ZAPPA’isms

1.     Jazz is not dead...it just smells funny.
2.     Stupidity is the basic building block of the
universe.
3.     There is no hell. There is only France.
4.     Don't mind your make-up, you'd better make
your mind up.
5.     Without music to decorate it, time is just a
bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by
which bills must be paid.
6.     It is always advisable to be a loser if you cannot
become a winner.
7.     A mind is like a parachute. It doesnt work if it's
not open.
8.     If we can't be free at least we can be cheap.
9.     Sometimes you got to get sick before you can
feel better.
10.     You can't be a Real Country unless you have a
BEER and an airline - it helps if you have some kind
of a football team or some nuclear weapons, but at
the very least you need a BEER.
11.     There will never be a nuclear war; there's too
much real estate involved.
12.     Consider for a moment any beauty in the name
Ralph.
13.     Why do you necessarily have to be wrong just
because a few million people think you are?
14.     Outdoors for me is walking from the car to the
ticket desk at the airport
15.     You drank beer, you played golf, you watched
football - WE EVOLVED!
16.     You have just destroyed one model XQJ-37
nuclear powered pansexual roto-plooker....and
you're gonna have to pay for it.
17.     Interviewer: "So Frank, you have long hair.
Does that make you a woman?"
FZ: "You have a wooden leg. Does that make you a
table?"
18.     Without deviation from the norm, 'progress' is
not possible.
19.     It's better to have something to remember than
nothing to reget...
20.     Who are the brain police?
21.     The people of your century no longer require
the service of composers. A composer is as useful
to a person in a jogging suit as a dinsoaur turd in the
middle of his runway.
22.     There are more love songs than anything else.
If songs could make you do something we'd all love
one another.
23.     I'm not black, but there's a whole lot of times I
wish I could say I'm not white.
24.     Most people wouldn't know good music if it
came up and bit them in the ass.
25.     Politics is the entertainment branch of industry.



Edited by DallasBryan

beterdedthnred4 wrote: That is the best list of Zappaisms I've seen in lo these many years.  I especially love the one about the wooden leg and the table.

Yeah so true, can also be a chair, so it is prejudice

 

Nice list, good fun

 

Great list! May I add:

26. My best advice to anyone who wants to raise a happy, mentally healthy child is: Keep him or her as far away from a church as you can.

27. Americans like to talk about (or be told about) Democracy but, when put to the test, usually find it to be an 'inconvenience.'  We have opted instead for an authoritarian system disguised as a Democracy.  We pay through the nose for an enormous joke-of-a-government, let it push us around, and then wonder how all those assholes got in there.

28. Whatever you have to do to have a good time, let's get on with it, so long as it doesn't cause a murder.

29. A drug is not bad. A drug is a chemical compound. The problem comes in when people who take drugs treat them like a licence to behave like an asshole.

30. You can't write a chord ugly enough to say what you want sometimes, so you have to rely on a giraffe filled with whipped cream.