STRANGE

It's 10:18 and i Just woak up to another Boring day where all i schould do is get more bored

Truly inspired Mr. Cert.....

Ms. threefates - the quote and the kidney were Jim Garten's not mine. I hope PETA doesn't get wind of your story..... baby eels may be endangered. Surely there would be a huge inquiry into the porno industries abuse of baby eels. Imagine being called in as a witness.

Gov't Prosecutor, "Exactly what, Ms. fates, was the funnel used for?"  

there was silence and then the words came across the miles into his helmet mike

"er..... say again commander,did we hear you right?"

the commanders voice carried back to mission control

"I say again there is an artifact here and i stress.... it is not natural"

on the airless cold of the moons dark side in the year 2012 he stood staring in disbeleif at the object propped against the rock, over the helmet speakers he could hear the hubbubb of voices faintly in the background,he was only able to make out the occasional word but the voices carried the same air of disbeleif he was feeling.

"Commander this is mission control..er..you realise the utter impossibility of what you have just told us,no one from earth has been where you are,are you sure your oxygen is.....no thats silly we can see that all your vital signs are normal apart from a slightly elevated heart beat..",there was silence for several seconds,...."Are you sure you are not...seeing things?"

the commander breathed in deeply."No ,i assure you its right in front of me,its here its real and i dont know what to do"

"Okay lets keep this quiet for now no need for the world to know about this at the moment,we need to confer so we will break contact for a few minutes....er you just hang on there....dammit what the hell do we do now?"

the commander ignored the rhetorical question and just stared at the object in disbeleif not knowing what to say or do ,trying to come to grips with the total absurdity of what was here not three feet from him here on the moons dark side.

an electric guitar

> West

You are on a green Chevrolet Blazer equipped with 8-track stereo, nitrous oxide injection kit and a Bert Kaempfert cassette stuck permanently on play.

North is a crysanthemum named Dave with a large purple umbrella.

South is a crysanthemum named Jemima with whooping cough and a distant relative of no consequence.

East is a red Cornflakes packet on the outskirts of a shrubbery near Nottingham.

West is a Massage parlour, bar and 24/7 prog music venue; "Tonite : Uncle Mickey and his Performing Puppies, Vicious Dwarf, Queen Burnt Ochre and Plant Ginger and the There and Then band on the "Sinking Apathy" tour. At the front door is a bouncer the size of two rugby league players in a dinner jacket made from the fleece of a male African Elephant. 

There is a boiled Meerkat under a fig tree, several sadicious scribes from Caesarea, Spencer Tracy and six saintly shrouded men playing hopscotch with Linda Lusardi.

You have no scruples, a pound of howsyourfather, tuppenyha'penny tickets to "Me and Mrs Stimpson" at the Goldwyn Metro, Hammersmith Broadway, some mouldy gorgonzola for your lizard, Duke, and a packet of tripe.

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