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zappaholic 
Forum Senior Member
Joined: March 24 2006
Location: flyover country
Status: Offline
Points: 2822
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 Posted: January 23 2014 at 17:30 |
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A guy walks into a bar. *KLUNK*
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"Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard." -- H.L. Mencken
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Polymorphia
Forum Senior Member
Joined: November 06 2012
Location: here
Status: Offline
Points: 8856
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Posted: January 23 2014 at 08:38 |
 Polymorphia wrote:
Knock, knock
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Wow, I feel so lonely guise Man walks into a bar with a piece of pavement under his arm. "One for me," he says to the bartender, "and one for the road."
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Tom Ozric
Prog Reviewer
Joined: September 03 2005
Location: Olympus Mons
Status: Offline
Points: 15926
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Posted: January 23 2014 at 03:46 |
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Q. Who has a long white beard, a red and white suit, a sack on his back and horns on his head ???
A. Satan Claus
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Chris S
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: June 09 2004
Location: Front Range
Status: Offline
Points: 7028
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Posted: January 23 2014 at 03:34 |
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<font color=Brown>Music - The Sound Librarian
...As I venture through the slipstream, between the viaducts in your dreams...[/COLOR]
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Polymorphia
Forum Senior Member
Joined: November 06 2012
Location: here
Status: Offline
Points: 8856
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Posted: January 22 2014 at 17:10 |
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Knock, knock
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presdoug
Forum Senior Member
Joined: January 24 2010
Location: Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 8649
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Posted: January 22 2014 at 17:07 |
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How do you keep a moron is suspense?
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Dean
Special Collaborator
Retired Admin and Amateur Layabout
Joined: May 13 2007
Location: Europe
Status: Offline
Points: 37575
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Posted: January 22 2014 at 15:32 |
Dayvenkirq wrote:
Are you trying to kill the joke? That's the beauty of absurdist humor. It doesn't have to make sense.  Think Steven Wright.
If this does clear things up, I've always used a push broom for both sweeping and mopping. |
The beauty of absurdist humour is never having to think Steve Wright
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What?
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Polymorphia
Forum Senior Member
Joined: November 06 2012
Location: here
Status: Offline
Points: 8856
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Posted: January 22 2014 at 14:38 |
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My parents always told me never to open the cellar door. But when I did I saw wonderfully strange things. Flowers, trees, the sun...
I saw a commercial about slip covers. It said "forget everything you know about slip covers." So I did, and it was a load off my mind. But then they started talkin' about these things called slip covers and I didn't know what the hell they were!
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Dayvenkirq
Forum Senior Member
Joined: May 25 2011
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Status: Offline
Points: 10970
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Posted: January 22 2014 at 14:21 |
Are you trying to kill the joke? That's the beauty of absurdist humor. It doesn't have to make sense. Think Steven Wright.
If this does clear things up, I've always used a push broom for both sweeping and mopping.
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Polymorphia
Forum Senior Member
Joined: November 06 2012
Location: here
Status: Offline
Points: 8856
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Posted: January 22 2014 at 14:07 |
I suppose you could say this irony is mopping the nation.
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Slartibartfast
Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator / In Memoriam
Joined: April 29 2006
Location: Atlantais
Status: Offline
Points: 29630
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Posted: January 22 2014 at 11:56 |
What do you call a person who hangs out with musicians? A drummer. "My music is country music. I'm just not sure which country." Col. Bruce Hampton (Ret.)
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Released date are often when it it impacted you but recorded dates are when it really happened... 
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HolyMoly
Special Collaborator
Retired Admin
Joined: April 01 2009
Location: Atlanta
Status: Offline
Points: 26138
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Posted: January 22 2014 at 11:32 |
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No matter how you slice it, it comes up peanuts.
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My other avatar is a Porsche
It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased.
-Kehlog Albran
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Dean
Special Collaborator
Retired Admin and Amateur Layabout
Joined: May 13 2007
Location: Europe
Status: Offline
Points: 37575
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Posted: January 22 2014 at 11:29 |
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What?
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Polymorphia
Forum Senior Member
Joined: November 06 2012
Location: here
Status: Offline
Points: 8856
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Posted: January 22 2014 at 11:09 |
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irrelevant
Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: March 07 2010
Location: Australia
Status: Offline
Points: 13382
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Posted: January 22 2014 at 10:16 |
^ Ooh, I love Neil Hamburger! I was gonna post another Neil Hamburger joke, but it's way too rough...
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HolyMoly
Special Collaborator
Retired Admin
Joined: April 01 2009
Location: Atlanta
Status: Offline
Points: 26138
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Posted: January 22 2014 at 10:11 |
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Neil Hamburger: Why is the ocean blue?
Crowd: (silence)
NH: Well, because so many people put those little discs in the toilet tank
that make your water blue and uhh, when they flush it, of course, the
waste is all pumped into the sea...
Crowd: (silence)
NH: Well, if you didn't like that, wait til you hear me explain why the sky is BROWN!
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My other avatar is a Porsche
It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased.
-Kehlog Albran
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irrelevant
Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: March 07 2010
Location: Australia
Status: Offline
Points: 13382
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Posted: January 22 2014 at 10:00 |
ExittheLemming wrote:
Keith Richards gives his pillow face marks
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 best one so far.
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Triceratopsoil
Forum Senior Member
Joined: April 03 2010
Location: Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 18016
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Posted: January 22 2014 at 07:51 |
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Andrey's cousin enjoys household chores so we was drooling happily to himself
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Dean
Special Collaborator
Retired Admin and Amateur Layabout
Joined: May 13 2007
Location: Europe
Status: Offline
Points: 37575
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Posted: January 22 2014 at 04:50 |
ProgMetaller2112 wrote:
Dayvenkirq wrote:
I was sweeping the floor with my cousin. Now I have to clean his clothes. |
I don't get it? I don't have any jokes |
Andrey was sweeping the floor with his cousin, and now he has to clean his clothes. 
Andrey and his cousin were previously sweeping the floor and now Andrey is doing the all laundry so we must assume that his cousin is sitting in the clean apartment wearing nothing but a smile, unless of course he has a change of clothes, in which case it's not that funny, so I think the assumption that Andrey's cousin currently without clothing is the punchline of the joke, unless of course the comedic moment is the realisation that Andrey lives in a really dirty house where you have to clean your clothes every time you sweep the floor, and I for one find that very difficult to believe, if only for the fact that houses cannot possibly get that dirty (and that Andrey seems like a nice clean person who would never let his home get into such a state).
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What?
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ProgMetaller2112
Forum Senior Member
Joined: December 08 2012
Location: Pacoima,CA,USA
Status: Offline
Points: 3145
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Posted: January 22 2014 at 04:26 |
Dayvenkirq wrote:
I was sweeping the floor with my cousin. Now I have to clean his clothes. |
I don't get it? I don't have any jokes
Edited by ProgMetaller2112 - January 22 2014 at 04:27
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“War is peace.
Freedom is slavery.
Ignorance is strength.”
― George Orwell, Nineteen Eighty-Four
"Ignorance and Prejudice and Fear walk Hand in Hand"- Neil Peart
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Jokes - Dare you be crucified!
that's absurd, that just doesn't make sense, that's like having a door in your pyjamas, it seems like a funny idea but it never happens and even if you did, where would it go and which side would the knob be on. I mean, Andrey's cousing would have to be really skinny and have a mass of curly hair and that's, well, just wrong because he'd be far more useful as a mop, you could even call him mop-head in fact I bet all his friends don't call him mop-head precisely for that reason because that's the kind of irony kids are into these days, and so Andrey would have said he was mopping the flour with his cousin and he didn't. so there.
