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Vompatti 
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member
Joined: October 22 2005
Location: elsewhere
Status: Offline
Points: 67407
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 Posted: November 30 2009 at 16:15 |
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Dear Dr. Dingo, I have the following problem:
I used to write short stories with some Kafkan humour but very little porn in them. After trying to send them to magazines & writing competitions & even one publishing company I came to the conclusion that nobody wants to publish the kind of stuff I write. All they publish is
a) suspense thrillers,
b) poor Bukowski imitations,
c) artistic, prize-winning, pretensious nonsense.
Should I:
a) keep writing & sending my stuff to people who don't want to publish it,
b) try to find someone who wants to publish my stuff & send it to him,
c) start my own magazine & sell it to people at street corners,
d) start writing (more) porn,
e) watch another Dario Argento movie & forget about the writing thing?
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The Sleepwalker
Prog Reviewer
Joined: February 03 2009
Location: The Netherlands
Status: Offline
Points: 15141
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Posted: November 30 2009 at 16:22 |
 Vompatti wrote:
Dear Dr. Dingo, I have the following problem:
I used to write short stories with some Kafkan humour but very little porn in them. After trying to send them to magazines & writing competitions & even one publishing company I came to the conclusion that nobody wants to publish the kind of stuff I write. All they publish is
a) suspense thrillers,
b) poor Bukowski imitations,
c) artistic, prize-winning, pretensious nonsense.
Should I:
a) keep writing & sending my stuff to people who don't want to publish it,
b) try to find someone who wants to publish my stuff & send it to him,
c) start my own magazine & sell it to people at street corners,
d) start writing (more) porn,
e) watch another Dario Argento movie & forget about the writing thing?
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I vote for F) Combine your short stories with music (not background music, but music that expresses the mood of the story) and create a new genre, or rediscover a genre which I have never heard of.
I, of course, am not a doctor like Dr. Dingo. So don't take my advice all too serious.
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el dingo
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2008
Location: Norwich UK
Status: Offline
Points: 7053
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Posted: December 01 2009 at 00:09 |
Vompatti wrote:
Dear Dr. Dingo, I have the following problem:
I used to write short stories with some Kafkan humour but very little porn in them. After trying to send them to magazines & writing competitions & even one publishing company I came to the conclusion that nobody wants to publish the kind of stuff I write. All they publish is
a) suspense thrillers,
b) poor Bukowski imitations,
c) artistic, prize-winning, pretensious nonsense.
Should I:
a) keep writing & sending my stuff to people who don't want to publish it,
b) try to find someone who wants to publish my stuff & send it to him,
c) start my own magazine & sell it to people at street corners,
d) start writing (more) porn,
e) watch another Dario Argento movie & forget about the writing thing?
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Dear Vompatti,
This is indeed a dilemma. My personal experience is that I have had thousands of articles published, but this is not as good as it seems because nearly always these have been articles I have written for newspapers/magazines I have been employed by and nothing I have ever actually wanted to write. I am about to write a book but it's a kind of lukewarm kiss and tell because I've met lots of well-known people (while I've been at work, no-one famous has ever come round my house for tea).
In order to do this I have written a synopsis and I am going to write one chapter. I am then going to find an agent (if one wants to take me on) and let him do the hard work of selling it. If no-one thinks the book is worth any money, then i simply won't write it. The Agent can keep his 20 per cent - at the moment 20% of 0 is 0 so I don;t care - he can only do better.
So therefore I think the answer to your problem is choice b) as highighted above. You are a true artist Vompatti but that does not pay the bills. I used to write very little for fun, mainly rubbish for money. Nowadays i am more or less retired because I'm too old to get another staff job. You have youth on your side. There must be an international equivalent of our Writers and Artists Yearbook (which details what kind of stuff particular publishers want). Go through it online or otherwise and ID the publishers who seek the stuff you write - you'll eliminate about 95 per cent this way so you can adopt a rifle shot approach rather than a scattergun.
Most genuinely inspired people I've come across are too busy practising their art to sell any of it.
Forget the porn-style stuff - it doesn't pay very much from what I've heard. And don't be afraid to approach your national newspapers and magazines - they're always looking for a new spin on most things.
If you ever need a reference I'm sure there's loads of us on PA who'd oblige 
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It's not that I can't find worth in anything, it's just that I can't find worth in enough.
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The Runaway
Forum Senior Member
Joined: May 28 2009
Location: London
Status: Offline
Points: 3144
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Posted: December 01 2009 at 01:36 |
Any Colour You Like wrote:
See people this is the reason why the British Empire collapsed. Get yer Union Jack off our Stars! 
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Did you really to get that past me?
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The Runaway
Forum Senior Member
Joined: May 28 2009
Location: London
Status: Offline
Points: 3144
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Posted: December 01 2009 at 01:37 |
el dingo wrote:
Answers to follow shortly (the Surgery Cleaner's just arrived and I have to let her in. I think her name is Alice)
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Isn't that Taylor Swift? 
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el dingo
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2008
Location: Norwich UK
Status: Offline
Points: 7053
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Posted: December 02 2009 at 10:19 |
I'm a Doctor, not a censor 
To be honest I didn't even notice, but now you mention it...
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It's not that I can't find worth in anything, it's just that I can't find worth in enough.
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el dingo
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2008
Location: Norwich UK
Status: Offline
Points: 7053
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Posted: December 02 2009 at 10:21 |
Blowin Free wrote:
el dingo wrote:
Answers to follow shortly (the Surgery Cleaner's just arrived and I have to let her in. I think her name is Alice)
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Isn't that Taylor Swift?
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Unless she does catalogue modelling I very much doubt it.
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It's not that I can't find worth in anything, it's just that I can't find worth in enough.
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Any Colour You Like
Prog Reviewer
Joined: May 15 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 12294
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Posted: December 02 2009 at 16:10 |
el dingo wrote:
I'm a Doctor, not a censor
To be honest I didn't even notice, but now you mention it... |
I know, that Union Jack is quite the naughty fellow.
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el dingo
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2008
Location: Norwich UK
Status: Offline
Points: 7053
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Posted: December 03 2009 at 13:32 |
It's certainly had a chequered history, no doubt about that.
Since the surgery's gone quiet I think I'll close for the year  |
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It's not that I can't find worth in anything, it's just that I can't find worth in enough.
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Vompatti
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member
Joined: October 22 2005
Location: elsewhere
Status: Offline
Points: 67407
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Posted: December 03 2009 at 13:37 |
Please don't close yet! I need someone to dress this gaping wound in my soul! 
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el dingo
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2008
Location: Norwich UK
Status: Offline
Points: 7053
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Posted: December 03 2009 at 13:41 |
Okay already
I'll send Nurse Katya round with Dr Dingo's patent wounded soul patch. It's only a short-term solution but believe me you'll not regret the four hours it takes Katya to apply. Or paying the $4,500 Katya will request for this personal service tailored to the requirements of your soul.
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It's not that I can't find worth in anything, it's just that I can't find worth in enough.
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Slartibartfast
Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator / In Memoriam
Joined: April 29 2006
Location: Atlantais
Status: Offline
Points: 29630
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Posted: December 03 2009 at 13:53 |
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Why don't your eyes fall out when you look down?
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Released date are often when it it impacted you but recorded dates are when it really happened... 
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el dingo
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2008
Location: Norwich UK
Status: Offline
Points: 7053
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Posted: December 03 2009 at 13:56 |
Slartibartfast wrote:
Why don't your eyes fall out when you look down? |
Mine do - don't yours  ?
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It's not that I can't find worth in anything, it's just that I can't find worth in enough.
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Vompatti
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member
Joined: October 22 2005
Location: elsewhere
Status: Offline
Points: 67407
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Posted: December 03 2009 at 14:05 |
el dingo wrote:
Okay already
I'll send Nurse Katya round with Dr Dingo's patent wounded soul patch. It's only a short-term solution but believe me you'll not regret the four hours it takes Katya to apply. Or paying the $4,500 Katya will request for this personal service tailored to the requirements of your soul. |
I'll pay when I get the money, okay?
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el dingo
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2008
Location: Norwich UK
Status: Offline
Points: 7053
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Posted: December 03 2009 at 14:08 |
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No Vompatti that is not okay. Katya is always accompanied on field trips by Igor, who is also my accountant and although Khazithystanian, knows the meaning of the phrase: No cash, no temporarily repaired soul.
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It's not that I can't find worth in anything, it's just that I can't find worth in enough.
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Vompatti
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member
Joined: October 22 2005
Location: elsewhere
Status: Offline
Points: 67407
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Posted: December 03 2009 at 14:11 |
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You do realize that my soul might get infected unless it's temporarily repaired as soon as possible?
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el dingo
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2008
Location: Norwich UK
Status: Offline
Points: 7053
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Posted: December 03 2009 at 14:20 |
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Okay Vompatti since you're that much in need of treatment I'll send Alice round instead - that way your soul will still be mended for a week or so but the application will only take around two hours and the fee will be $2,200. You have until the end of the year to settle (Alice is far more gullible than Katya, but they share the same accountant).
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It's not that I can't find worth in anything, it's just that I can't find worth in enough.
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Tin Of Hurri Curri
Forum Groupie
Joined: August 12 2009
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 86
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Posted: December 03 2009 at 21:06 |
Dear Dr. Dingo,
What is the key to living a happy, fulfilled life? (Well, okay, I guess the answer to that would probably be, "Listening to prog, of course!"--but what else can I do in order to become happy and fulfilled?)
And what does Igor the accountant look like?
Sincerely,
Tin Of Gloomy Curri
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el dingo
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2008
Location: Norwich UK
Status: Offline
Points: 7053
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Posted: December 04 2009 at 06:48 |
Vompatti wrote:
Please don't close yet! I need someone to dress this gaping wound in my soul! |
"Well we heal your souls for peanuts and we heal your shops and houses... for just a little more
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It's not that I can't find worth in anything, it's just that I can't find worth in enough.
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el dingo
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2008
Location: Norwich UK
Status: Offline
Points: 7053
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Posted: December 04 2009 at 06:56 |
Tin Of Hurri Curri wrote:
Dear Dr. Dingo,
What is the key to living a happy, fulfilled life? (Well, okay, I guess the answer to that would probably be, "Listening to prog, of course!"--but what else can I do in order to become happy and fulfilled?)
And what does Igor the accountant look like?
Sincerely,
Tin Of Gloomy Curri |
Dear GloomyCurry
The secret to fulfillment is to study hard, work hard, give all your taxes to the government, vote Tory/Republican/any right wing party of your choice, go to Church regularly, produce 2.4 children together with the right partner in the eyes of your parents, join the Freemasons, respect your betters, admire Vompatti's artwork, and always pay your utility bills on time.
Or of course you could, indeed should, enjoy yourself instead. 
ps I personally add in lots of different musical genres - I find prog is best enjoyed with a side salad of indie, prog metal, classic punk/new wave, even a bit of hard rock sometimes (tho not that often these days - there's so much other great stuff around).
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It's not that I can't find worth in anything, it's just that I can't find worth in enough.
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