The M00dy N00bs

The Laws of Weirdness

1.      Weirdness can only be comprehended by organisms with the mental ability greater than or equal to the slightly less than average human.

2.      Weirdness is entirely based upon the perception of the above organisms.

3.      Weirdness is relative. As the weirdest entity gets weirder, less weird entities decrease in weirdness.

The Noobs Formula

Our research has led to the development of what can be known as the Noobs Formula.  It models the change in the Moody Noobs’ weirdness.  The formula has five components, though two have been proven to be non-factors.  The Noobs Formula:

DW_moodynoobs = DW_univ - DW_people - DW_god - DW_kurtvonn

This equation reads as the amount of change in the weirdness of The Moody Noobs is equal to the amount of change in the weirdness of the universe minus the amount of change in the weirdness of people minus the amount of change in the weirdness of God minus the amount of change in weirdness of Kurt Vonnegut.

DW_god is one of the two insignificant factors in the formula.  The idea of God has been thoroughly explored by many philosophers and has existed for long enough time that the whole notion of God is commonplace, the exact opposite of weird.  Since these same philosophers have also shown that God is unchanging, God’s weirdness can neither move up nor down.

DW_kurtvonn is the other non-factor, and was included simply because of speculation that he is in reality a Martian.  However, being a celebrity figure, his weirdness is defined by what he does for a living, which for him is writing.  As he no longer writes, he no longer gains in weirdness, and does not decrease in weirdness either.

Removal of these two factors narrows the equation down to three components:

ΔW_moodynoobs = DW_univ - DW_people

This rather simpler equation allows the sign (+/-/=) of ΔW_moodynoobs.  Each day, astronomers and physicists discover new phenomena about the universe that are very weird indeed, making it clear that DW_univ is positive.  Although these phenomena existed before, they do not affect weirdness until they are discovered by beings with weirdness processing capabilities.

The final factor of the equation, DW_people, is the hardest to determine.  Individual people are by themselves incapable of changing much on any given day, although seven billion people all gaining or losing on one day would have a noticeable impact on W_people.  However, the odds of this happening are 1:2^6999999999.  What is more likely is that DW_people will be a number relatively close to zero, with approximately half of the people gaining in weirdness and approximately half decreasing in weirdness.

Now the laws of weirdness can be applied.  The universe is increasing in weirdness on a relatively linear rate.  Increase in weirdness of the universe has been studied, and regression lines on the data for a one-year period yielded best results for a linear regression.  Referring back to the third weirdness law, this means that each individual person will decrease in weirdness each day.

This means that ΔW_moodynoobs equals a positive minus a negative, yielding a positive greater than the original positive.  Therefore, our weirdness increases at a faster rate than that of the universe.

Ramifications of the Noobs Formula

There are three possible outcomes of our gaining in weirdness at a faster rate than the universe.  Only one will generate work, and therefore revenue, for me, so we will discard the other two.  The remaining theory states that we will eventually become weirder than the universe itself.  At this point, the universe will become defunct, and be replaced by a giant me.

A survey has backed the validity of our formula.

While this would suggest that we am already the universe, that is clearly not the case.  Rather, as one person who was polled put it (after the 2006 poll), “Yeah, but the universe is way bigger than you, so it’s really like seven trillion.”  The obvious scientific merit of this statement shows that we still have a long way to go, though we are gaining quickly on the universe.

Hence the Noobs Formula states that we will eventually become the universe.