"I despise your so-called taste"

http://www.chthonicionic.net/bile/default.asp

Has anyone seen this before?

It's pretty funny; just type in your favourite album/band/song/singer and a randomized response will be made to insult your music. The funny thing is it gathers information from your artist/album from Amazon.com to make it look like it knows what its talking about. Unfortunately, it tends to repeat itself a bit.

Here's some samples for some well known prog bands...

Yes, Fragile: Track 2, Cans And Brahms went down well with my neighbour's dogs. They howled for hours, handily drowning out most of the track, and prompting me to start searching for a dog of my own. Track 6, Long Distance Runaround is like a cheap keyboard being played by a God-fearing christian fund raiser outside Tesco's, and I'm being generous there. Once music was a simple thing. People played a jolly tune into a recording device, people played it and danced about a bit. Now we need professional psychiatric care for an audience assaulted by the likes of track 7, the 'Schindleria Praematurus' of The Fish on a regular basis.

King Crimson, In the Court of the Crimson King: I've heard better things than the opening track, the 'Including Mirrors' of 21st Century Schizoid Man at my son's playschool end of term concert in which every small child has been given something to make a noise with regardless of talent, motivation or the ability to count to four without drooling.

Genesis, The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway: On second listening the opening track, The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway starts sounding a little better, a bit more muffled and a little less like aural herpes. Or is that because I've strapped a twelve tog duvet around my head to block out the evil nastiness? You decide. The lyrics of track six, The Grand Parade Of Lifeless Packaging would make better sense written on a urinal wall - at least you could piss on them. Back In N.Y.C. isn't that bad. Ha ha. Got you. It's just a tiny bit worse than, say, the sound of a christmas novelty sing-along hit in Estonia.

Gentle Giant, The Power and the Glory: What possesses people to make music that sounds like So Sincere? The bastard lovechild of Joe Dolce and Mariah Carey? I'm not offering further opinion because I'm not listening to it again. Ever. Luckily a glitch on the CD caused Playing The Game to skip and refuse to play. Well, at least I hope that is what was happening - for all I know that was what Gentle Giant intended it to sound like. Track 5, Cogs In Cogs really should never be played in intelligent company if you want to retain your friends.

Lets see if anyone can get any really funny ones.

Re: Peter Gabriel ~

What do I think about Peter Gabriel's Peter Gabriel 1: Car? I don't think you are going to like this...

  Why I bothered with the rest of Moribund The Burgermeister after listening to the first three seconds of my father trying to fart through a tuba I don't know. Modern Love is so so. So, so, so f**king awful, that is. Too much Humdrum is bad for your health. I recommend taking up injecting heroin into your eyeballs instead. It tickles a bit, but the rush is awesome.

  The sound of what rancid butter smells like that track six, Slowburn so accurately reproduces is relieved only by the fact there are no pictures to go with it. On second listening Waiting For The Big One starts sounding a little better, a bit more muffled and a little less like the agonised screams that waft over the road from a Zimbabwe Police station 'interview'. Or is that because I've strapped a twelve tog duvet around my head to block out the evil nastiness? You decide.

  In fact, I despise every second of Peter Gabriel's creation.

LMAO!!!!

Seems dead-on to me:

What do I think about Mariah Carey by Mariah Carey? I'll tell you what I think...

  Vision Of Love could be mistaken for the little ticking noise that maggots make as they feed if you don't listen very carefully, and, believe me, you don't want to. Track four, Someday really should never be played in intelligent company if you want to retain your friends. Like the sickening crunch of fist into nose experienced nightly outside most nightclubs, track 5, Vanishing is a perversion that may actually appeal to a small group of sick f**ks hiding in a basement somewhere in Illinois.

  Track seven, Alone In Love sounds like my own personal hell from its start right through to its (bleated) finish. For f**k's sake, who decided that something not too dissimilar to an exploding zit gently squirting sebum into your brain should grace the world's musical heritage? Plonk Prisoner on your CD player and tell me Mariah Carey should be allowed to live. Go on. I dare you.

  In fact, there's no excuse for people buying this and taking it into their homes to tortute their innocent children.

What do I think about American Idiot by Green Day? I don't think you are going to like this...

 The sound of the last gasp of a boiling lobster that the opening track, American Idiot so accurately reproduces is relieved only by the fact there are no pictures to go with it. Like the theme to Friends, track two, Jesus of Suburbia fails to engage me at all. It left me cold, shaking and gently drooling on the floor. Thank god the office cleaner found me in time. Three people died whilst Tales Of Another Broken Home was being created. I can only say that they are the lucky ones and missed out on what sounds like a retarded cow defacating through a sieve into my ears.

  Are We Waiting sounds like a christmas novelty sing-along hit in Estonia. St. Jimmy is like nails being slowly drawn down a blackboard by the Marquis De Sade, and I'm being generous there. The sound of a dawn chorus of cats slowly being ground into mince for the cheap meat market is nothing compared to the dire Extraordinary Girl.

  In fact, I wish Green Day had never been born.

I agree 100%

What do I think about Marillion's Script for a Jester's Tear? I don't think you are going to like this...

You've probably guessed that I don't like Marillion very much. It's due to being assaulted by things like the crap usually hosted on geocities by colour blind web idiots, or track 5, Chelsea Monday as it is known on the back of CD. How many times does Marillion need to tell us all about their miserable f**king life? Forgotten Sons just reeks of teenage bedroom poetry and should have stayed there.

This one didn't quite work so well ...

"You like Jethro Tull? Oh dear. You're not going to like what I thought of Thick As a Brick...

  The sound of my mother trying to fart through a tuba that track 3, the 'Live At Madison Square Garden 1978' of Thick As A Brick so accurately reproduces is relieved only by the fact there are no pictures to go with it. Interview With Ian Anderson, Martin Barre & Jeffrey Hammond-Hammond sounds just like the sickening crunch you'd hear just after the guillotine blade has fallen and just before your head does the same and I can't believe it was supposed to. Call it an unfortunate accident or something.

  In fact, I wish Jethro Tull had never been born.

What do I think about Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd? I'll tell you what I think...

  The opening track, Speak To Me/Breathe is about as hip as my sister's attempts at the Lambada. It's a vision of hell that not many people live to see, I promise you. Money isn't that bad. Ha ha. Got you. It's just a tiny bit worse than, say, the sound of the sort of thing you'd play to a blind man to make them appreciate the lot of a deaf and blind man. Any Colour You Like is like the little pop and splash that comes before the scream after accidentally lodging a knitting needle in your eye, and I'm being generous there.

  Track eight, Brain Damage? No, no, no, no and no. Horrible. Like Monica Seles' serve grunts looped repeatedly over three hamsters attempting to play the drums.

  In fact, I'm scared Pink Floyd will reproduce and foist a new generation of crud on us.

Deep Purple? Oh my God. I thought Deep Purple's fans died out years ago. I remember Machine Head as being particularly awful...

  The opening track, Highway Star sounds like 'Grandma we love you'. Only my dentist's favourite drill bits being plunged into the living tooth-pulp over and over again while he hums bad gangster rap gently to himself could compare to Pictures Of Home. Ten people died whilst Never Before was being created. I can only say that they are the lucky ones and missed out on what sounds like a crow fellating an elephant.

  Smoke On The Water made my cat sick. Twice. I think I'm going to sue. The sound of something my cat brought in, but couldn't be bothered to kill that track six, Lazy so accurately reproduces is relieved only by the fact there are no pictures to go with it. Too much track thirteen, Pictures Of Home is bad for your health. I recommend taking up injecting heroin into your eyeballs instead. It tickles a bit, but the rush is awesome.

  In fact, I'm scared Deep Purple will reproduce and foist a new generation of crud on us.

LMAO

What do I think about Legacy by Shadow Gallery? I don't think you are going to like this...

  For f**k's sake, who decided that something not too dissimilar to my own personal hell should grace the world's musical heritage? Plonk Cliffhanger 2: A) Hang On/B) The Crusher on your CD player and tell me Shadow Gallery should be allowed to live. Go on. I dare you. I had to abandon listening to track 2, Destination Unknown after my nose and ears began to bleed. Like a late 80s mobile phone ring, track 4, Society Of The Mind is a perversion that may actually appeal to a small group of sick f**ks hiding in a basement somewhere in Illinois.

  Once music was a simple thing. People played a jolly tune into a recording device, people played it and danced about a bit. Now we need professional psychiatric care for an audience assaulted by the likes of track five, Legacy on a regular basis. Why I bothered with the rest of track 6, First Light after listening to the first thirteen seconds of the elephant man attempting to whistle the birdie song I don't know.

  In fact, a fruits of the forest yoghurt has more cultural significance.