A 10-yr old reviews ELP

Daniel Bukszpan of "The Z-Review" asked his 10 year old son to review the eponymous Emerson Lake and Palmer album.  Here are the hilarious results... (the full article can be found here: https://thezreview.com/2018/04/02/my-10-year-old-reviews-prog-rock-records-emerson-lake-palmer/).

TZR: What does this music remind you of?

RB: It reminds me of how boring My Dinner With André was.

TZR: What do you think about the fact that this band was once as popular as Taylor Swift is today?

RB: When you say that, I think that’s a lie, but it’s not, so that’s just crazy. How were they even popular? That’s crazy. How were they popular? It’s horrible. That music is horrible.

TZR: If you had to give this album a name, what would it be?

RB: Our Songs Are Bad and We’re Terrible at Singing, or Crappy Songs Galore.

TZR: Would you be interested in learning how to play this music?

RB: No, because it’s completely crappy and no one should ever listen to it.

TZR: If you were on a desert island with this record and nothing else, what would you do?

RB: I would probably throw it into the ocean and pee all over it. That’s how much I hate it.

Fortunately, it's not music for a 10 year old jerk - never has been, never will be.

You should have asked me when I was 10; I would have answered "It's quite cool, but ELP are very mainstream. Can I play you some Henry Cow or Faust"?

BaldFriede wrote: You should have asked me when I was 10; I would have answered "It's quite cool, but ELP are very mainstream. Can I play you some Henry Cow or Faust"?

When you were 10, you'd have to review an album that was release 48 years prior, which is what the kid was asked to do.  Dunno about you, but that would be asking me to review an album from 1928!

We're surrounded by f**king geniuses!

At 10 years old I don't even remember if I listened to any music, let alone prog. At least the little fellow knows his own preferences.

Barbu wrote: We're surrounded by f**king geniuses!

I just happen to have perfect pitch. It is a rare gift, but you don't need to be a genius for that.


Edited by BaldJean - April 03 2018 at 08:52

The kid makes sense. I never cared for ELP's debut and Lucky Man always put me to sleep. 

In all fairness, when I was his age I thought The Wall was a pretty boring album except for that We Don't Need No Education song. I would've rather listened to Eminem or Good Charlotte.

The kid's review is OK to read, not the peak of fun but somewhere in there. I certainly don't mind it. I like that album but there's nothing wrong with a reasonably musically interested 10-years-old speaking his mind - surely nobody has to like it and I'm fine with him saying in some strong words that he doesn't.
 
What I really don't like about it is that the guy who wrote the article obviously uses his son to tell his own opinion, trying to make it look more innocent and probably even truer. For an adult music critic that's really poor. He doesn't have to love the album but apparently doesn't have more to say about it than his son. Which shows that he is in the wrong job really.