WHY GUITARS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN

You are trying too hard to be "passive."

These lame jokes do not become you.

Dont be browbeaten into towing the line.You are entitled to say what you think when you want.

Nuff said.

Didn't you just post something in the "bashing" thread about "not bashing"?

(i smell a hypocryte...)

I'm not personally offended by your stuff (some of its kinda funny) but ooooooooooooooooooooooh  wait until threefates finds this....

It's not MINE, I borrowed it for humor purposes only. I think 3F8's will find it humorous and will probably post the opposing view. Shrinking Violet and Belljar would also make light of it.

Bashing is attacking or trying to be hurtful. If you are offended or consider the list harmful, I'll pull it.  

This isn't women bashing Penguin. I am sure Threefates would not be offended at this.  We are becoming too politically correct around here because we're afraid to step on the toes of a few over sensitive indivisuals.

Please..everyone just relax and have fun with it.

ahh... whats a little fun.. right Danbo:

• Why are vibrators better than men?
  Because they never screw other women, never come in drunk, and you don't have to do their laundry!
• Why do men die before their wives?
  They should.
• What is the difference between men and women?
  A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need........
  A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need
• How does a man keep his youth?
  By giving them money, furs and diamonds.
• Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?
  A mental hospital.
• What's the most common cause of hearing loss amongst men?
  Wife saying she wants to talk to him.
• How are men and batteries different?
  Batteries have a positive side.
• Why is virginity like a balloon?
  All it takes is one small prick and it's gone
• How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  No one knows, the ex-wife always gets the house.
• Why is urine yellow and sperm white?
  So men can tell if they are coming or going.
• How do you confuse a man?
  You don't have to - they're born that way
• Why don't women like basketball players as lovers?
  Because they dribble before they shoot.
• What are the three types of men?
  The handsome, the caring and the majority
• What's the nicest thing about a nudist wedding?
  You don't have to ask - you can see who the best man is.
• How can you tell if your husband's dead?
  Sex is the same but you get the remote.
• How do we know men invented maps?
  Who else would make an inch into a mile?

OH! I am Sooooooo offended. Threefates..you owe me an apology right now. Okay there toots ............................................................ ...........................................

............................................................ ........................................... .........

............................................................ ........................................... ........

still waiting

hey guys...did you like the way I subtlely slipped in toots

So Greg... can you guess which one of those was my favorite.....

threefates wrote: So Greg... can you guess which one of those was my favorite.....

Thats my guess

Nah... I'm hardly the committment type myself...

My favorite...

Hey guys/girls, some of you don't have sense of humor, I'm used to receive this kind of jokes about men, women, blond girls, etc but in my case it's worst because I'm an easy target.

I'm a lawyer (Must have received 1,000 lawyers jokes, some very insulting) and to make it even more dramatic, I'm a drummer (another 1,000 jokes), so I learned to laugh at the funny ones, and don'y care about the rest.

And as an extra bonus, there's a city in every country that all the rest of the nation laughs about, in the case of Perú it's Arequipa, my father  is from that city and my last name is a symbol of that city,in this case the jokes are really offensive, once a self proclaimed funny guy in a party (who knew my family is from there) told one that said How much time does it takes to the women of Arequipa to throw the trash, the answer is of course 9 months, this is the only time I almost killed the "funny" guy.

But normally I don't care. So laugh if you find the jokes funny, Danbo is only adding a bit of humor.

Iván

Do you hear that guys...we have Ivan's approval to laugh....whew...I was worried too!!

j/k Ivan

Hey Ivan,

How about sharing some of the lawyer and drummer jokes with us!

You can make fun of lawyers Threefates, I usually enjoy all the jokes, specially when I know more of my friends who are ambulance chasers.

Love your sarcasm Gdub

Iván

Drummers:

"Hey buddy, how late does the band play?" ....."Oh, about a half beat behind the drummer."

Q: Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?........A: Because it can keep a steady beat and won't sleep with your girlfriend.

Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?.......A: Five: one to screw in the light bulb and four to talk about how much better Neil Peart would have done it!

Q: Why do drummers have one more brain cell than a horse?....A: So that when marching in a parade, they can avoid the sh*t on the road.

Q: How can you make a drummer slow down?....A: Put a sheet of music in front of him

Q #2: How can you make that drummer stop?.......A: Put notes on it!

Q: How would you describe a drummer.....A: A guy who drinks with musicians.

Q: Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?.....A: So they can park in the handicapped spot.

Q: What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?....A: Homeless

Q: What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?......A: "Hey, guys - why don't we try one of my songs? ..."

Q: What did the professional drummer say when he got to his job?....A: "Would you like fries with that?"

Iván

Superb Ivan, ,

Keep 'em coming!

This is the only Peruvian joke I could find on the web.............there is nothing like a good Peruvian joke and this is nothing like a good Peruvian joke.....

A Peruvian military jet on anti-drug patrol recently shot down a Cessna seaplane carrying American missionaries.

Asked to justify the shootdown, a senior military officer responded that the Cessna had been carrying "the opiate of the masses."

Laugh...I almost did.

Would be hilarious if it wasn't true, during Fujimori's (the fugitive criminal Japanese President of Perú protected in Tokyo by his real nation) Government a Cessna full with missionaries to the jungle was shot.

But no way about the opium of the people, Perú is a Catholic and liberal country (Liberal because every President is free to steal the money of the people).

Iván

ivan_2068 wrote: You can make fun of lawyers Threefates, I usually enjoy all the jokes, specially when I know more of my friends who are ambulance chasers.

You know how to save a drowning lawyer?....Take your foot off his head

What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? ...
A good start!

What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell?.. No changes occur.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?... You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

What's the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?...Jewelry

How can you tell a lawyer is lying?....Other lawyers look interested.

The Pope, Santa Claus and an honest lawyer are playing poker in a train, suddenly the traoin enters a tunnel, the light goes off and when they get outside the tunnel the money is gone.

Who stole the money?

The Pope of course, Santa Claus and the honest lawyer are ficcional characters.

Iván

Why did the lawyer cross the road?

A: I have no idea. I don't butt into other people's business.

I hear behavioral scientists are planning to use lawers instead of lab-rats. This has two advantages;

1. No one cares how cruel you are to a lawer.

2. There are some things not even rats are prepared to do!

A drummer goes into a shop and says "I'd like to buy a guitar please - a Fender Stratocaster".

The man in the shop says "You're a drummer, aren't you?"

The drummer looked impressed and said "How did you know?"

The shop man said "That's easy, sir, this is a Fish and chip shop."

My favourite joke of the moment............no,not you!

A 13 year-old boy comes home from school and his mom asks how his day was. He replies, "I had sex with my teacher today."
"Oh my god! You get to your room! Wait till your father comes home!!!", says the mom.
A while later the father comes home and the mom says, "Go up to your son's room and talk to him. He's been really bad today."
Dad goes up to the son's room and asks why mom is so mad. "I told her I had sex with my teacher today," replied the boy.
"Alright! That's my boy!", says dad. "Ya know son, women just don't think like men. But I'm proud of you. What are you now, about thirteen, right? Wow. That's my son! Ya know what? I'm so proud of you I'm gonna take you out and buy you that new shiny bike you've been wanting!"
So the dad and his son go out and buy the nicest, reddest, shiniest bike in the whole town. "You gonna ride it home son?" asks dad.
The boy replied, "Nah, my ass is still sore."

Reed Lover wrote: My favourite joke of the moment............no,not you! A 13 year-old boy comes home from school and his mom asks how his day was. He replies, "I had sex with my teacher today." "Oh my god! You get to your room! Wait till your father comes home!!!", says the mom. A while later the father comes home and the mom says, "Go up to your son's room and talk to him. He's been really bad today." Dad goes up to the son's room and asks why mom is so mad. "I told her I had sex with my teacher today," replied the boy. "Alright! That's my boy!", says dad. "Ya know son, women just don't think like men. But I'm proud of you. What are you now, about thirteen, right? Wow. That's my son! Ya know what? I'm so proud of you I'm gonna take you out and buy you that new shiny bike you've been wanting!" So the dad and his son go out and buy the nicest, reddest, shiniest bike in the whole town. "You gonna ride it home son?" asks dad. The boy replied, "Nah, my ass is still sore."

Now that's my boy

Bet you're thinking....

how the hell did you know that Tony?

It wasn't supposed to be biographical!

......just slip the big round  hard thing into the emoticon's mouth..'

Hey I'm talking a tootsie pop...what were you thinking you naughty boy?

I'm thinking your new Avatar looks gay!!!

Why not try this one instead:

Me lose brain? Uh, oh! Ha ha ha! Why I laugh?

I'm scared that he found that picture.... ewww. Freddie dead, right?

Why don't sharks eat lawyers?

Professional Courtesy.

I love guitar playing and guitar music, and live for it as well, nice thread