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Logan View Drop Down
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    Posted: November 20 2024 at 00:48
Easy to find with google cache still or by checking in with us at the forum if he did not save it and really misses it. Although I expect that he would not be surprised to see it taken down and probably did not spend very long lovingly crafting that review to get just the right balance of righteously condescending indignation and outrageous hyperbole.

By the way, about my "And you must be stoned to like it" comment in case it was not clear to all, that was referencing the "...hoping that some stoner somewhere might find some kind of satisfaction or solace in its withering excuse for a musical performance. In fact you'd have to be half baked (or better still fully baked) to even begin to approach any kind of appreciation for this drivel but seeing as I've never been into that sh*t..." commentary.

I quite enjoyed it, quite funny in its way, and I have not been stoned since some kid I went to school with threw a rock at me (well, I guess I have been "beautiful" in the Hendrix sense many times since). Yes, I am experienced.

Edited by Logan - November 20 2024 at 00:53
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Atavachron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 19 2024 at 22:50
^ I find the ian j. ferris review much more compelling.   It tells a story and frankly is better-written.   

Ah well, here's hoping he saved it or realizes it's been posted here.   

"Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought."   -- John F. Kennedy
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote richardh Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 19 2024 at 22:13
Originally posted by Hrychu Hrychu wrote:

Originally posted by richardh richardh wrote:

I would like this to be removed please for what should be obvious reasons (the poor use of 'language' at least). I understand this guy wanted to rant but that's not a good reason for a review is it?



I actually enjoyed reading this rant-review hybrid. It is harsh but entertaining, mainly thanks to its very apparent, almost caricatural British-isms.

it sets such a low bar compared to the following review which is easily my favourite 'ranty' review of all time
https://www.progarchives.com/Review.asp?id=18889

Copy and pasted for posterity (please don't ever delete this review!)


EMERSON, LAKE & POWELL: EMERSON, LAKE & POWELL

Emerson Lake & Palmer

 

Symphonic Prog

3.13 | 564 ratings

From Progarchives.com, the ultimate progressive rock music website

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2 stars Dissapointing. Cozy Powell clearly needed money and Emmerson and Lake clearly needed to get an album out - maybe for contractual reasons. So whats wrong with it? The musicianship? No. Keith Emmerson is unlikely to play like a baboon! Cozy Powell drums like a gorilla banging a wheelybin with mallets as usual, but you have to expect that. Its the collage of crap ideas, and comical pomposity that makes this album almost unlisternable. 'The score' starts positive enough. It sounds exciting then all of a sudden Emmerson breaks into the most awful and innapropriate fake trumpet riff. It ceases to be 'rock music' at that point, IMO, at least until Greg Lake rescues the day with the first verse, about two days into the song. In all fairness 'The score' is probably the best tune on the album, followed by 'The Miracle' and 'Touch and go' the latter which was a single, which went rather unfairly, I felt, ignored by the British record buying public. Pompous though it was it was dead catchy!

The good news stops there. 'Learning how to fly' sounds like Dido at half speed. You can almost hear how bored Greg Lake is as he yawns his way through this mundane, characterless piece of muzak. The rest of the album is plain boring. Then you get 'Mars the bringer of War' Gustav Holst starts to breakdance in his grave as this ponderous trio tear his classic music to bits with synthetic pings, and fake orchestral boings! Then the crowing sh*t on the dung heap has to be 'Loco-motion' Yes, thats right it is THE 'Loco-motion' Done ELP style. Imagine it. Painful.

This is for ELP fans only, and I would imagine plenty of them must have felt somewhere between heartbroken and greatly amused at it.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Atavachron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 18 2024 at 23:19
I haven't been stoned in at least a year.
"Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought."   -- John F. Kennedy
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Logan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 18 2024 at 23:12
A crap is crap is a crap, and crap by any other name would smell as crappy.

While I do find it amusing, it's basically just a very long, steaming log saying "It's crap" multiple times. And you must be stoned to like it.

It's as vacuous as a hoover's rectum (much like ELP some might say). ;) I will save it here for posteriority-sake.

Originally posted by ianjferris@gmail.com [email protected] wrote:

As I type, I have this album playing right now. I bought it recently in a reputable record shop that also sells second hand used records. It wasn't too expensive. I've not heard it played before but I've always enjoyed TARKUS, since I was a young teenager in the early 1970's so I bought this and I've played it a couple of times now. What can I say? Well I suppose that the first thing that I can say is that as soon as I'm finished typing this review I'll be taking this record off the turntable for the last time. I can also say that when this was recorded in 1971 in Newcastle City Hall, I'm glad that I was elsewhere because Newcastle City Hall was obviously having a bad day at the office when ELP rocked up to perform this sewer material. This is greatest load of sh*te that ever was allowed to stray across the threshold of the City Hall in Newcastle (or any other performance venue, for that matter). Pure self indulgent unlistenable rubbish. I'll be moving this record on very soon, hoping that some stoner somewhere might find some kind of satisfaction or solace in its withering excuse for a musical performance. In fact you'd have to be half baked (or better still fully baked) to even begin to approach any kind of appreciation for this drivel but seeing as I've never been into that sh*t (see what i did there!), I've absolutely no desire to start now at my age. If it was at all possible to give no stars for this album, that would still be too much. So I'm constrained to allocate one star for as it states below, "Poor. Only for completionists". And I must say, I do have lots of sympathy for said "completionists".
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Atavachron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 18 2024 at 22:58
^ I agree, it is a tour-de-force of disappointment, and should remain in all it's hideous grandeur.

"Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought."   -- John F. Kennedy
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hrychu Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 18 2024 at 21:07
Originally posted by richardh richardh wrote:

I would like this to be removed please for what should be obvious reasons (the poor use of 'language' at least). I understand this guy wanted to rant but that's not a good reason for a review is it?



I actually enjoyed reading this rant-review hybrid. It is harsh but entertaining, mainly thanks to its very apparent, almost caricatural British-isms.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote richardh Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 18 2024 at 20:54
I would like this to be removed please for what should be obvious reasons (the poor use of 'language' at least). I understand this guy wanted to rant but that's not a good reason for a review is it?


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Cristi Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 31 2024 at 02:46
Originally posted by Hrychu Hrychu wrote:

This is weird. There is a big plain visible FORUM button on the top. I think the forum is even easier to access than the review writing section. And the thing is, if you can post a review, that means your account is also eligible to post on the forums. xD I mean, it only takes a few minutes to read the rules right next to the review input field. 🤣

It's incompetent and careless. 
This user could not care less how and where to post the track list.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hrychu Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 30 2024 at 18:17
This is weird. There is a big plain visible FORUM button on the top. I think the forum is even easier to access than the review writing section. And the thing is, if you can post a review, that means your account is also eligible to post on the forums. xD I mean, it only takes a few minutes to read the rules right next to the review input field. 🤣
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Logan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 30 2024 at 17:37
It was done like that because the album was missing the info. Obviously not the right way, but it says on the album page

Quote 3 stars Songs / Tracks Listing

01 Suite, part I 11:42

02 Suite, part II 06:42

03 Suite, part III 05:22

04 Suite, part IV (Vahan Artsruni & Anna Mailian) 08:20

05 Suite, part V 03:57

06 Suite, part VI 06:31

07 Ethnophonica 04:14


as it says on the album page https://www.progarchives.com/album.asp?id=33893, please add.
Songs / Tracks Listing


(please add)

Line-up / Musicians


Vahan Artrsruni
(please add)
Releases information

Producer-Naregatsi Art Institute in 2002

Most registered users cannot add directly to the pages of course. I will remove the non-review and would add that to the album details but maybe E&O will see this and want to do it properly.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Cristi Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 30 2024 at 13:05
Originally posted by Lewian Lewian wrote:

Originally posted by Cristi Cristi wrote:

Originally posted by Hrychu Hrychu wrote:

http://www.progarchives.com/Review.asp?id=3111423

wtf?! Confused
Probably the user just used this somewhat mistaken way to communicate missing album information.

somewhat?! 

New users used to explore the site, learn how to post, quote, edit, post photos, videos, links and so on. 
Not anymore it seems... Ouch


Edited by Cristi - October 30 2024 at 13:09
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Lewian Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 30 2024 at 13:00
Originally posted by Cristi Cristi wrote:

Originally posted by Hrychu Hrychu wrote:

http://www.progarchives.com/Review.asp?id=3111423

wtf?! Confused
Probably the user just used this somewhat mistaken way to communicate missing album information.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Cristi Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 30 2024 at 12:47
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Hrychu Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 30 2024 at 12:36
“On the day of my creation, I fell in love with education. And overcoming all frustration, a teacher I became.”
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Logan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 08 2024 at 15:04
We do expect better of reviews these days than the almost 20 years old hdfisch example. I look at those old reviews as something of snapshot of a different time and place for this site, and would be lenient with early "reviews" generally as the expectations and standards became more codified later (I would not consider that "review" to be abuse). At least it led to a much better-written "review".
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Lewian Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 08 2024 at 10:57
Originally posted by Hrychu Hrychu wrote:

Quote criticizing PA's criteria is not a crime.
I didn't say it was. I am aware that the review is old and it got grandfathered in, but still a shіtty review is a shіtty review.
This inspired me to give that album a somewhat more positive review. The band has some really bad albums later in the eighties, but this is not one of them.


Edited by Lewian - October 08 2024 at 10:57
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hrychu Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 08 2024 at 04:17
Quote criticizing PA's criteria is not a crime.
I didn't say it was. I am aware that the review is old and it got grandfathered in, but still a shіtty review is a shіtty review.
“On the day of my creation, I fell in love with education. And overcoming all frustration, a teacher I became.”
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Atavachron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 07 2024 at 22:32
^ It's a poor review, but criticizing PA's criteria is not a crime.
"Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought."   -- John F. Kennedy
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hrychu Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 07 2024 at 05:51
An infantile rant badly disguised as a review I'd say.
https://www.progarchives.com/review.asp?id=29067
Quote Well,as far as I know from this band it was the most popular band in east germany and actually it's existing now since 40 years. I heard its name before some time, but it's the first time I listen to some of their music. Actually I can't understand why they are listen here under SYMPHONIC PROGRESSIVE ROCK.This kind of music does not have anything to do with this sub-genre. It's nothing else than pop music. There are some trials to make classical music more popular like Vivaldi's Der Frühling",but sorry you can't call something like this SYMPHONIC nor PROGRESSIVE. It's cheap synth music as every one-man-band does at any wedding or birthday party.Maximum 1 star sorry!!!!
I mean, to be frank, the «“"""⹂review„"""”» (though calling it such is giving it way too much credit) criticizes Progarchives' criteria for inclusion in much greater detail than the music itself. xD

Edited by Hrychu - October 07 2024 at 06:01
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