foolish

and stop acting like a clown!

 

Black knight (to white knight):

LOLWUT are you thinking

that you can talk like that to me?

Grab your sword and fight me

or run away and pee!

 

Choir: ...your paaaaants!

 

 

Spoken word:

 

And so he pees his pants only to find that the pee is a sickly greenish color... The Green Queen has cursed him! He is peeing a brilliant shade of pea!

 

The Green Queen has cursed him with an unusual kind of urinary tract infection!

 

Black knight:

With you out of my way

I shall face the turkey.

I hold my sword in hand

I'll be the saviour of a nation!

 

Choir: deep into the turkey's lair, the knight should be aware!

 

Black knight:

In this dreadful cavern

I shall slay the turkey.

I hold my sword in hand

I strike with a deadly blow

and tear the beast to shreds! 

 

(Heavily distorted vibraphone solo)

 

Choir: he has slew the turkey, now he will be our king!

 

Black knight:

I will rule the lands

and none shall bring me down!

Now my lovely queens

hand me the crown!

 

Green queen:

You now are our saviour

but you've tricked us, nasty man!

 

Purple queen:

Our beloved kingdom 

Is now yours although it kind of hurts...

 

Turkey rider:

Stay right there

You slew my beast!

Now you'll have it

I will feast

on your fleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh!

 

Black knight:

LOLWUT?! NOOOOOOOOOO!

 

(Sounds of black knight being devoured by the turkey rider)

 

Red Queen:

I let the turkey rider be

And make my move to Gryphon Three

 

Turkey Rider 

Why goest thou, oh fair Red Queen?

Hast thou infection in thy spleen?

Or doth yonder Gryphon of the Number Three

Chaseth thee?

 

Red Queen

What in the  did you just say?

 

Choir: He said.... uh, actually, we couldn't make it out either.

 

(Dark, gritty sounding guitar riff accompanied by didgeridoo quartet)

 

The Man on the Silver Mountain

(Hears the ominous sound of didgeridoos in the distance)

Something tells me I'd better activate my Prayer Capsule!

 

The Fireman:
I am the one who looks after the farm
(the farmer looks after the fire)
I’m actually nice, but I’m heavily armed
(with a cheese and a tyre)

Choir:

You, yeah you, don't you try to fool us all

With water clear, take care of all your harvest

Or just put out the fire!

 

 

Bowie: I've been putting out fire with gasoline!

Mad beaver:

Hi thur, whiny wombat!

U've gut sumtin fo' me 2 eat?

I am rly hungry

'N Winona fo'got 2 feed

Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

 

 

Yo bro, I 'nly got sum appl's, 'n I'm a-gonna eat 'em m'self, k?

Choir: APPLES ARE HIGH IN FIBER AND THUS GOOD FOR CONSTIPATION!!!

Mad beaver:

WTF?! Can't u just gimme 1 dude?

I'm really hungry u know

'Nd I've gut nowhere 2 go

Cuz Winona haz dumped me

On teh streetz all alone!

 

 

I can give you one, but know that you will have to pay a high price for it one day. 

Choir: but the mad beaver stole Vompatti's apples and ran away, far away!

But what the mad beaver did not know was that one of the apples had a worm in it, and when the mad beaver ate the apple the worm entered his metabolic system and began eating him from the inside.

Choir: and the beaver slowly rots in dirt!

And the wombat slowly defecates on the beaver!

Censored line

and now it's time to shave the beaver!

Choir: but don't cut off the tail!

And his recent diarrhetic tendencies make the mud nice and soft to play in.

choir: Too late, damn.

White Queen: I will shave the beaver!

 

Black Queen: I will change your beaver to a Tassie Deviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiil!

 

Green Queen: I love Tassie Deviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiils!

 

Purple Queen: I would rather a platypuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuus! 

 

Pink Queen with Yellow Spots:" You are all Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzzy!

 

All Queens in unison: We are most definitely Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzzy!

 

A shaved beaver is about as interesting as a doughnut with no topping.

White Queen: I will eat the doughnut!

 

Black Queen: I will put on the tooooooooooooooooping!

 

Green Queen: I love doughnuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuts!

 

Purple Queen: I would rather eat a hambuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurger! 

 

Pink Queen with Yellow Spots:" You are all naaaaaaaaaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzty!

 

All Queens in unison: We are most definitely naaaaaaaaaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzty!!

 

Bright coloured queens are about as nasty as shaved beavers!

 

song within a song within a song within a song

 

(big collage of previous bits continued)

 

G. Gnome:

We've told you behave but still you forget to shave

your cruel looking forehead! WHAAAA!!!

 

Vompatti:

Why'd you have to pick on me

 

G. Gnome:

Oh no, please my master wombat!

I will serve you all my life

But please my master wombat!

Don't suck me into the black hole that remains inside your left nostril

For I don't want to suffer in a beaver-like dimension

For all etenityyyyyyyYYYYYYY!!!!!!!

 

Magma Chorus: Malawëlëkaahm Fur Dihhël Kobaïa, Blüm Tendiwa Wohldünt Maem Dëwëlëss 

 

Burn the wombat!

Burn the rodent!

Burn the rodent and devour him!

Burn the wombat!

 

Choir:

Fishmongers and gnomes they both hold their wheelbarrows

Just like J.G. Gnome and sweet Molly Malone

 

J. G. Gnome:
My mom was a gnome, and you’ll know who I am
when I’m selling England by the gram.

 

A Mouse is not to roam

A spouse is not to moan

 

And a couch is not a throne,

A chorus not a drone.

 

A dog must have a bone

A king must have a throne

a Rambo must have Stallone

A Secretary has a phone

A Hot rod must be blown

An ice cream has a cone

 

 

chorus: A SECRETARY MUST HAVE A BONE!!!

 

(instrumental break of a blonde clicking two bones together)

 

chorus: AND A KING MUST HAVE A HOT ROD!!!

 

Court Jester:
And here’s a COLD TURKEY for the queen.

 

Magician: I have come to put a spell on your turkey!

 

(spell casting music) 

 

Choir: The Queen is not amuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuused!

 

Magician: I put a spell on the turkey . . . beeecaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuseeeeeeeeee heeeeeeeeeeeeee's miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiineeeeeeeee!

 

Black knight:

I will slay the turkey 

that's been ravaging your town. 

I will be your saviour

You will soon kneel down 

for me!

 

 

Robotic Voice:

         SHAAAAAAAAAAAKE!

       SHAAAAAAAAAAAKE!

     SHAAAAAAAAAAAKE!

   SHAKE!

SHAKE!

 

(the finale continues)

 

I'm so pathetic I can't even write a 6-page essay in which I'm supposed to compare Orwell's Animal Farm and Pink Floyd's Animals. 

Mormon tabernacle Choir: That sounds intrigung - leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet me heeeeeeeeeeeeelp!

 

 

If you could quickly summarize the differences between Waters's dogs, pigs and sheep and those of Orwell, that would be nice.

Sometimes it's very hairy in here, sometimes I wear a hat,

sometimes my forehead will appear; betimes I think it has.

There's a snake lining down my mirror,

Smelly gas disturbs my pace

and though the smell is strong and gross

It can reach the pretty corners of this place. 

There's a stinky, smelly, sock-shaped castle in the clouds;

I draw the turkey's meanings there. 

But seven years and only one buck is around the corner

and in my nostrils lurks spectre of a hair. 

 

Tacky scissors amidst the drapes of the landing;

Slit wrists, don't get to understand it. . . 

I'm only trying to find a place for my garden gnome. 

 

I’ve lived in houses composed of basses

where all the waters are charted

but now watchman, he screams and barks

and I fear that I’m in a violent hell. 

My words are basses inside the pee

they swim through faith, hope and reason - 

but iron slowly rusts to dust

gathering around my hair. 

Sometimes I get the feeling 

that there’s someone elsewhere:

the brainless watchman wakes me uneasily;

his voice annoys me,

and his presence is creepy.

He informs me I should get out of my bed. 

What’s a bed, butt out of and into! (teehee)

I don’t know the nurture of the walls I walk in to,

I don’t know the nurture of the nature

that I am inside. . . 

 

I’ve lived in houses composed of dicks

where all devotion is sacred

and if you wan’t the passion of a fruit

you must first sniff at its fragrance

and lay your body before the shrine

with poo and soft-porn and tissues

or, if you’ve got the guts, you’ll have to choose

to stay, a boy, or leave, a man.

What is this place for my garden gnome?

Is it a salmon with no profession?

Is it the chant that you yell to get attention? 

Is it really only somewhere you can play?

Is it a booklet or a novel?

Is it the beating of the butt of your inspector?

Does the idle man eat or decay?

 

No I haven't noticed actually. I've only got two or three Hammill albums and Louse is not on any of them.

 

Choir: Louse, Louse, Louse is not on any of them. OH NOOOOOO!!

*cataclysmic dissonance from all instruments, followed by further internal solo-age from Messrs Wakeman and Emerson*

 

Choir: you should get Silent Corner And The Empty Stage then, it's quite goooood!

I don't think I can afford to buy any more albums right now unless it's absolutely necessary.

Narrator: ...which is why we need your donations to the Music for Vompatti appeal. Please call now and give whatever you can. There are many in the same situation who could really use your help.

*tear-jerker music*

Gone are the days when my heart was young and gay . . . 

Now come the days when my head turns bald and grey...

 

Oh I wish I could stay...here...

Oh I wish could, John Deere . . .

Choir: Oh John Deere with his pet deer, John

That peer just looks like a pear!

Sha-la-la-la-la-la-laaaaa!

Choir: 

Dadum! Bom bom bom baaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! 

Wom Bat Bath Bad Bed Pet!

Dadum! Bom bom bom bahahahahahahahah!

Bom bom boooooom!

 

Oh yeah, oh yeeeeeEEEEEAAAAAAAAH!!!!

Oh noooo!

LOLWUT?! 

Ol' Butt?! 

HOLY SKEET TEH GUITR RIF ON PJ HARVEES "BEATIFUL FEALIGN" IS STRAITH FROM SUM KING GRIMSON SOGN!1!! 

Oh yeah?

Yes, it's the one that goes like "diiiiiii-diiiiiii-diii-diii-diiiiiii-diiiiiiii--diiiiiii-diiiiiiii-dii-diii-diiiiiiiiiiii-diiiiiii-diiiiiiiiiiiii". I can't remember if it's on Starless, Fracture, or one of the Larks' Tongues.

Here, I made a midi file of it: http://rapidshare.com/files/381210574/riff.mid.html.

Y DONT U DOUNLOUD IT U FOOL ND TEL ME WUT IT ISZ?!?!!!!1 

(descending synthesizer pattern representing download of song)

Can you tell me what it is?

Jeff Lynne:
I put a bell on you
Jim Morrison:
OK, that’s fine.

Professor Isaac M. Mortal:
Apart from being an electric conductor, Mr Lynne is also an electrician and arranges all sorts of things with wires and strings. Mr Morrison, of course, is the front door.

 

choir: I put a bell on you . . . because you're a cow!

I got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell.

 

Fool! It’s fracture

Choir: you should've recognized it immediately as it's one of teh bestz KC tracks. 

Choir: it's a pretty basic riff so I wouldn't say it was taken from Fracture.

 

*Choir tenor shoots a golf ball into the audience, then shouts 'FORE!!!'*

 

The Sopranos:

If someone in the audience sings out loud

The ball might find its way to his mouth

But we won't call this a birdie:

A mouth is not a hole!

 

Male Voices: NO! ... A mouth... is not... a hooole

Oh baby, baby I love you so!
Now that you're gone, I feel so low
Oh why, oh why did you have to go?
Oh baby, baby I love you so!

Choir: he's chewing on your nose!

He's merely caressing it with his tongue, you fool! 

Choir: no he's sucking blood out of the left nostril! 

It's only healthy to have that done every once in a while, it's like an intestinal wash for the nose.

Choir: this weekend there was a spammer who posted a link to freely downloadable Buffy episodes. I reported it and it faded into nothingness! 

I'm not at all sure if that actually happened or not, but since I already have all of those episodes on legally purchased DVD's, I'm not at all sorry for the disappearance of the said link.

Choir: I ban Vompatti for purchasing DVDs legally.

            ...oh, wait, this is the wrong thread.

 

 

 

(14:23 minute toilet flush improv)

You fool, don't you know you can only flush a toilet every once in a while and then you have to wait for it to fulfil itself again?

Choir: what if there's several toilets next to each other and the musician also makes percussive sounds with the flushes?

OMG I KAN ALL MOST SEA TEH MUZIK VIDEOH BEFOOR MY EYS ON M-T-V LOL!111!!! 

Choir: I bet you dooooooo!

another choir: I bet you pooooooo!

Yet another choir: I bet you peeeeeeeee.....

 

A choir of drunken midget bikers: I bet you all vomit hahahaaaaarghAagaha!!!!!BURB!!!

OMG IM WATCHIG  BUFFY TEH VAMPIER SLAYRE SEESON FOOR AND TEH NEXT EPISOUD IS TEH QUIET SCAREY UN WHEER TEH HOLE CITTY GOUS DEF ND CANOT SPEEK !! 1 !1! !! 

Choir: I've not seen season foooouuuur yeeeeet! 

OMG U RLY SHUD IVE SEEN EVERY SEASON FOR AT LEEST FOUR TIMES!!!11!

Choir: smuuuuuuuug! 

I ban fip as I'd rather disappear than diss a pear.

Choir: nicely said, manipulator of words!

I LUV U 2! 

"Aaaw, VompattI!" said the wombat girl, and she sucked him into her nose. 

It was nice and warm inside her nose so Vompatti decided to remain there for the next 15 years.

He left a whiny, bearded wombat. 

choir:  He left a whiny, bearded wombat behind and remained there for the next 15 years.

Choir:  Oh, wait nooooo! He left a whiny, bearded wombat after those 15 years. Excuse us for the small but pathetic mistaaaaake. 

Why do I suddenly feel like scratching my arms and legs until they bleed? 

Choir: Because yoiu haven't washed yourself for 15 years and your arms and legs start to iiiiiitch?

That's probably it lol!!! 

Choirs: or there's a creepy wombat-like spider on it, oooh noz!!

I feel like scratching my whole body until there's no skin left! 

Why don't you just eat a garden gnome's pointy hat?

Because I just ate a bag of potato chips and feel like vomiting?

Choir: I see, should I go to sleep or listen another Miles Davis CD?!

You should put a Miles Davis CD on repeat and fall asleep while listening to it on low volume.

That won't work. I'm just going to listen to another CD and after that go to sleep. 

will come into your dreams and play a Merzbow CD on low volume. 

NOOOO PLEEEAAASE DOOOOONT! 

 

*Sounds of people screaming with intense fear*

 

There's no way you can stop me. BUAH AHA HA AH HAA HA HA H AHAHA H HAH H !!111!!! 

I bet you won't even find my head. You'll probably be in the dream of some random Swedish guy or so. 

Once I find one of your shoulders, it'll be easy to find your head.

I'll lift you up like a child. 

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains . . .

But they'll push you off a cliff!

They'll push me off a cliff, so I fall down and hit my head into a sharp rock . . .

But you'll survive while feeling intense pain...

IM A-GONA FALL ASLEAP NAU AND LUK FO MY HADNS K? 

Wait 15 more minutes and I'll join you

IM A-GONA FALL ASLEAP NAU, K? 

Be gone! 

I hope you'll dream about midget bikers and such. 

 

The llama is recording it in your dreams

choir: HEEE'S RECOOOORDING IT, HEEE'S RECOOOOOOOOOOORDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!! 

 

(Finale continues)...

 

(huge bombastic violin quartet slice up a massive rhythm as a scitar plays and a mandolin strums quietly.... over layed a leeltron chord is heard and then a piano bangs loud stabbing chords)

 

Choir: It's ending... it's finally ending... how will it end... how will it end? hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooow will it eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeend?

 

Magician: I will put a spell on you

 

Minstrel: No you won't

 

Magician: Yes I will

 

Minstrel: I see the black Queen

 

Black Queen: i am not interested in what you seeREed Queen: I will destroy you oh Queen

 

Klaatu: Ikto Vermino Destructo!

 

Red Queen: where did you come from?

 

 

Klaatu:  Ikto Vermino Destructo!

 

Red Queen: Magician, destroy him!

 

(massive crescendo of strings building in a frenetic tempo)

 

Magician: I put a spell on you!

 

Klaatu:  Ikto Vermino Destructo!

 

(sfx: a laser fires)

 

Magician: (screams) aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggghh!

 

Minstrel: The magician is dead!

 

Choir: dead! dread! the magician is dead!

 

(Finale continues)...

 

Choir: It's still ending... it's finally still ending... how will it end... how will it end? hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooow will it eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeend?

 

Minstrel: I am still alive

 

 

Black Queen: Not for long as i am about to use my secret weapon

 

Klaatu: Ikto Vermino Destructo!

 

Red Queen: do you have your spear and magic helmet?

 

Klaatu:  Ikto Vermino Destructo!

 

Red Queen: spear and magic helmet!

 

(massive crescendo of strings building in a frenetic tempo)

 

Klaatu:  Ikto Vermino Destructo!

 

(sfx: a laser fires)

 

Red Queen: (screams) aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggghh!

 

Minstrel: The Red Queen is dead!

 

Choir: dead! dread! the Red Queen is dead!

 

 

 

Not with a bang . . . but a WHIMPER!!!!!!

WHIMPER!!!!!!
yes it will all end with a

 WHIMPER!!!!!!
nothing but a squealing, whiny, weaserly

WHIMPER!!!!!!

instead of a huge, ginormous

BANG!!!!!
a boomer boomer boomer

BANG!!!!!

yes an incredible huge impactful nasty

BANG!!!!!
we must go out with a massive humongous

BAAAAAAAANG!!!!!

 

And so it all ends with a

BAAAAAAAANG!!!!!

(a huge mushroom cloud cascades up to the heavenlies)

 

Narration: and so as the sun sinks slowly int othe West, we farewell our cavalcade of weird and wonderful wacked out webbles without a cause. We say farewell to all the Robots, male and female choirs, weird eclectic experimental soloists and of course our intrepid adventurous characters including the Minstrel, Wombats, multi coloured Queens, Beavers, Turkeys, Mad Max characters, Magma voices, Gnomes, Court Jester, Fiddler, Nerd, Girl in Berlin, Black Knight, White Knight, The Magician, The Fireman, and so many others!

 

We trust you have enjoyed this psychotic meandering trash fictional music with a hint of psychedelic and heavy prog. 

 

and so farewell prog lovers all around the world, you have been such a lovely audience but now its time to take this one out with a last song from the Microcosmic God himself, Klaatu. Hit it, Klaatu!

 

Klaatu: Soooooooooooooooome enchanteeeeeeeeeed eveniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!

 

Black Queen: Wrong song, you fool!

 

Klaatu: Ikto Vermino Destrukto!

 

(a red laser blasts the black queen)

 

Black Queen: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

 

THE END (of track 2)

Blowin Free, you helped write this...

Blowin Free wrote: Okay guys, please list the vocal range for every character so I'll know how to sing it.

Well, I can tell you that Vompatti has a fairly low and incredibly sexy voice, while fip has a high-pitched whiny voice that sounds a bit like a sick cat.

Choir: He knows he is a looooooooooooooooon-

R. Waters: You f**ked up old hag, ha ha charade you are!

The sleepwalker shakes his limbs and is loose!
But though he is a stalker he can make no abuse
Nor can he sing a blues for his muse
before he rises again!

[Hell, that was deep ]

(Beatles sample)

Now it's time to say goodnight
Goodnight, sle (cuts off)

(alarm bells from Pink Floyd's Time)