Funny MarsVolta review:somethingawful.com
Printed From: Progarchives.com
Category: Progressive Music Lounges
Forum Name: Prog Bands, Artists and Genres Appreciation
Forum Description: Discuss specific prog bands and their members or a specific sub-genre
URL: http://www.progarchives.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=17666
Printed Date: February 22 2025 at 13:32
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Topic: Funny MarsVolta review:somethingawful.com
Posted By: Zitro
Subject: Funny MarsVolta review:somethingawful.com
Date Posted: January 19 2006 at 14:37
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This is probably the funniest negative review I have come across. You can tell that this guy hated Mars Volta's Frances the Mute. http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=2825 - http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=2825 Listen to each song while reading his analysis of each piece. Excerpts: At three minutes and twenty seconds, I’m treated to the most obnoxious breakdown in the history of rock and roll, which is a little like getting repeatedly rabbit-punched by a spastic flyweight clown. "At five minutes and ten seconds, the guitarist sounds like he’s repeatedly trying to play a guitar lick but screwing it up every time. If The Mars Volta intend to paint vivid pictures with their music, it’s working: if I close my eyes, I can see a teenager on a stool in Guitar Center trying to impress us with his avant-garde (i.e. out of key) riffs." "he sets up one of those little hard-rock exchanges where he screams a little bit of melody and then the guitar player does one of those diddly diddly diddly things and then he screams again and more guitar twiddling. And of course it climaxes in another chorus and we’re left with the disturbing feeling that the singer and guitarist have just committed a playful sexual act on each other. " |
Replies:
Posted By: Rosescar
Date Posted: January 19 2006 at 14:48
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I've read it about halfway, then I realised he kept saying the same thing over and over again. Maybe the album's like that too?
------------- http://www.soundclick.com/rosescar/ - My music! "THE AUDIENCE WERE generally drugged. (In Holland, always)." - Robert Fripp |
Posted By: Rashikal
Date Posted: January 19 2006 at 14:52
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he reviewed it with the bias that prog is pretentious garbage, he would probably say the same thing about ctte.
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listen to Hella |
Posted By: alan_pfeifer
Date Posted: January 19 2006 at 15:30
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I wouldn't take it to seriously. |
Posted By: Gentle Tull
Date Posted: January 19 2006 at 15:40
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hahaha that's great I like this line: Now the singer is yelling “will they feed us some hooves.” Somebody feed this man some f**king hooves so he’ll shut up. ------------- 
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Posted By: chamberry
Date Posted: January 19 2006 at 16:10
I can't believe I spent time reading this
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Posted By: Figglesnout
Date Posted: January 19 2006 at 16:16
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that review sucked ------------- I'm a reasonable man, get off my case |
Posted By: mortem
Date Posted: January 19 2006 at 16:49
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lol, obviously I disagree with this guy entirely since I consider Frances The Mute a remarkable album.. buttttt I do have to admt that the article IS really funny hahaha "This one starts out sounding like a song, but the lyrics have been stolen and translated to Korean and back ten times with some sort of automatic computer translator." LMAO ------------- http://www.last.fm/user/m0rtem/ - My Last.fm |
Posted By: Viajero Astral
Date Posted: January 19 2006 at 16:52
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I don't know how that person can be a Dr. And his last name is Thorpe, in spanish it seems like "torpe", that can mean in english "clumsy" or "awkward" (i tink it's the same ting, but just for be sure) in other words can be just and IDIOT. ------------- 
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Posted By: NetsNJFan
Date Posted: January 19 2006 at 17:07
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Posted By: Manunkind
Date Posted: January 19 2006 at 17:31
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Why are you guys so bothered by this? It's just another one of those journalists who tries to be cool by writing a 'witty' and 'subversive' (read: clicheed and generic) review. It seems there's plenty of them around nowadays. They all might as well be the same guy. |
Posted By: Man Overboard
Date Posted: January 19 2006 at 17:49
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Something Awful is a comedy site that bases its humor on elitism, cynicism, and deprication. As such, it has nothing positive to say about anything. Ever. No matter what. I'm not exaggerating. To take one of their reviews seriously is a serious miscue.  ------------- https://soundcloud.com/erin-susan-jennings" rel="nofollow - Bedroom guitarist". Composer, Arranger, Producer. Perfection may not exist, but I may still choose to serve Perfection. Commissions considered. |
Posted By: The Wizard
Date Posted: January 19 2006 at 18:04
Ha. It has all the cliches of a negative prog review.  -------------  
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Posted By: Ben2112
Date Posted: January 19 2006 at 19:58
Yes, thank you, was about to say the same. Somethingawful is pretty well known for this. This also isn't the first time one of their "reviews" caused an uproar around here I think. Chill peoples, tis all in fun. 
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Man Overboard wrote:Posted By: Man Overboard
Date Posted: January 19 2006 at 20:19
I could be wrong, but I think it was the exact same review that caused the previous uproar... ------------- https://soundcloud.com/erin-susan-jennings" rel="nofollow - Bedroom guitarist". Composer, Arranger, Producer. Perfection may not exist, but I may still choose to serve Perfection. Commissions considered. |
Posted By: Ben2112
Date Posted: January 19 2006 at 20:41
I think you're right!
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Posted By: Mikeypoo
Date Posted: January 19 2006 at 20:46
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Ive been to the site before and its always been like this. Hilarious. please dont take this seriously people its meant to have only one affect. laughter not outrage. "My opinion is that Frances The Mute sucks. No, I haven’t heard it, I can just smell a crap record a mile away"--- &nbs p; &nbs p; &nbs p; &nbs p; &nbs p; &nbs p; Now the singer is yelling “will they feed us some hooves.” Somebody feed this man some f**king hooves! "Then it gets all serious-sounding, and the singer squeals 'bring me the flame… shizzle troop… those nicotine stains'.” hahahahaha i found it immensly entertaining. PEACE mike |
Posted By: BleedingGum
Date Posted: January 19 2006 at 20:54
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Yeah... that's very funny..... LOL :)
------------- ...this is called....BleedingGum ... ! |
Posted By: The Miracle
Date Posted: January 19 2006 at 20:56
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That really is something awful. ------------- http://www.last.fm/user/ocellatedgod" rel="nofollow - last.fm |
Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: January 19 2006 at 20:59
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this isn`t written by a person who likes prog .. is it ? |
Posted By: goose
Date Posted: January 19 2006 at 21:03
| It really isn't that funny. I used to read SA a bit when I was younger and I found some of it funny now, but either it's gone downhill or my funny bone has moved in the last few years. |
Posted By: Figglesnout
Date Posted: January 19 2006 at 21:07
i'm not bothered...i just think it's ridiculous that someone that didn't like the album so much wasted his time on something like this. ------------- I'm a reasonable man, get off my case |
Posted By: goose
Date Posted: January 19 2006 at 21:19
| Because the people paying money to the site want to be entertained by drivel, I guess. |
Posted By: FishyMonkey
Date Posted: January 19 2006 at 21:24
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God, you people are the most solemn and dull bunch I've seen in awhile. ------------- http://www.last.fm/user/FishyMonkey/?chartstyle=artists"> 
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Posted By: Man Overboard
Date Posted: January 19 2006 at 21:28
See, that's the thing. The person reviewing honestly doesn't care one way or another about the album. The purpose was to find something negative to say and say it in the way that would annoy fans the most. This wasn't a personal vendetta by the critic towards the band/album, it's the modus operandi to ALL albums reviewed on that site. Something Awful hasn't been funny in ages, but it's sad how many of you are taking it even remotely seriously. ------------- https://soundcloud.com/erin-susan-jennings" rel="nofollow - Bedroom guitarist". Composer, Arranger, Producer. Perfection may not exist, but I may still choose to serve Perfection. Commissions considered. |
Posted By: Figglesnout
Date Posted: January 19 2006 at 22:02
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^^ i had never even heard of the site before so i was figuring it was a serious review... whatever then though. it's still a waste of time if you think about it. "hey let's pick random albums and trash them just because we can!" but hey it's all in fun though. i just have poor sport and i'm very angry about some internal things right now. ------------- I'm a reasonable man, get off my case |
Posted By: transend
Date Posted: January 19 2006 at 22:07
| Jeez, that guy CAN write, no doubt there...he obviously hated it though. I am on the fence with them, bits are OK, bits are dreadful...but it is so clear how someone can hate them, just the last couple of minutes of 'The widow' are enough to make most people give up... |
Posted By: Figglesnout
Date Posted: January 19 2006 at 22:48
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haha i lvoe the widow along with liek every other TMV song...it's just a matter of understanding them....usually the stories that go along with the music/albums enhance teh experience...just people are too lazy to let the band grow organically or too lazy to translate the lyrics--which i fidn devilishly fun. ------------- I'm a reasonable man, get off my case |
Posted By: Zitro
Date Posted: January 19 2006 at 23:47
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wow, I did not expect to see people arguing. Yeah, this review is not serious. I browsed around the site, and it is mostly not funny (except some of the 'guides' section). This seemed exactly like a review to piss off the fans, and he really succeeded (considering some of the replies here). He really managed to make fun of it pretty well I am a person who gives the album something like 2.75 stars. Fricking talented drummer, virtuosic guitarist ... -> mostly nonsensical music and some of the worst vocals in prog (especially the epic).
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Posted By: Figglesnout
Date Posted: January 20 2006 at 00:29
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um...cedirc is amazing...but to each his own and opinions are a voice. ------------- I'm a reasonable man, get off my case |