Create a prog song - one verse or line at a time

"TIME FOR AN EPIC" BY EPICOLUCULOUS O)))

At the time it was intended to be locked out of my mind...

those interior suspicions born in you crept inside...

I'm recording it!

CHORUS: He's recording it!

But he can't resist the smell of turtles rotting in his bed

when he dances amidst their broken shells in a cheery way very much similar to Fred (Astaire)

and then as anxiety rises he curls up. 

(first solo)

And the garden gnome washed the mud out of his beard

and bathed in the early light of dawn (weird, huh?)

when the creature proceeded to...

write a silly story and ban people for their stupid questions

march forwards . . . until suddenly . . .

the wombat ghoul appeared!

(Drum Solo - slight return - fag break)

I see, is see behind the tree who is it

Is it a shaolin monk? (Slightly drunk choir: Nooooooo!!)

Is it a bicycle repair man? (Slightly more drunk choir: NoOoo!O1o!O1!)

The wheels have fallen off of my frame......

Is it Galileo? (Even drunker choir: No! No! No! Oh mamma mia, let me goooooo!)

Is it another tree? (Very drunk yet pretty ominous sounding choir: YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!)

LOLWUT!?1!?  (Choir: LOLWUTLOLWUTLOLWUT!?1!?  )

(whispered) He's recording it!

(yelled) OMG HESZ A-RECCORDIGN ITT?!?!1!!1!

The trees! The trees! All the trees come in threes!

(sofa table solo)

(sound of glass breaking)

(rhythmical toothbrush solo melts into a keyboard and sax solo exchange improvising over the Power Rangers theme)

Worthless pile of diarrhea, said the raving thug. 

I look out my mirror to the rear

WHY DID YOU EDIT?

JUST CUZ K?!!!!!

SHA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-SHA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA . . .

This burden sickens me! So I've got to VOMIT!!!!
chorus: He's gonna vooooooomit! He's gonna vooooooooooomiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit oooooooooooooooooooh!

(vomit solo)

And why don't you remember the day that garden gnomes offended you and destroyed your porcelain wombat collection while showing their genitals to you and peeing all over the furniture in your room?

And why don't you remember the day that midget bikers offended you and destroyed your porcelain rabbit collection while showing their genitals to you and peeing all over the furniture in your room?

Well that's always been the same room since the day I left it to the economic boom

chorus: We're gonna vooooooomit! We're gonna vooooooooooomiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit toooooogetheeeeeeer AAGASGYAGSAHRRRRARARARAR!!!!

Bleccccchhhh

(Toilet flush solo)

The Toilet’s flooding!

The toilet has caused a flood in the building where it's situated!

CHORUS: The building where the toilet is situated in is flooding due to the toilet malfunctioning!

Please evacuate the building immediately

II. The Evacuation

(Dark and brooding march-type instrumental section.)

I don’t know but I’ve been told

An eskimo pu . . . NO! WAIT!!!

Banana's dying! OH GEEZ!

Is that mold?! (Caused by the flood, perhaps?)

Oh, when you're crying at the shrine of old friend Pineapple, he'll surely teach you how to move yer booty cool!

But the Sun Rune reduces the possessor's soul! 

Shriek: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!

(Distorted pirate vocal solo.)

And we'll keelhaul you as soon as... *gong sound*

III. The multivitamine drink factory and DR. Igor's shimmering dreamscape

You think regular orange juice is good for you? Think again!

You think regular apple juice is good for you? THINK AGAIN!

chorus: ITZ ONLY TEH MULTIVITAMN JUUCE TAHTS RLY GOUD FOOR U!!1!!!

You think regular grape juice is good for you? YOU'RE DAMNED!

chorus: ITZ ONLY TEH ONLY TEHONLY TEH MULTIVITAMN JUUCE TAHTS RLY GOUD FOOR U!!1!!!

But as Dr. Igor watched the clouds ripple and the clear blue sky shimmer, he felt like one of my eyelids.

She is standing on my eyelids and her hair is in my hair

chorus: ITZ ONLY TEH ONLY TEHONLY TEH MUSHROOM JUUCE TAHTS RLY GOUD FOOR U!!1!!! 

But too many vitamins in one juice make you urinate more frequently than you'd like to.

But fool, I said mushroom juice, so you should know that doctor Igor is. Choir: TRIPPIN YEA!!!

another ((British) male) choir: OMGHEZTRIPPINLOL, OMGHEZTRIPPINLOL, LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!1!11 

(Several kinds of juices solo)

(Sounds of juice turning into urine.)

IV. The Funky Sounds Of Urine And Defecation

Just one touch, and you'll be free from all yer fearz!

CHORUS: Just one touch - you know where! 

Toilet papers dancing, in the river of turds!

CHORUS: They're dancing the quadrille, they're dancing the quadrille . . . IN TEH RIVERR OF RIVERR OF TUUURRRDS!!!

And you swing your penis, through the air!

And it makes such a lonesome sound . . . 

Like... (urinating solo)

Where can I find a save point?

In the toilet toilet toilet toilet toilet toilet toilet WAAAGH!!!

(Mellotron solo.)

CHORUS: They're dancing the quadrille, they're dancing the quadrille . . . BUT NOT FO' LONG!!!!!!!!!!!

Down the drain they go, into the ominous depths below . . . 

Terrifying sewer ghouls, grasping at the fruits from above!

Visions of morbid torture, fruits torn to pieces, fruits torn to pieces!

PIECES OF FRUITS DEVOURED BY ROARING CREATURES OF THE DEPTHS WORSE THAN NIGHTMAAAAAAAAAREES....

(Demonic trumpet solo! )

And the shriek of the ghouls makes you... SHIVER!!!! 

And the touch of the ghouls makes you . . . WET YOUR PANTS!!!

So that you lose your mind, and end up dying with a SCREECH!

Chorus: ISZ HE RLY RECORDIGN A-RLY RECORDIGN A-RLY RECORDIGN IIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTT?!!?!! 

(gentle humming)

(fade out . . .)

V. The fisherman's dirty little secret. 

(Dissonant distorted organ fade in...)

As I'm sure you can smell quite well, there's something fishy going on!

We're not sure what is happening, but feel free to sing along!

No no no no, it's all gone a-wrong! 

And he said "He Joel! Is Choirs Of The Eye worth buying one of these days? wooohhooohoyeah!"

OMG ITZ TOO EXPENISVE ITZ LAIK T2NETY EUOROS11!!!!

But what's money worth, IN TEH END WHOOOO!

(Tasteless hair metal guitar solo.)

(Tasty hair cutting solo)

(Melodramatic reading of one of Vompatti's hairdresser poems.)

But then...

Something scary . . .

Said words like "slime", "medicine", "grumpy" and "grape juice". 

chorus: ITZ ONLY TEH ONLY TEHONLY TEH MULTIVITAMN JUUCE TAHTS RLY GOUD FOOR U!!1!!!

(Brief reprise of gentle humming)

AAAAAAAAND DIIIIIID THOOOOOOSE FEEEEEEET IIIIIIIIIIN AAAAAANCIIIIIIENT TIIIIIIIIIME . . .

...MAAAAAAKE MEEEE WAAAAANT TOOOO GOOOO TOOOOO BEEEED, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND I WIIIILL...

WUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTEVR IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII DOOOOOOOOOOOOUNT CEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!1!1!1

I drink Coca Cola, which is a Soda, Yoda Yoda Yoda (Star Wars theme then solo )

Chorus:  The crisis of the modern world, the new world order and kali yuga!

Slay the fatted caffeine (Hey Nonny No) x 3

sore throut, sore throut, soda out of my mouth

Chorus: PUNCH A HOOOOOOOLE IN IT, PUNCH A HOOOOOOOLE IN IT!

(saxophone solo)

Chorus: PUNCH A HOOOOOOOLE IN IT, PUNCH A HOOOOOOOLE IN IT!

(Sounds of a ballpoint pen piercing the throat and endless gusts of blood bursting out.)

Chorus: GUILTY! GUILTY! Send him awaaaaaayyyyyyy!!!!!

(Electric chair solo)

SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IS A VERY COLD PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!11

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND THEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE AAAAAAAAAAAAAREEEEEEEEEE MAAAAAAAAAAAAAANYYYYY CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT(RU)S!!!

And all the cats lay in catacombs

And the Christians give them milk.

Some of the cats own catamarans 

And some of them own 46" plasma TVs.

where they sail to the sales

But none, no none of them owns a personal garden gnome!

Chorus: LIBERAL CAPITALISM IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL!!!

(Crunchy potato chips solo)

He's eating chips chips chips potato chips chips chips

While sailing the dark ocean of his own despair

our hero decided to let out some air

and discovered it really is useless to do so in a hurricane adding to his melancholy

(cello solo)

but a spoon ate a fork and then had to pee. 

CHORUS: Caspar David Friedrich is a damn fine painter!

But I've been working all day on schoolwork that I don't even have to finish, EVER!!!!

The same for me, except I haven't really been working on it although I should have and I really have to finish it today.

oh, baby, baby ,baby, ooooooooooooh yeah!(zeppelinesque soaring stratocaster solo)

(Roaring Big Scary Wombat Demon sound) ( )

(Spoken, robotically, over Strat solo) This...is...a...guitar...solo

BSWD: Tooooooodaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay I wrote a pornographic story concerning urination, blueberries and the organic nature of the universe!

I should make a list of albums to buuuuy thiiiiis weeeekeeeend, but the BSWD has eaten my HEAD!!!!

Chorus: OMG TEH BSWD HSZ EETEN HISZ HED, OMG TEH BSWD HSZ EETEN HISZ HEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!111!11!!

We have assumed control of yr soles!

And when the cyber-goths dance,

They really DANCE, if you know what I mean! 

No, I doooooooooooooooon't. 

I'm gonna maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake you know it! 

Then do it!

Chorus, like a stab: Do it!

DO iT DO IT DO IT MAMMA MIA LET ME GO

(operatic chorus) BEELZEBUB HAS A JELLY ON HIS BIKE FOR TEAAAA FOR TEAAAAA FOR TEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA(heavy guitar riff

And the queen of fearsome garden gnomes, entered the aquarium!

chorus: HEEEEEEESZ GOOOOOIGN TOOOH REEEEEEEEECK- OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooo- OOooOOOooOOOoooo- OORRRRRRRRRRRDDD IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTT!!!!11!1!

Narrator (spoken): But will he have enough room on his DVD?

Part VI. Hez gunna rekord it y'all get redy fo' it k?

(Drum solo with garden gnomes instead of sticks)

Part VII. ...enter the chaos...

(white noise, with occasional bleeps; gradual entrance of wordless chorus)

Lonely Unzu, the garden gnome, asked himself why... Choir: was part six so short, it makes me cryyyhyyyyyy!!!!11!1!

The Performing Rights Society intervene and halt the recording as their auditors claim said 'Gnomesticks' do not meet the size and weight regulations stipulated under paragraph 45a of sub clause 367 B: Sentient Mallets, Body Percussionists and Nose Flautists

The producer's defence that his diminutive clients will soon comply with the ruling if the drummer hits his kit hard enough fall on deaf ears alas and with tiny fishing rods in hand, the tiny bearded duo are led away shamefaced and shackled in (just one) set of handcuffs.

'Part Six was so short because it consisted entirely of the gnomestick solo; this is a prog song, it needs at least one completely instrumental movement' said the wise sage and onion stuffing

CHORUS: WEEEEEE WAAAAAANT MOOOOOOOOOORE OOOOOONIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOON STUUUUUUUUUFFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!!

And the fat whiny wombat cried out loud: "WHYYYYYY AAAAAAREEEEE U EEEEEEEETIN MAAAAAAAAAI PIIIIINEEAAAAAAAAAAPPPLEEEEEEZZ?"

You wanna know why? Enter the chaos and find out...

chorus: THE CHASM, THE CHASM IS OPEN!!!!

It calls his name

(Echoed whisper) Wombat...wombat...wombat...

chorus: IIITTZ CAAAAALING IIIITZ CAAAAAALIGN HHHHHHISZ NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIMMM!1!!!!!1

Paratroopers landing on the beach, with their supercool lasergunz and hendgrenadz tat look liek little toileeeeeeetz. 

choir (quietly on the background): AAAAAAAAND DIIIIIIIIIIID THEEEEEEE COOOOOOOOOOUUNTEEEEENAAAANCE DIIIIIVIIIIIIIIIIINEEEEEEEEE . . .

Chorus (clean vox, growls, robotic vox, shrieks, screams, opera-ish vox, distorted vox, veryveryhigh vox): IIIIITZ CAAAAAAAALLLIIIIIING HIZ NAAAAAAAMEEEE CAAAAAAAAALIIIIIING CAAAAAAAALING CAAAAAAALING CAAAAAAAAALING CAAAAALING CAAAAALING HIIIIIIZ NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME

Paratroopers setting up a tent on the beach, a tent on the beach, aaaaaa teeeeeeeeeeeeent ooooooooon theeeeeeeeee beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaach!!!!!

(boots on a beach solo)

(short quote from the march part of Shostakovich's 7th symphony)

Copyright, is en evil thing that crushes the wombat's bones (sooner or later).

choir: There's no copyright, there's no copyright, there's no copyright against quotes, shooooooort quuuuuuuuuuuoooooteeeeeeees!!!!

Not again !!! they all cried in unison as the Performing Rights Society stormed the building demanding if copyright clearance had been obtained for this extract. Thinking on his paws, the singing wombat explained that he was in fact 'Del' (Amitri) Shostakovich and that contrary to his famous signature, was
quoting himself for the purposes of this recording. Having all the cognitive suppleness of a large pebble, the Auditor from the PRS believed Vompatti and allowed the merry troupe to continue with their Prog Epicure.

Places everyone !!! and From the top luvvies and let's give this beeeatch a shiny wet nose this time fellas

Many kinds of twisted rodents, roaming the grounds of this slightly odd dreamscape. 

It's not very long, not very long at all.

Somnambulists betrayed their approach by virtue of their clumsy clogged tread

Just like a wombat's love machine...

That 'ATM of the heart' that still spits back your card when you've punched all the right buttons

La Mettrie: THEEEE WOOOOMBAAAAAAAT'S AAAAAA LOOOOOOOOOVEEEEE MAAAAAACHIIIIIIIIIIIINEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Horny wombat noise: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!! 

(Kinky guitar solo.) Kinky gnomes and foolish maggots eat your hands until they have to poo. 

They will drink your blood and urinate it.

Breeding and eating are the hounds with some pigeon-like body parts.

chorus:  PIECES OF FRUITS DEVOURED BY ROARING CREATURES OF THE DEPTHS WORSE THAN NIGHTMAAAAAAAAAREES....

A their weird looking noses always make me giggle.

(giggling solo)

Garden gnome: DIEEEEEEEEEEEE DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE DIEEEEEEEEEEEEE DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

So it seems, this is the end . . . 

But NOOOOOOOOOOOOHO! There's a saeaeaeaeviour!

There's a seviour, a seviour, a SAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIILOOOOOR IIIIIIIIIIIIS HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

He keelhauls nasty wombats, and burns the seas of sea turtles and sea horses!

I'm sure it's nothing serious, I've probably just been sleeping on my testicles!

Awake, I say, AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!

Awake and behold the world drowning in FLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!!

Awake and see the BSWD eating yer Dead Kennedys debut LP!!!

NO, NO, I won't let that happen, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But ye'r 2 l8, d0n't u kno tat?! Choir: doncha kn0 tat?!

choir: LOLWUT, LOLWUT, LOLWUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT???!!11!!1 

(sounds of choir massacre)

choir: THE CHOIR, THE CHOIR IS DEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!!!!! 

And they got really mad!

And your pinkie too!

Both your pinkies!

And one thumb!

And one nose!

And then you're dead.

But not MAD!!! Unless you're a trumpet!

I will go Lady Gaga with Radio Gaga, haha

And burst the coconuts into several pieces of goooooooooold and siiiiiiiilver! 

That's what we call the Midas Smash.

"la la la la la la la la" sung in falsetto in the keys of c c# d f c# a b a b

And he's got exactly 200 posts! Now burn that midget biker and eat him, the frog will squeeze him in!

choir: SQUUUUUUUUEEEZE HIM, SQUUUUUUUUEEEZE HIM NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!!

(Sounds of crying and whiny children)

SOOOOOOOOOOOON, OH SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON I will go to the library and possibly the hamburger joint!

Close to the library, down at the hamburger joint! Inside a tent, in the belly of a beaver! Seeeaaamonsters will wash you! Now that it's all, out and in, up and down, above above and under,  outside and inside!!!

choir: THEY WILL WAAAAAAAAAAAASH YOOOOOOOOOUR NAAAAAAAAAUGHTY BITS TOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Chorus: Even foolish wombats, go through the motion and stroke their own bellies! Wombat, belly, whiny, annoying, frustrating, wombat, st00pid, wombat, beaver, cool tail, wombat, big fail, Wynona, loves beavers more, wombat's, very poor!

NOOOOOOOooooooooOOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOoooooooOOOOO, that cannot be TRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! 

But it is, and you beter watch out! Cause Steven Seagal is going to get you, wombat! 

choir: STEVEN SEAGAL, SO MUCH COOLER THAN CHUCK NORRIS!!!!!

But then Steven Seagal turned into a SEAGULL!!!! And he crapped on Patti's NOSE!

And he bit it!

Vompatti said "Hey y'all wutz goin' on!"

choir: THERE'S NOTHING, THERE'S NOTHING, THERE'S NOTHING GOING ON!!!

Chorus: Even foolish wombats, go through the motion and stroke their own bellies! Wombat, belly, whiny, annoying, awkward, wombat, st00pid, wombat, beaver, cool tail, wombat, big fail, Steven Seagal, bit Patti's nose, seagull, pood on PATTI'S NOSE!!!!!

chorus: HE POOD ON, HE POOD ON, HE POOD ON PATTI'S NOOOOOOOSEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

PART VIII (I believe): A great day fo pota toenails. (feat. Lil' Patti)

YOYOYOI!!!!!!! itz A GR8 DAY YO FO TOENAILS YOU AND POT8OZ 2! 

WTF R U NUTZ IMAGONA GO TO TEH LIARBRAY NAU TOENAALS WTF LOLO11`!`!1´!??!!

NO PLZ STAY Y'ALL CUZ TATZ MOAR FUN LOL!

NO I WOUNT BUTT FIRZT I WIL REED TEH INSTUCKTION MANUEL OF MY CAMMERA K?

K ITZ SEEMS LIEK PATTIZ GUNNA MAKE FOTOZ OF PEOPLEZ AT THE BURGER JOINT LOL!

NOU TAHT WUD BEE FOOLIS LLOL1!11

Chorus: Heeeee's gonna do it! Heeeeeee's gonna do it! Make a snapshot of a fat dude at the bur-ger joint!! Yeaaaaah!!

NOOOOOOOOOO TAAAAAAAAAAAAHT WUUUUUUUD BEEEEEEEEE FOOOOOOOOOOOLIS, LLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!1111!!1

A formerly pink somnambulent was caught in the camera eye.

Chorus: Heeeee's gonna do it! Heeeeeee's gonna do it! Make a snapshot of a thin girl at the li-bra-ry!! Yeaaaaah!! And not a snapshot of a formerly pink sleepwalker, oh no! not at aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag=haaaaaaaaaaall!!!!!

That sounds like a good idea actually! If only I could do it without her noticing . . .

But she will and she will bite your armslegsandhead off, oh yeah!

If she's pretty enough, I don't mind, if she's pretty enough, I don't mind, oh yeah!

YOYOYO wiz a bottle of rum and Vompaatee iz a PIRAtE aaargH!

Why is it that they won't allow me to manually set the shutter speed?

Massed Choir: Auferstehen! Ja auferstehen! Wirst du mein Herz in einem nu!!!

(Quote from Mahler's Resurrection Symphony, to depict the resurrection of the choir)

"do do do do do do do  la la" sung in falsetto in the keys of c c# d f c# a b a b

(Offstage brass bands, placed antiphonally, alternate fanfares based around the above notes, building up)

choir:  Why is it, why is it, why is it that they won't allow me to manually set the shutter speed?

Because it's just a cheap little pink colored camera!

No it's not, it's silver colored and cost about 300€. 

Choir: THRRREEEE HUNDRRRRED ... EEEEUUUUURROOOOOOOSSSS-AH!!!

And thein, Vompatti's pinkie got caught in the camera eye, and before you could say "Damn I've been working on school for several very long days now and most of it is just nonsensical and futile" the shutter closed and cut Vompatti's pinkie of which got blasted into his left nostril. 

Shortly afterwards, Harold the Barrel took the pinkie out of the wombat's nostril and served it for tea.

IX. Journey to the Centre of Vompatti

(orchestral introduction)

Tenor voices of the choir: A thousand marching microscopic creatures crawling into the depths of Vompatti! Distorted shrieking dudes voice: VOMPATTEEEEE!!!

Massed choir, shouting: CHAAAAARRRGGGEEE!!!

(Church/Hammond organ duel)

Tenor voices of choir: We shall conquer the moldy beasts inside Vompatti! False falsetto voice: VOMPATEEEEEHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWH!!!!

Vompatti: It feels like I'm rotting from the inside! 

Chorus: Rotting rotting rotting! Rotting from the inside! Rotting rotting ROTTING!!! I think I'm losing myyyyyyyyy looooooove fooooooor cooooookies aaaaaaaaand poooootaaaaaaaatoooooo chiiiiips aaaaaaaand miiiiiiicrooooowaaaaaave fooood aaaaand haaaaambuuuuurgeeeeers froooooom theeeee hambuuuuurgeeeer joooiiint aaaaand truuuuuflesssss (thoooose thaaaata maaaake yoooouuuu triiiiip liiiike maaaaaagic muuuuuushrooooms) aaaaand sliiiiiiightlyyyyyy buuuuuuurt chicken aaaaaaaaaaaaand soooooooo muuuuuch MORE BUT I CAN't NAME IT AAAAAL DON'T YOU FRIGGIN' UNDASTAND THAT AAAARAAGAWAAARAGWARAGARAG  WAAAAAAARGH WAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's true, I haven't eaten potato chips in several hours!

So do the germs so they all DIE!!!!! (DIE!!!! with a Peter Hammillish high EEEEH shriek k?)

Voice from a high gallery: Well eat some my friend!

Vompatti's reply with pirate voice: YAWRAGAHAWAERHAGHAWAWWWAAAAARGOLDBLACKARGAJOEEEEARGAAAHAGHOLDBAAGHBLACKJOEEE!!!

Choir: We shall conquer!

(All-stops-out blast from the organ on 'conquer')

(A solo by a falstetto voice making weird variations on the words: Conquer and not very often the word: Sneeze as well)

And they know they will eat from the moldy cheese one of these days

That's mostly because someone must be recording it! RECOOOORDIDIIINGGGN IIITITITIT!!!!!

And they know the moldy cheese will cause funny things to happen in their bellies!

That's mostly because someone must still be recording it! RECOOOORDIDIIINGGGN IIITITITIT!!!!!

choir: someone's recording it, RECOOOORDIDIIINGGGN IIITITITIT!!!!!

And the plumbers falls into a deep sleep, devoured by those nasty germs and womrats!

choir: It must be, it must be, it MUST BE SOMEEEETHIIIIIIIIIING HEEEEEEEE AAAAAAAAAAAATEEEEEEEEEE!!!1!!!111

MY RECORDING SURE GOT FAMOUS!

This is going to be so effin fun to record, heh, heh...

(Electric guitar that's not amplified solo)

(Amplified kazoo solo)

He's obsessed with that turd, and treats it with care!

He caresses it's smelly skin as if it was a wealthy lady soon about to die!

The music stops, except for an organ with gives a terrifying shriek while a piercing voice yells: ITZ A MURDER OMG!!!!!1!11!!!!1!1

choir: it's a murder, a murder, a MURDER OMG!!!!1!!!1!11 

(Sheer craziness from orchestra and rock band, with shouts of protest from the choirs)

A monkey?!??!!? NOOOOOOOOOO MOOOOOORE LOOOOOBSTEEEEERS?!?!?!?!

Get this monkey offa ma back!

Look, the monkey changes! Choir: IT BEKUMZA WOMBAAHAHHAHAHAHAAT!!!!

X. Rise of the Wombat

(Hissing noises from choir)

I sing for love of wombatkind,
I have one in my heart and mind,
Low, my heart aches for him.

Oh wombat, we weep for you

WTF I URINATATE ON EVRY UN OF U!!11!!!1!! 

Choir: Everyone of us?

EEEEEEEEEEEVRYYYYYYYYYYYY UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN OOOOOOOOOOOOOOF YOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!1!!!!!

(Choir vocalises on C C# D F C# A B A B pattern)

Sinister chant:
Walking across the sh*tting room I turn the telekitchen off

I've been having trouble defecating lately.

sh*tting besides you, I look into your eyes. 

choir: Can you see that image in you eyes???!!!

No, as I've got bad vision and I've always had!

Even though I just ate a bag of potato chips I don't feel like defecating at all! 

sh*tting on the park bench! Eyeing little girls on the internet! 

choir: he's eyeing little girls urinating on the park bench!

But the high notes of the guitar sound odd when coming out of a bass amplifier!

(sounds of  the high notes of the guitar coming out of a bass amplifier.)

Chorus: I bet Vompatti looks like an emo teen girl

Don't you know that emo teen girls never have trouble defecating?

Chorus: I bet Vompatti looks like a pseudo emo teen girl

No I don't, no I don't, no I dooooooooooooooooooon't!

Choir: yes he doeoeoeoeoeeos! Yes he DOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOES!!!!

BUT EMO GIRLS ARE PRETTY AND I'M NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!! 

Chorus: I bet Vompatti looks like a whiny guy with a huge mustache!

No I don't, no I don't, no I dooooooooooooooooooon't!

Choir: yes he doeoeoeoeoeeos! Yes he DOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOES!!!!

Please believe me, I don't look like that at all! 

And he CRIED!!!!!! WHINED!!!!!! AND SCREAMED!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARARARAGAHAAGHAGAAHAGAHAAAAGH!!!!!

choir: COFFEE IS THE GREATEST LAXATIVE!!1!!1 

(Trumpet solo by Vompatti)

(Sounds of Vompatti finally defecating.)

And it's colored black with bright brown dots!

choir: bright brown, bright brown like the stars!

But the stars fade to GREEN!!!!!! Choir: OH NOOOOOOOOZ!!!!

Part XI: Apocalypse in Green

(Scary electronic sounds.)

Choir: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPOCALIPZ

choir: GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN aaaaaaaaaapooooooooooooocaLIPS!!!

All kind of lips! There are lipsticked lips, crustly lips, warty lips, moldy lips, hairy lips, a garden gnome's lips and pretty big lips too!

Lips attached to naked women and other monsters!

Choir: LMFAOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHH!

You may be laughing now, but I feeeeeaaaaaar tooomooooooorrooooooow yooooouuuu'll beeeeee cryyyyyiyiyiyiyiiiiiing! 

Choir: kiiiiiiing criiiimsoooooon iiiiiiis aaaaaaa preeeeeettyyyyyy "meeeeeeeh" baaaaaaaaaaand!!!!!!!!!! 

Other choir: preeeeeetty muuuuuch aaaaaaaaaaaaall oooooooooof theeeeeeeeeeiiiiir seeeeeveeeentiiiiieeeees stuuuuuuuuuuuuff iiiiiiiiiiiiiiis puuuuuuuuuuuuureeeeeeeee briiiiiiilliiiiiaaaaaanceeeeee!!!!

No it's not and Island SUX LOL!

Yes it is and Islands is one their BEST!!!! 

Wombats on the road, Wombat's tale, Wombat lady.... all nonsense!

NO ITZ NUT U FOOL!11!11 

Foolish wombats! They are sick in mind!

choir: Wombats, those perverse creatures of the night!

XI. Weird gardens and weird garden gnomes (the catchy part that wall be released as a single)

AND LOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! ITZ A GARDEN GNOOOOOOOME!!!!!!

choir: It's part XII, part XII, part XII, PART XII, U FOOL!!!!!11!!

WE DUNT RLY CARE, said the wombats in the minivan!

choir: EDYT IT RITE NAU . . . UR ESLES. 

(Long and somewhat boring reprise of all previous parts)

choir: ISZ HE RLY GONA RECKORD IT, LOOOL??!!!?1 

It's the wombat in the mirror! Choir: HE MIMICKZ U!!!!

OMG HAV U TURND INTOH A WOMBATT LOL??!1!!

But either way you turn, Vompatti will be there, op up yer SKULLLL!L!L!L!L!L!L!LL!!!!!!!!!

. . . I'll beeeee theeeeeeeeeeeeer, craaaaaaawling ooooon theeeeeee floooOOOOOOoooOOOOORRRR!!!!!

And he'll fall asleep, being too smelly to be dragged away!!!!

choir: no he can't fall asleep, no he can't fall asleep, no he CAN'T - FALL - ASLEEP with this pain in his testicles!!!!

(Melancholic Hiphop beat break)

choir: HE'S RECORDING IT, HE'S RECORDING IT!!!

REEEREEREREREREREREREREREERCOCOCOCOCOCCOCORDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDINGINGINGINGINGINGING ITITITITITITITITITITITITITITITITITITITITITITITIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Testicular cancer is usually painless!

Choir: Testicular cuts and bruises usually are!

David Gilmour: There is no pain, you are receding . . .

I look down at my hand and its bleeding...

KOOLAID!

(Testicles bathing in Kool-aid solo)

I think the right one might be a bit in the wrong place!

Voice from the other side of the looking glass:
And I'm wondering who could be writing this song.

He say wombats are quite what they seem;

I say wombats are nothing.

I always forget how crazy wombats are . . .

Takes more than wombat gear to make a man …

choir: OOOOooooOOOOoooo, he's a woooooooombaaaaaaaaat in Neeeeeeeew Yoooooooooooooork!!!

If I can (Ah!) make it there I'll make it (Ooh!) anywhere
I am a wom...bat...in...New....York!!!

Regrets? I've had a few, but then again, too many to mention . . .

Choir: He never quotes himself??? OH NO! We're DOOOOOOOOOMED!!!!

It's true, "I never quote myself"!!!

(Rick Wright-esque keyboard solo)

IT's the globalizing march of economic wombats! Choir: noooooooooooooooooooo!!!!! SAVE US!!!!!!!

XIII. The Globalizing March of Economic Wombats

(instrumental, starting with reprise of amplified kazoo break from earlier)

(Sounds of marching little chubby feet)

(Antiphonal brass band fanfares)

(Tuba sounds that sound like quirky farts)

(Quirky farts that sound like tuba sounds, 13/8)

(Tuba (bass fart)/fart/kazoos (alto/soprano farts) combine for an epic massacre of sound)

(A Hammond blows a staccato blast that blows the walls apart and several small furry creatures scatter as Nimoy goes to the mike and sings...)

HUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!!!!

Nimoy screams:

HEEEEEY NUDE DONT MAKE IT GLAD YOU HAVE FOUND HER NOW GO AND PET HER!