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el böthy

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Topic: Simpson jokes
Posted: March 28 2006 at 17:10

Ok, this is how it works...we all write one classic, or not that classic Simpson joke...Ill start

Marge - "Homer there is a man who can help you"
Homer -"Batman?"
Marge - "No, a scientist"
Homer - "Batman is a scientist..."

hahahaha, classic...now you!

Edited by el böthy

"You want me to play what, Robert?"

Bj-1

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Posted: March 28 2006 at 17:20

Homer - "Homer no function beer well without"

RIO/AVANT/ZEUHL - The best thing you can get with yer pants on!

Visitor13

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Posted: March 28 2006 at 17:24

This may not be very precise, but here's how I remember it:

Homer at an AA meeting: "My name is Homer Simpson and I'm here because the police forced me to."

SymphoniColburn View Drop Down

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Posted: March 28 2006 at 17:41

From And Maggie Makes Three, where Homer walks home from his new job at the bowling alley not knowing that Marge is pregnant.

Wiggum: Hey, I just heard the news over the squawk box. That's nice work, Homer.
Homer: Thank you. Thank you very much. It is nice work.
Apu: Congratulations, I just heard about your little bundle of joy.
Homer: Yes, the bundle is little, but I'm not in it for the money.
Moe: Hey Homer! Way to get Marge pregnant!
Homer: Okay, this is getting abstract, but yes, I do enjoy working at the bowling alley.
(...later....)
Maude: Oh and congratulations on your new job, Homer.
Homer: New job? Marge is pregnant? No!

It doesn't make much sense out of context, but it is a funny run.

- You have just witnessed a post by SymphoniColburn!

Tony R

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Posted: March 28 2006 at 17:48

Homer: Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge: Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.
Bart: You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not not-talking to me and secondly I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Bart: Uhhh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer: Bart, go to your room.

Visitor13

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Posted: March 28 2006 at 17:56

The scene where Homer is found hiding in the toilet at the nuclear plant he works in, and dragged away screaming, only for us to find out that he's to join his workmates in the morning fitness session.

daz2112

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Posted: March 28 2006 at 18:38

DOH!!

In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole

MrHiccup

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Posted: March 28 2006 at 19:52

<--"Man getting hit by football"

and...

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Homer: Woo-hoo!

Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends...

Laurent

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Posted: March 28 2006 at 20:40

From The Joy Of Sect

Homer: Wait, I'm confused about the movie... so the cops knew internal affairs were setting them up?
Man: What are you talking about theres nothing like that in there
Homer: Well y'see when I get bored I make up my own movie. I have a very short attention span
Lady: But our point is very simple, y'see when...
Homer: Oh look! A bird! Hihihihihee

Dalezilla

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Posted: March 29 2006 at 08:39

Bart: Mo-om! My slingshot doesn't fit in these pockets. And these shorts leave nothing to the imagination. These uniforms suck.
Marge: Bart, where do you pick up words like that?
Homer on the phone: Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night! They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked! ... I gotta go, my weiner kids are listening.

Edited by Dalezilla

Peter

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Posted: March 29 2006 at 08:50

Moe: "Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I'm your host, Moe Syzlac, or as the ladies call me, 'hey you in de bushes dere!'"

Moe cracks me up!

Edited by Peter

"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.

el böthy

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Posted: March 29 2006 at 10:28

Homer after seeing Barney´s movie...

Barney´s voice in the movie - "Don´t cry for me, Im already dead..."
Homer - "Wow...I will never have another beer in my life"
Salesman- "Beer, get your..."
Homer - "Give me 10!"

Edited by el böthy

"You want me to play what, Robert?"

Peace Frog View Drop Down

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Posted: March 29 2006 at 15:35

From Don't Fear The Roofer:
Moe: Who wants ass frosting?
Steven Hawking: No thanks, I'm on Atkins.

Edited by Peace Frog

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Posted: March 29 2006 at 16:06

"Look Marge, I'm sorry I haven't been a better husband, I'm sorry about the time I tried to make gravy in the bathtub, I'm sorry I used your wedding dress to wax the car, and I'm sorry - well, let's just say I'm sorry for the whole marriage up to this point." (Marge on the Lam).

Homer: "When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!" (There's no Disgrace Like Home).

'Like so many of you
I've got my doubts about how much to contribute
to the already rich among us...'

Robert Wyatt, Gloria Gloom

Rust

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Posted: March 29 2006 at 18:42

Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star

Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.

Homer: So I realized that being with my family is more important
than being cool.
Bart: Dad, what you just said was powerfully uncool.
Homer: You know what the song says: "It's hip to be square."
Lisa: That song is so lame.
Homer: So lame that it's... cool?
Bart and Lisa: No.
Marge: Am I cool, kids?
Bart and Lisa: No.
Marge: Good. I'm glad. And that's what makes me cool—not caring, right?
Bart and Lisa: No.

Homer: Okay, once more. Where are we going?
Edna: To Capital City.
Homer: And why are you and the old lady in the car?
Agnes: We're gonna talk Armin Tanzarian into coming back.
Homer: And why is Marge here?
Marge: I came up with the idea.
Homer: And why am I here?
Marge: Because the streets of Capital City are no place for three unescorted
ladies.
Homer: Why are the kids here?
Marge: Because we couldn't find Grandpa to sit for them.
Homer: Why is Grandpa here?
Abe: Because Jasper didn't want to come by himself!
Homer: Huh, fair enough.

We got to pump the stuff to make us tough
from the heart
Its astart
What we need is awareness we cant get careless
Mental self defensive fitness
Make everybody see in order to fight the powers that be

Gog/Magog

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Posted: March 30 2006 at 10:22

Homer getting angry with Lisa:

"You know nothing know it all"

I love the one-liners that nearly pass you by

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Posted: March 30 2006 at 11:41

Duff Man: "Duff man can't breathe, oh no ooohh"
"Duff man is thrusting in the direction of the problem!"
"This Reich is gonna last a 1000 beers!"

Titanya: "Duff man you said if i slept with you i wouldn't have to toss the drunk!"
Duff Man: "Duff man says a lota things! OOHHHH YEAH!"

Peace Frog View Drop Down

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Posted: March 30 2006 at 15:33

From How I Spent My Strummer Vacation

Homer: I even took some pills I found on the floor but still nothing! Now I'm afraid that if I stop talking I'll die! Isn't Mick cool? I thought he'd be all like, "I'm a rock star, aren't I great?" But he's just like you or me or Jesus over there!!

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Posted: March 30 2006 at 15:59

Snake: "Wallet inspector."
Geek: "Oh here you go, I'm sure everything's in order."

Zepology101 View Drop Down

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Posted: March 30 2006 at 16:18

I don't remember the lines correctly, but here we go;

Bart (calling Moe in the bar): hello, I'm looking for a, first name, Hugh, last name, Jazz?

Moe: Hey! I'm looking for a hugh Jazz! Hugh Jazz! Do we have a Hugh Jazz in here?

Hugh Jazz: My name is hugh jazz! (answers phone) Hello?

Bart: Uh, sorry, but this was suppossed to be a prank call that sort of backfired on me...

Hugh Jazz: oh, no problem. (hangs up) such a nice boy...

It's not as funny unless you say the name Hugh Jazz out loud. It's suppossed to sound like huge a**.

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el böthy Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Prog Reviewer Joined: April 27 2005 Location: Argentina Status: Offline Points: 6336	Topic: Simpson jokes Posted: March 28 2006 at 17:10
	Ok, this is how it works...we all write one classic, or not that classic Simpson joke...Ill start Marge - "Homer there is a man who can help you" Homer -"Batman?" Marge - "No, a scientist" Homer - "Batman is a scientist..." hahahaha, classic...now you! Edited by el böthy
	"You want me to play what, Robert?"

Bj-1 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Special Collaborator Honorary Collaborator Joined: June 04 2005 Location: No(r)Way Status: Offline Points: 31433	Posted: March 28 2006 at 17:20
	Homer - "Homer no function beer well without"
	RIO/AVANT/ZEUHL - The best thing you can get with yer pants on!

Visitor13 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Forum Senior Member VIP Member Joined: February 02 2005 Location: Poland Status: Offline Points: 4702	Posted: March 28 2006 at 17:24
	This may not be very precise, but here's how I remember it: Homer at an AA meeting: "My name is Homer Simpson and I'm here because the police forced me to."

SymphoniColburn Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Forum Groupie Joined: July 05 2005 Status: Offline Points: 50	Posted: March 28 2006 at 17:41
	From And Maggie Makes Three, where Homer walks home from his new job at the bowling alley not knowing that Marge is pregnant. Wiggum: Hey, I just heard the news over the squawk box. That's nice work, Homer. Homer: Thank you. Thank you very much. It is nice work. Apu: Congratulations, I just heard about your little bundle of joy. Homer: Yes, the bundle is little, but I'm not in it for the money. Moe: Hey Homer! Way to get Marge pregnant! Homer: Okay, this is getting abstract, but yes, I do enjoy working at the bowling alley. (...later....) Maude: Oh and congratulations on your new job, Homer. Homer: New job? Marge is pregnant? No! It doesn't make much sense out of context, but it is a funny run.
	- You have just witnessed a post by SymphoniColburn!

Tony R Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Special Collaborator Honorary Collaborator / Retired Admin Joined: July 16 2004 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 11979	Posted: March 28 2006 at 17:48
	Homer: Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup? Marge: Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa. Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product. Bart: You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy? Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning. Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart. Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out. Marge: Homer, you're not not-talking to me and secondly I heard what you said. Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case. Bart: Uhhh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to. Homer: Bart, go to your room.

Visitor13 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Forum Senior Member VIP Member Joined: February 02 2005 Location: Poland Status: Offline Points: 4702	Posted: March 28 2006 at 17:56
	The scene where Homer is found hiding in the toilet at the nuclear plant he works in, and dragged away screaming, only for us to find out that he's to join his workmates in the morning fitness session.

daz2112 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Forum Senior Member Joined: January 18 2006 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 4483	Posted: March 28 2006 at 18:38
	DOH!!
	In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole

MrHiccup Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Forum Senior Member Joined: December 02 2005 Location: Argentina Status: Offline Points: 167	Posted: March 28 2006 at 19:52
	<--"Man getting hit by football" and... Homer: Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut! Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts! Homer: Explain how! Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services! Homer: Woo-hoo!
	Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends...

Laurent Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Forum Senior Member Joined: May 04 2005 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 513	Posted: March 28 2006 at 20:40
	From The Joy Of Sect Homer: Wait, I'm confused about the movie... so the cops knew internal affairs were setting them up? Man: What are you talking about theres nothing like that in there Homer: Well y'see when I get bored I make up my own movie. I have a very short attention span Lady: But our point is very simple, y'see when... Homer: Oh look! A bird! Hihihihihee


Dalezilla Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Forum Senior Member VIP Member Joined: July 28 2005 Status: Offline Points: 5113	Posted: March 29 2006 at 08:39
	Bart: Mo-om! My slingshot doesn't fit in these pockets. And these shorts leave nothing to the imagination. These uniforms suck. Marge: Bart, where do you pick up words like that? Homer on the phone: Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night! They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked! ... I gotta go, my weiner kids are listening. Edited by Dalezilla

Peter Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Special Collaborator Honorary Collaborator Joined: January 31 2004 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 9669	Posted: March 29 2006 at 08:50
	Moe: "Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I'm your host, Moe Syzlac, or as the ladies call me, 'hey you in de bushes dere!'" Moe cracks me up! Edited by Peter
	"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock? Come to my arms, my beamish boy! O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!' He chortled in his joy.

el böthy Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Prog Reviewer Joined: April 27 2005 Location: Argentina Status: Offline Points: 6336	Posted: March 29 2006 at 10:28
	Homer after seeing Barney´s movie... Barney´s voice in the movie - "Don´t cry for me, Im already dead..." Homer - "Wow...I will never have another beer in my life" Salesman- "Beer, get your..." Homer - "Give me 10!" Edited by el böthy
	"You want me to play what, Robert?"

Peace Frog Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Forum Senior Member Joined: October 17 2005 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 994	Posted: March 29 2006 at 15:35
	From Don't Fear The Roofer: Moe: Who wants ass frosting? Steven Hawking: No thanks, I'm on Atkins. Edited by Peace Frog


Syzygy Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Special Collaborator Honorary Collaborator Joined: December 16 2004 Location: United Kingdom Status: Offline Points: 7003	Posted: March 29 2006 at 16:06
	"Look Marge, I'm sorry I haven't been a better husband, I'm sorry about the time I tried to make gravy in the bathtub, I'm sorry I used your wedding dress to wax the car, and I'm sorry - well, let's just say I'm sorry for the whole marriage up to this point." (Marge on the Lam). Homer: "When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!" (There's no Disgrace Like Home).
	'Like so many of you I've got my doubts about how much to contribute to the already rich among us...' Robert Wyatt, Gloria Gloom

Rust Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Forum Senior Member Joined: October 14 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 1148	Posted: March 29 2006 at 18:42
	Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel. Homer: So I realized that being with my family is more important than being cool. Bart: Dad, what you just said was powerfully uncool. Homer: You know what the song says: "It's hip to be square." Lisa: That song is so lame. Homer: So lame that it's... cool? Bart and Lisa: No. Marge: Am I cool, kids? Bart and Lisa: No. Marge: Good. I'm glad. And that's what makes me cool—not caring, right? Bart and Lisa: No. Homer: Okay, once more. Where are we going? Edna: To Capital City. Homer: And why are you and the old lady in the car? Agnes: We're gonna talk Armin Tanzarian into coming back. Homer: And why is Marge here? Marge: I came up with the idea. Homer: And why am I here? Marge: Because the streets of Capital City are no place for three unescorted ladies. Homer: Why are the kids here? Marge: Because we couldn't find Grandpa to sit for them. Homer: Why is Grandpa here? Abe: Because Jasper didn't want to come by himself! Homer: Huh, fair enough.
	We got to pump the stuff to make us tough from the heart Its astart What we need is awareness we cant get careless Mental self defensive fitness Make everybody see in order to fight the powers that be

Gog/Magog Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Forum Senior Member Joined: October 03 2005 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 398	Posted: March 30 2006 at 10:22
	Homer getting angry with Lisa: "You know nothing know it all" I love the one-liners that nearly pass you by

Cygnus X-1 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Forum Senior Member Joined: July 06 2005 Location: United Kingdom Status: Offline Points: 653	Posted: March 30 2006 at 11:41
	Duff Man: "Duff man can't breathe, oh no ooohh" "Duff man is thrusting in the direction of the problem!" "This Reich is gonna last a 1000 beers!" Titanya: "Duff man you said if i slept with you i wouldn't have to toss the drunk!" Duff Man: "Duff man says a lota things! OOHHHH YEAH!"


Peace Frog Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Forum Senior Member Joined: October 17 2005 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 994	Posted: March 30 2006 at 15:33
	From How I Spent My Strummer Vacation Homer: I even took some pills I found on the floor but still nothing! Now I'm afraid that if I stop talking I'll die! Isn't Mick cool? I thought he'd be all like, "I'm a rock star, aren't I great?" But he's just like you or me or Jesus over there!!


Cygnus X-1 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Forum Senior Member Joined: July 06 2005 Location: United Kingdom Status: Offline Points: 653	Posted: March 30 2006 at 15:59
	Snake: "Wallet inspector." Geek: "Oh here you go, I'm sure everything's in order."


Zepology101 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Forum Senior Member Joined: March 21 2006 Location: Antarctica Status: Offline Points: 340	Posted: March 30 2006 at 16:18
	I don't remember the lines correctly, but here we go; Bart (calling Moe in the bar): hello, I'm looking for a, first name, Hugh, last name, Jazz? Moe: Hey! I'm looking for a hugh Jazz! Hugh Jazz! Do we have a Hugh Jazz in here? Hugh Jazz: My name is hugh jazz! (answers phone) Hello? Bart: Uh, sorry, but this was suppossed to be a prank call that sort of backfired on me... Hugh Jazz: oh, no problem. (hangs up) such a nice boy... It's not as funny unless you say the name Hugh Jazz out loud. It's suppossed to sound like huge a**.