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Dan Bobrowski View Drop Down
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Points: 5243 		Direct Link To This Post Topic: Why guitars are better than Women
    Posted: October 15 2004 at 18:27

WHY GUITARS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN

  • Guitars don't get pregnant.
  • You can play your Guitar any time of the month.
  • Guitars don't have parents.
  • Guitars don't whine... unless you want them to.
  • You can share your Guitar with your friends.
  • Guitars don't care how many other Guitars you've played
  • Guitars don't care how many other Guitars you have.
  • Guitars don't care if you look at other Guitars.
  • Guitars don't care if you buy Guitar magazines.
  • You'll never hear, "Surprise, you are going to proud father of a new Guitar" unless you go out to buy one yourself.
  • If your Guitar is flat you can fix it.
  • Your Guitar doesn't care if you never listen to it.
  • Your Guitar won't care if you leave up the toilet seat.
  • You don't have to be jealous of the guy who works on your Guitar.
  • If you say bad things to your Guitar, you don't have to apologize before you play it again.
  • You can play your Guitar as long as you want and it won't get sore.
  • You can stop playing your Guitar as soon as you want and it won't get frustrated.
  • Your parents won't remain in touch with your old Guitar after you dump it.
  • Guitars don't get headaches.
  • Guitars don't insult you if you're a bad player.
  • Your Guitar never wants a night out with the other Guitars.
  • Guitars don't care if you're late.
  • You don't have to take a shower before you play your Guitar.
  • If your Guitar doesn't look good you can refinish it or get new parts.
  • You can play your Guitar the first time you meet it, without having to take it to dinner, see a movie, or meet its mother.
  • The only protection you have to wear when playing your Guitar is a decent thumb pick.
  • When in mixed company, you can talk about what a great time you had the last time you played your Guitar.

and last, but not least:

  • If you decide to part with an old Guitar, you don't have to give up half of everything you own.
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Rooibos View Drop Down
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Points: 50 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 15 2004 at 18:39

You are trying too hard to be "passive."

These lame jokes do not become you.

Dont be browbeaten into towing the line.You are entitled to say what you think when you want.

Nuff said.
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penguindf12 View Drop Down
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Points: 831 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 15 2004 at 18:58

Didn't you just post something in the "bashing" thread about "not bashing"?

(i smell a hypocryte...)

I'm not personally offended by your stuff (some of its kinda funny) but ooooooooooooooooooooooh  wait until threefates finds this....
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Dan Bobrowski View Drop Down
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Points: 5243 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 15 2004 at 19:14

It's not MINE, I borrowed it for humor purposes only. I think 3F8's will find it humorous and will probably post the opposing view. Shrinking Violet and Belljar would also make light of it.

Bashing is attacking or trying to be hurtful. If you are offended or consider the list harmful, I'll pull it.  

 
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penguindf12 View Drop Down
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Points: 831 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 15 2004 at 19:24
Ya: I'm joost y'know, poonting oot uzzers may nawt tayk it az weel
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Carl floyd fan View Drop Down
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Points: 176 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 15 2004 at 20:06
calm down and laugh, don't take it seriously, okay?  just chiiiiill.  haha.
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gdub411 View Drop Down
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Points: 3484 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 15 2004 at 20:35

This isn't women bashing Penguin. I am sure Threefates would not be offended at this.  We are becoming too politically correct around here because we're afraid to step on the toes of a few over sensitive indivisuals.

Please..everyone just relax and have fun with it.
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Points: 4215 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 15 2004 at 20:38

ahh... whats a little fun.. right Danbo:

  • Why are vibrators better than men?
    Because they never screw other women, never come in drunk, and you don't have to do their laundry!
  • Why do men die before their wives?
    They should.
  • What is the difference between men and women?
    A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need........
    A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need
  • How does a man keep his youth?
    By giving them money, furs and diamonds.
  • Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?
    A mental hospital.
  • What's the most common cause of hearing loss amongst men?
    Wife saying she wants to talk to him.
  • How are men and batteries different?
    Batteries have a positive side.
  • Why is virginity like a balloon?
    All it takes is one small prick and it's gone
  • How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    No one knows, the ex-wife always gets the house.
  • Why is urine yellow and sperm white?
    So men can tell if they are coming or going.
  • How do you confuse a man?
    You don't have to - they're born that way
  • Why don't women like basketball players as lovers?
    Because they dribble before they shoot.
  • What are the three types of men?
    The handsome, the caring and the majority
  • What's the nicest thing about a nudist wedding?
    You don't have to ask - you can see who the best man is.
  • How can you tell if your husband's dead?
    Sex is the same but you get the remote.
  • How do we know men invented maps?
    Who else would make an inch into a mile?



Edited by threefates
THIS IS ELP
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gdub411 View Drop Down
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Points: 3484 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 15 2004 at 20:49

OH! I am Sooooooo offended. Threefates..you owe me an apology right now. Okay there toots ............................................................ ...........................................

............................................................ ........................................... .........

............................................................ ........................................... ........

still waiting

hey guys...did you like the way I subtlely slipped in toots
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Points: 4215 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 15 2004 at 21:23

So Greg... can you guess which one of those was my favorite.....
THIS IS ELP
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gdub411 View Drop Down
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Points: 3484 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 15 2004 at 21:34
Originally posted by threefates threefates wrote:

So Greg... can you guess which one of those was my favorite.....

  • Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?
    A mental hospital.

    •  

    Thats my guess
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    threefates View Drop Down
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    Points: 4215     		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 15 2004 at 23:12

    Nah... I'm hardly the committment type myself...

    My favorite...

  • Why is urine yellow and sperm white?
    So men can tell if they are coming or going.
    • THIS IS ELP
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    gdub411 View Drop Down
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    Points: 3484     		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 15 2004 at 23:14
    That was my 2nd guess
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    Ivan_Melgar_M View Drop Down
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    Points: 19557     		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 16 2004 at 00:26

    Hey guys/girls, some of you don't have sense of humor, I'm used to receive this kind of jokes about men, women, blond girls, etc but in my case it's worst because I'm an easy target.

    I'm a lawyer (Must have received 1,000 lawyers jokes, some very insulting) and to make it even more dramatic, I'm a drummer (another 1,000 jokes), so I learned to laugh at the funny ones, and don'y care about the rest.

    And as an extra bonus, there's a city in every country that all the rest of the nation laughs about, in the case of Perú it's Arequipa, my father  is from that city and my last name is a symbol of that city,in this case the jokes are really offensive, once a self proclaimed funny guy in a party (who knew my family is from there) told one that said How much time does it takes to the women of Arequipa to throw the trash, the answer is of course 9 months, this is the only time I almost killed the "funny" guy.

    But normally I don't care. So laugh if you find the jokes funny, Danbo is only adding a bit of humor.

    Iván
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    gdub411 View Drop Down
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    Points: 3484     		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 16 2004 at 09:31

    Do you hear that guys...we have Ivan's approval to laugh....whew...I was worried too!!

    j/k Ivan
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    threefates View Drop Down
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    Points: 4215     		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 16 2004 at 12:09
    Well that is pretty scarey... I guess tho this means I can't make fun of lawyers now... Darn!
    THIS IS ELP
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    Easy Livin View Drop Down
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    Points: 15585     		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 16 2004 at 12:37

    Hey Ivan,

    How about sharing some of the lawyer and drummer jokes with us!ClapBig smile
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    Ivan_Melgar_M View Drop Down
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    Points: 19557     		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 16 2004 at 14:04

    You can make fun of lawyers Threefates, I usually enjoy all the jokes, specially when I know more of my friends who are ambulance chasers.

    Love your sarcasm Gdub

    Iván
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    Ivan_Melgar_M View Drop Down
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    Points: 19557     		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 16 2004 at 14:15

    Drummers:

    "Hey buddy, how late does the band play?" ....."Oh, about a half beat behind the drummer."

    Q: Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?........A: Because it can keep a steady beat and won't sleep with your girlfriend.

    Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?.......A: Five: one to screw in the light bulb and four to talk about how much better Neil Peart would have done it!

    Q: Why do drummers have one more brain cell than a horse?....A: So that when marching in a parade, they can avoid the sh*t on the road.

    Q: How can you make a drummer slow down?....A: Put a sheet of music in front of him

    Q #2: How can you make that drummer stop?.......A: Put notes on it!

    Q: How would you describe a drummer.....A: A guy who drinks with musicians.

    Q: Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?.....A: So they can park in the handicapped spot.

    Q: What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?....A: Homeless

    Q: What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?......A: "Hey, guys - why don't we try one of my songs? ..."

    Q: What did the professional drummer say when he got to his job?....A: "Would you like fries with that?"

    Iván
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    Points: 15585     		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 16 2004 at 16:16

    Superb Ivan, LOLClap,

    Keep 'em coming!
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