Ridiculous made-up reviews thread

Epignosis wrote a fake review about A Farewell to Kings and it gave me the idea to start this thread. The concept is simple : Make up a review of an album and make it funny.

Here is the original Epignosis review :




What the hell is this?  Rshu thinks there god'sgift to music?  And why the hell do so many Americans get into this?  There from CANADADA!  What does damn canada have?  Bears and stupid guys with hats. 

And sweet lord, Gedy Lee sings like he's an old lady getting her ass hairs plucked!  Who wants to listsen to that shreiking?  And Alex only goes by "Lifeson' because no one can pronounce his real last name.  What is is?  ZJVAKOCKALOCKIE?  And what's up with Neal?  "I can play a millon drums and read friggen Ann Rand while wearing a stupid hat."  Yeah, go ride your motorcycle, Neal.

Anyway, one look at the album cover lets you know this is going to be complete sh*t.  The dude's house burned down, and he's still sitting in his chair like nothing happened.  He was probably watchin a re run of "Gilmore Girls" or some god-awful sh*t like that.  Probalby deserved to have his house burn to the ground.  a****le.

Here is a lame attempt :






This? Prog? LOLOLOL R U kidding me?

I sense no prog in this 60s drug music. I sense crap though.

"Man, it's like the funny. If I take the 3 letters from LSD and try to make up a sentence out of it, I get Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds."
"Woah, far out."

It's not far out. It's far in my butt. LOL.

They even had the guts to have cool people appear on the cover. Such disgrace.

I hope Sgt Pepper stays lonely.

rushfan4 wrote:

Don't take it badly. Those are fake reviews.

I know Robert loves Rush and I absolutely love Sgt Pepper.

This comes off to me as completely juvenile and really fails to hit the mark it tries to reach. What is this even trying to achieve? It comes across as overly emotional and bland to me.

1. Lemmings- This is really passable and does not keep my attention. Worst track on the album. The production isn't very good and this doesn't help the problem at all. Hammill's vocals really are passable, the instrumentation is not really interesting, and the only word I can think of for this track is boring. 1/10

2. Man-Erg- Easily the best track of the album, but it still could use tons of improvement. Hammill's vocals are overly theatric for me and don't strike a chord with me at all. The lyrics come across as a bit odd, almost childish, though this is again the best track lyrically in that regard (that doesn't say much, however). The production on this one is bland and the keys are sometimes interesting and effective, but it's too rare. For some reason, this music all just goes in one ear and out the other for me. It doesn't make me respond in any way. 4/10

3. A Plague of Lighthouse Keepers- Rambling piece of absolute nonsense. This is more of the same, and I'd much rather listen to so many other albums and bands out there. Your collection can definitely go without the unnecessarily dramatic vocals of Hammill, the lackluster songwriting, and the uninteresting instrumentation. They certainly are talented at least, but again this fails to do anything for me other than allow my mind to wander for most of it. 2/10

This is quite poor. Only for completionists. Me? I have many VDGG albums in my collection and this one has to be one of my least favorite. It simply doesn't do ANYTHING, it just drags on. Boring, elongated, rambling, childish, bland production.

Pass on this one.

rushfan4 wrote: It's only funny until someone gets hurt.  (All apologies to Alex for what is about to follow)     What the heck am I missing here? Or am I hearing a different album than most reviewers? This comes off to me as completely juvenile and really fails to hit the mark it tries to reach. What is this even trying to achieve? It comes across as overly emotional and bland to me. 1. Lemmings- This is really passable and does not keep my attention. Worst track on the album. The production isn't very good and this doesn't help the problem at all. Hammill's vocals really are passable, the instrumentation is not really interesting, and the only word I can think of for this track is boring. 1/10 2. Man-Erg- Easily the best track of the album, but it still could use tons of improvement. Hammill's vocals are overly theatric for me and don't strike a chord with me at all. The lyrics come across as a bit odd, almost childish, though this is again the best track lyrically in that regard (that doesn't say much, however). The production on this one is bland and the keys are sometimes interesting and effective, but it's too rare. For some reason, this music all just goes in one ear and out the other for me. It doesn't make me respond in any way. 4/10 3. A Plague of Lighthouse Keepers- Rambling piece of absolute nonsense. This is more of the same, and I'd much rather listen to so many other albums and bands out there. Your collection can definitely go without the unnecessarily dramatic vocals of Hammill, the lackluster songwriting, and the uninteresting instrumentation. They certainly are talented at least, but again this fails to do anything for me other than allow my mind to wander for most of it. 2/10 This is quite poor. Only for completionists. Me? I have many VDGG albums in my collection and this one has to be one of my least favorite. It simply doesn't do ANYTHING, it just drags on. Boring, elongated, rambling, childish, bland production. Pass on this one.

Hey! That's a serious review!

So I'm not allowed to not really like something that everyone else does, huh?

Here's another one :

OOIOO - Feather Float





Wow! I've never heard that album but I've seen pics of the band and the girls are seriously hawt!





Edited by Bern - December 05 2008 at 15:03

rushfan4 wrote: But if you didn't know it was a real review, you would certainly think that it was a ridiculous made-up review.

Maybe.

But that's impossible to tell.

Bern wrote: Here's another one : OOIOO - Feather Float Wow! I've never heard that album but I've seen pics of the band and they're seriously hawt!

And probably gay.

Epignosis wrote: Bern wrote: Here's another one : OOIOO - Feather Float Wow! I've never heard that album but I've seen pics of the band and they're seriously hawt! And probably gay.

Well, they're japanese girls.

rushfan4 wrote: I have enough issues with ridiculous real reviews, but in the spirit of things.     King's X - Ogre Tones     Well, I really like the Shrek movies and he is an ogre and they made 3 of them, so this is worthy of 3 stars.

3 clappies for you.