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Zitro View Drop Down
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Points: 1321 		Direct Link To This Post Topic: Funny MarsVolta review:somethingawful.com
    Posted: January 19 2006 at 14:37

This is probably the funniest negative review I have come across. You can tell that this guy hated Mars Volta's Frances the Mute.

http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=2825

Listen to each song while reading his analysis of each piece.

Excerpts:

At three minutes and twenty seconds, I’m treated to the most obnoxious breakdown in the history of rock and roll, which is a little like getting repeatedly rabbit-punched by a spastic flyweight clown.

"At five minutes and ten seconds, the guitarist sounds like he’s repeatedly trying to play a guitar lick but screwing it up every time. If The Mars Volta intend to paint vivid pictures with their music, it’s working: if I close my eyes, I can see a teenager on a stool in Guitar Center trying to impress us with his avant-garde (i.e. out of key) riffs."

"he sets up one of those little hard-rock exchanges where he screams a little bit of melody and then the guitar player does one of those diddly diddly diddly things and then he screams again and more guitar twiddling. And of course it climaxes in another chorus and we’re left with the disturbing feeling that the singer and guitarist have just committed a playful sexual act on each other. "



Edited by Zitro
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Rosescar View Drop Down
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Points: 715 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 19 2006 at 14:48
I've read it about halfway, then I realised he kept saying the same thing over and over again. Maybe the album's like that too?
My music!

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Points: 546 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 19 2006 at 14:52
he reviewed it with the bias that prog is pretentious garbage, he would probably say the same thing about ctte. 

listen to Hella
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Points: 823 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 19 2006 at 15:30

I wouldn't take it to seriously.
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Points: 518 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 19 2006 at 15:40

hahaha that's great

I like this line:

Now the singer is yelling “will they feed us some hooves.” Somebody feed this man some f**king hooves so he’ll shut up.
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Points: 9008 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 19 2006 at 16:10
I can't believe I spent time reading this

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Points: 1455 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 19 2006 at 16:16
that review sucked
I'm a reasonable man, get off my case
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Points: 55 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 19 2006 at 16:49
lol, obviously I disagree with this guy entirely since I consider Frances The Mute a remarkable album.. buttttt I do have to admt that the article IS really funny hahaha

"This one starts out sounding like a song, but the lyrics have been stolen and translated to Korean and back ten times with some sort of automatic computer translator." LMAO
My Last.fm
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Points: 3118 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 19 2006 at 16:52
I don't know how that person can be a Dr.

And his last name is Thorpe, in spanish it seems like "torpe", that can mean in english "clumsy" or "awkward" (i tink it's the same ting, but just for be sure) in other words can be just and IDIOT.
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Points: 3047 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 19 2006 at 17:07
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Points: 2373 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 19 2006 at 17:31

Why are you guys so bothered by this? It's just another one of those journalists who tries to be cool by writing a 'witty' and 'subversive' (read: clicheed and generic) review. It seems there's plenty of them around nowadays. They all might as well be the same guy.
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Points: 3830 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 19 2006 at 17:49
Something Awful is a comedy site that bases its humor on elitism, cynicism, and deprication.

As such, it has nothing positive to say about anything.  Ever.  No matter what.

I'm not exaggerating.

To take one of their reviews seriously is a serious miscue. 
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Points: 7341 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 19 2006 at 18:04
Ha. It has all the cliches of a negative prog review.
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Points: 870 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 19 2006 at 19:58
Originally posted by Man Overboard Man Overboard wrote:

Something Awful is a comedy site that bases its humor on elitism, cynicism, and deprication.

As such, it has nothing positive to say about anything. Ever. No matter what.

I'm not exaggerating.

To take one of their reviews seriously is a serious miscue.



Yes, thank you, was about to say the same. Somethingawful is pretty well known for this. This also isn't the first time one of their "reviews" caused an uproar around here I think. Chill peoples, tis all in fun.
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Points: 3830 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 19 2006 at 20:19
Originally posted by Ben2112 Ben2112 wrote:

Originally posted by Man Overboard Man Overboard wrote:

Something Awful is a comedy site that bases its humor on elitism, cynicism, and deprication.

As such, it has nothing positive to say about anything. Ever. No matter what.

I'm not exaggerating.

To take one of their reviews seriously is a serious miscue.



Yes, thank you, was about to say the same. Somethingawful is pretty well known for this. This also isn't the first time one of their "reviews" caused an uproar around here I think. Chill peoples, tis all in fun.


  I could be wrong, but I think it was the exact same review that caused the previous uproar... 
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Points: 870 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 19 2006 at 20:41
Originally posted by Man Overboard Man Overboard wrote:

Originally posted by Ben2112 Ben2112 wrote:

Originally posted by Man Overboard Man Overboard wrote:

Something Awful is a comedy site
that bases its humor on elitism, cynicism, and deprication.

As such, it has nothing positive to say about anything. Ever. No matter what.

I'm not exaggerating.

To take one of their reviews seriously is a serious miscue.



Yes, thank you, was about to say the same. Somethingawful is pretty
well known for this. This also isn't the first time one of their
"reviews" caused an uproar around here I think. Chill peoples, tis all
in fun.


I could be wrong, but I think it was the exact same review that caused the previous uproar...


I think you're right!
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Points: 75 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 19 2006 at 20:46

Ive been to the site before and its always been like this. Hilarious. please dont take this seriously people its meant to have only one affect. laughter not outrage.

"My opinion is that Frances The Mute sucks. No, I haven’t heard it, I can just smell a crap record a mile away"---        &nbs p;         &nbs p;         &nbs p;         &nbs p;         &nbs p;         &nbs p;         Now the singer is yelling “will they feed us some hooves.” Somebody feed this man some f**king hooves!

"Then it gets all serious-sounding, and the singer squeals 'bring me the flame… shizzle troop… those nicotine stains'.”

hahahahaha i found it immensly entertaining. PEACE

mike



Edited by Mikeypoo
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Points: 257 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 19 2006 at 20:54
Yeah... that's very funny..... LOL  :)
...this is called....BleedingGum ... !
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Points: 28427 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 19 2006 at 20:56
That really is something awful.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 19 2006 at 20:59

this isn`t  written by a person who likes prog .. is it ?



Edited by s1ipp3ry
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