Forum Home Forum Home > Topics not related to music > General discussions
  New Posts New Posts RSS Feed - Why guitars are better than Women
  FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Events   Register Register  Login Login

Topic ClosedWhy guitars are better than Women
 Post Reply Post Reply Page  <123>
Author
Message
  Topic Search Topic Search  Topic Options Topic Options
Rooibos View Drop Down
Forum Groupie
Forum Groupie


Joined: October 10 2004
Location: Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 50 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 16 2004 at 16:29

This is the only Peruvian joke I could find on the web.............there is nothing like a good Peruvian joke and this is nothing like a good Peruvian joke.....

A Peruvian military jet on anti-drug patrol recently shot down a Cessna seaplane carrying American missionaries.

Asked to justify the shootdown, a senior military officer responded that the Cessna had been carrying "the opiate of the masses."

Laugh...I almost did.
All The World's A Stage
Back to Top
Ivan_Melgar_M View Drop Down
Special Collaborator
Special Collaborator

Honorary Collaborator

Joined: April 27 2004
Location: Peru
Status: Offline
Points: 19535 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 16 2004 at 17:33

Would be hilarious if it wasn't true, during Fujimori's (the fugitive criminal Japanese President of Perú protected in Tokyo by his real nation) Government a Cessna full with missionaries to the jungle was shot.

But no way about the opium of the people, Perú is a Catholic and liberal country (Liberal because every President is free to steal the money of the people).

Iván
Back to Top
threefates View Drop Down
Forum Senior Member
Forum Senior Member


Joined: June 30 2004
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 4215 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 16 2004 at 20:53
Originally posted by ivan_2068 ivan_2068 wrote:

You can make fun of lawyers Threefates, I usually enjoy all the jokes, specially when I know more of my friends who are ambulance chasers.

You know how to save a drowning lawyer?....Take your foot off his head

What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? ...
A good start!

What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell?.. No changes occur.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?... You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

What's the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?...Jewelry

How can you tell a lawyer is lying?....Other lawyers look interested.

THIS IS ELP
Back to Top
Ivan_Melgar_M View Drop Down
Special Collaborator
Special Collaborator

Honorary Collaborator

Joined: April 27 2004
Location: Peru
Status: Offline
Points: 19535 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 16 2004 at 21:30

The Pope, Santa Claus and an honest lawyer are playing poker in a train, suddenly the traoin enters a tunnel, the light goes off and when they get outside the tunnel the money is gone.

Who stole the money?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Pope of course, Santa Claus and the honest lawyer are ficcional characters.

Iván
Back to Top
penguindf12 View Drop Down
Prog Reviewer
Prog Reviewer
Avatar

Joined: September 20 2004
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 831 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 17 2004 at 00:37

Why did the lawyer cross the road?

 

 

 

 

 

 

A: I have no idea. I don't butt into other people's business.
Back to Top
emdiar View Drop Down
Forum Senior Member
Forum Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: June 05 2004
Location: Netherlands
Status: Offline
Points: 890 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 17 2004 at 03:46

I hear behavioral scientists are planning to use lawers instead of lab-rats. This has two advantages;

1. No one cares how cruel you are to a lawer.

2. There are some things not even rats are prepared to do!
Perception is truth, ergo opinion is fact.
Back to Top
Certif1ed View Drop Down
Special Collaborator
Special Collaborator
Avatar
Honorary Collaborator

Joined: April 08 2004
Location: England
Status: Offline
Points: 7559 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 17 2004 at 14:42

A drummer goes into a shop and says "I'd like to buy a guitar please - a Fender Stratocaster".

The man in the shop says "You're a drummer, aren't you?"

The drummer looked impressed and said "How did you know?"

The shop man said "That's easy, sir, this is a Fish and chip shop."
Back to Top
Reed Lover View Drop Down
Forum Senior Member
Forum Senior Member


Joined: July 16 2004
Location: Sao Tome and Pr
Status: Offline
Points: 5187 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 17 2004 at 14:48

My favourite joke of the moment............no,not youCensored!Wink

A 13 year-old boy comes home from school and his mom asks how his day was. He replies, "I had sex with my teacher today."
"Oh my god! You get to your room! Wait till your father comes home!!!", says the mom.
A while later the father comes home and the mom says, "Go up to your son's room and talk to him. He's been really bad today."
Dad goes up to the son's room and asks why mom is so mad. "I told her I had sex with my teacher today," replied the boy.
"Alright! That's my boy!", says dad. "Ya know son, women just don't think like men. But I'm proud of you. What are you now, about thirteen, right? Wow. That's my son! Ya know what? I'm so proud of you I'm gonna take you out and buy you that new shiny bike you've been wanting!"
So the dad and his son go out and buy the nicest, reddest, shiniest bike in the whole town. "You gonna ride it home son?" asks dad.
The boy replied, "Nah, my ass is still sore." LOL



Edited by Reed Lover



Back to Top
gdub411 View Drop Down
Forum Senior Member
Forum Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: August 24 2004
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 3484 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 17 2004 at 15:19
Originally posted by Reed Lover Reed Lover wrote:

My favourite joke of the moment............no,not youCensored!Wink

A 13 year-old boy comes home from school and his mom asks how his day was. He replies, "I had sex with my teacher today."
"Oh my god! You get to your room! Wait till your father comes home!!!", says the mom.
A while later the father comes home and the mom says, "Go up to your son's room and talk to him. He's been really bad today."
Dad goes up to the son's room and asks why mom is so mad. "I told her I had sex with my teacher today," replied the boy.
"Alright! That's my boy!", says dad. "Ya know son, women just don't think like men. But I'm proud of you. What are you now, about thirteen, right? Wow. That's my son! Ya know what? I'm so proud of you I'm gonna take you out and buy you that new shiny bike you've been wanting!"
So the dad and his son go out and buy the nicest, reddest, shiniest bike in the whole town. "You gonna ride it home son?" asks dad.
The boy replied, "Nah, my ass is still sore." LOL

Now that's my boy
Back to Top
Reed Lover View Drop Down
Forum Senior Member
Forum Senior Member


Joined: July 16 2004
Location: Sao Tome and Pr
Status: Offline
Points: 5187 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 17 2004 at 15:30

Bet you're thinking....

how the hell did you know that Tony?Pinch

It wasn't supposed to be biographical! LOL



Back to Top
gdub411 View Drop Down
Forum Senior Member
Forum Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: August 24 2004
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 3484 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 17 2004 at 15:42

......just slip the big round  hard thing into the emoticon's mouth..'

Hey I'm talking a tootsie pop...what were you thinking you naughty boy?
Back to Top
Reed Lover View Drop Down
Forum Senior Member
Forum Senior Member


Joined: July 16 2004
Location: Sao Tome and Pr
Status: Offline
Points: 5187 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 17 2004 at 15:50

I'm thinking your new Avatar looks gay!!!Smile

Why not try this one instead:

Me lose brain? Uh, oh! Ha ha ha! Why I laugh?



Back to Top
gdub411 View Drop Down
Forum Senior Member
Forum Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: August 24 2004
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 3484 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 17 2004 at 16:05
I'm not into leather. Although there is a leather bar we could go to if you ever make it out to Chicago called The Manhole
Back to Top
Reed Lover View Drop Down
Forum Senior Member
Forum Senior Member


Joined: July 16 2004
Location: Sao Tome and Pr
Status: Offline
Points: 5187 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 17 2004 at 16:07
CensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredPinchCensoredCensoredCensored



Back to Top
threefates View Drop Down
Forum Senior Member
Forum Senior Member


Joined: June 30 2004
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 4215 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 17 2004 at 21:12
Yep Tony... I got a feeling you'd fit right in, in a leather bar....
THIS IS ELP
Back to Top
Dan Bobrowski View Drop Down
Special Collaborator
Special Collaborator

Honorary Collaborator

Joined: February 02 2004
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 5243 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 17 2004 at 21:17

I'm scared that he found that picture.... ewww. Freddie dead, right?

 

Why don't sharks eat lawyers?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Professional Courtesy.

Back to Top
Jim Garten View Drop Down
Special Collaborator
Special Collaborator
Avatar
Retired Admin & Razor Guru

Joined: February 02 2004
Location: South England
Status: Offline
Points: 14693 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 19 2004 at 07:23
A male and a female lawyer jump off the Empire State Building - who hits the ground first?


































Who cares?

Jon Lord 1941 - 2012
Back to Top
Utah Man View Drop Down
Forum Senior Member
Forum Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: November 14 2007
Location: Utah
Status: Offline
Points: 1014 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 05 2008 at 20:42
Originally posted by Dan Bobrowski Dan Bobrowski wrote:

WHY GUITARS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN

  • Guitars don't get pregnant.
  • You can play your Guitar any time of the month.
  • Guitars don't have parents.
  • Guitars don't whine... unless you want them to.
  • You can share your Guitar with your friends.
  • Guitars don't care how many other Guitars you've played
  • Guitars don't care how many other Guitars you have.
  • Guitars don't care if you look at other Guitars.
  • Guitars don't care if you buy Guitar magazines.
  • You'll never hear, "Surprise, you are going to proud father of a new Guitar" unless you go out to buy one yourself.
  • If your Guitar is flat you can fix it.
  • Your Guitar doesn't care if you never listen to it.
  • Your Guitar won't care if you leave up the toilet seat.
  • You don't have to be jealous of the guy who works on your Guitar.
  • If you say bad things to your Guitar, you don't have to apologize before you play it again.
  • You can play your Guitar as long as you want and it won't get sore.
  • You can stop playing your Guitar as soon as you want and it won't get frustrated.
  • Your parents won't remain in touch with your old Guitar after you dump it.
  • Guitars don't get headaches.
  • Guitars don't insult you if you're a bad player.
  • Your Guitar never wants a night out with the other Guitars.
  • Guitars don't care if you're late.
  • You don't have to take a shower before you play your Guitar.
  • If your Guitar doesn't look good you can refinish it or get new parts.
  • You can play your Guitar the first time you meet it, without having to take it to dinner, see a movie, or meet its mother.
  • The only protection you have to wear when playing your Guitar is a decent thumb pick.
  • When in mixed company, you can talk about what a great time you had the last time you played your Guitar.

and last, but not least:

  • If you decide to part with an old Guitar, you don't have to give up half of everything you own.


One more item...They are, in the long run, less expensive


.
Back to Top
Neil View Drop Down
Forum Senior Member
Forum Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: October 04 2006
Location: United Kingdom
Status: Offline
Points: 1497 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 06 2008 at 03:54
What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
You only have to punch the rythym into the drum machine once!Wink
When people get lost in thought it's often because it's unfamiliar territory.
Back to Top
Neil View Drop Down
Forum Senior Member
Forum Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: October 04 2006
Location: United Kingdom
Status: Offline
Points: 1497 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 06 2008 at 03:57
Originally posted by Ivan_Melgar_M Ivan_Melgar_M wrote:

Would be hilarious if it wasn't  Per� is a Catholic and liberal country

 
Catholic and Liberal?  Surely that's an oxy-moron?
When people get lost in thought it's often because it's unfamiliar territory.
Back to Top
 Post Reply Post Reply Page  <123>

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down



This page was generated in 0.137 seconds.
Donate monthly and keep PA fast-loading and ad-free forever.