Rock and their Slopes
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Topic: Rock and their Slopes
Posted By: desistindo
Subject: Rock and their Slopes
Date Posted: August 04 2010 at 19:03
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To understand the different strands of metal and rock, let's imagine a situation and their outcomes in dealing with each style. "On top of the castle, there is a beautiful princess - very poor - there was locked, and is guarded by a great and terrible dragon" ... HEAVY METAL: The main character arrives at the castle on a Harley Davidson, kills the dragon's face fills with beer after the princess and f**ks her. Later split when she discovers that he had sex with a groupie ...
MELODIC METAL: The protagonist arrives at the castle in a white winged horse, escapes the dragon, saves the princess, fleeing away and make love.
THRASH METAL: The protagonist arrives at the castle, duels with a dragon, save the princess and f**ks her. POWER METAL: The protagonist arrives, brandishing his sword and catch a glorious battle against the dragon. The dragon succumbs as he stands up, bathed by the blood of your enemy, a sign of its triumph. Rescues the princess. Runs out of patience with her self-praise and f**ks her.
FOLK METAL: The protagonist arrives accompanied by several friends and goblins playing accordion, lute, viola and other weird instruments. Make the dragon sleep after much dancing and leave without the princess because the forest is full of nymphs, elves and fairies.
VIKING METAL: The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with an ax, bake and eat. Rapes the princess, pile the castle and burns everything before leaving.
BLACK METAL Arrives early, within the mist. Kill the dragon and impales it in front of the castle. Sodomizes the princess, cut with a knife and drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her. Then he discovers that she was no longer a virgin and impales with the dragon.
DEATH METAL The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, f**ks the princess, kill the princess and leaves.
GORE: Arrives, kills the dragon. Climb the castle, f**ks the princess and kills her. He then f**ks her again. Burning the body of the princess and f**ks him again.
SPLATTER: Arrives, kills the dragon opens it with a scalpel. Sodomizes the princess with the dragon's guts. Open holes in it with a scalpel and rape each hole. Take off your eyeballs and rapes the princess orbits. After killing the princess, he dissects, takes pictures, and makes an album whose cover is one of the photos.
DOOM METAL: Arrives at the castle, look at the size of the dragon, gets depressed and kills himself. The dragon eats the corpse and then eat the princess.
WHITE METAL Arrives at the castle exorcised the dragon, the princess turns and uses the castle to host another "Universal Church of the Kingdom of God."
NEW METAL Arrives at the castle is the Bonzai thinking and saying how good it is to fight. Wants to prove to everyone that is cool and is also able to save the princess. Think you can beat the dragon, he loses and gets the biggest pounding. New Metal The protagonist takes a Prozak and will record an album "The Best Of".
GRUNGE: Enough drugs, escapes the dragon and find the princess. Tells her about his sad childhood. The princess throws a punch at his face and goes looking for the Heavy Metal. The protagonist suffers a grunge heroin overdose.
N'ROLL CLASSIC ROCK: No more bike smoking a joint offering to the dragon, who becomes his friend. After camping with the princess in a part of the garden and after a lot of sex, drugs and rock n roll, has an overdose of LSD and suffocated on his own vomit.
PUNK ROCK: The dragon, throw a rock at him and then flees. Paints the castle walls with an "A" for anarchy. Makes a mohawk at the Princess and then opens a fanzine stand in the lobby of the castle.
EmoCore: Arrives at the castle and tells how much like the dragon princess. The dragon is with pen and let it pass. After entering the castle, he discovers that the princess escaped with the Heavy Metal protagonist. Write a song letter telling how emotional he was abandoned by his beloved and the world is unfair.
PROGRESSIVE: Enough, plays a virtuoso guitar solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. Arrives at the princess and plays another solo that exploits all the techniques of atonality into bars ternary compounds learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes and goes looking for the Heavy Metal.
HARD ROCK: Arrives in a red convertible with two buxom blondes and drinking Jack Daniels. Kills the dragon with a knife and has an orgy with the princess and the blondes.
or
HARD ROCK (2):
Climb the castle and kills the dragon playing a TV upstairs through the window.
HARDCORE No more skateboarding, organized a protest in front of the castle against the dictatorship of the dragons. Climb the tower, f**ks the princess and records an album with 25 tracks of two minutes each stick down the government.
or
HARDCORE (2)
The protagonist gets hardcore bang, put the dragon on the wheel, fills him with kicks and knocks in the pit. Go up the entire castle, and gives a mosh's tallest tower.
GLAM ROCK: Arrives at the castle. The dragon laughed so much when you see it that lets you pass. He enters the castle, steals the hair dresser and lipstick princess. Then convinces her to paint the castle of pink lights and do the hair.
INDIE ROCK: Enter the back of the castle. The dragon is sorry for hitting a skinny nerd with glasses and let him pass. The princess can not stand to hear him talking about fashion and film, and runs off with the Heavy Metal protagonist.
NEW WAVE Arriving at the castle kills the dragon and donates all its meat to poor families in Africa.
GOTHIC METAL Arrives at the castle and assembles a band with the princess and the dragon making guttural vocals and lyrics respectively.
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Replies:
Posted By: Klogg
Date Posted: August 04 2010 at 19:25
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To understand zeuhl's creation I made a little story: Frank Zappa was walking around with happy feelings, etc, etc. Then he met Stravinky. FZ:"Lets have some motherf*ucker drinking night!" Stravinsky:"Of course!  "While drinking at the pub, they met Miles Davis and Coltrane. After some drinking madness... MD:"Lesssss, make a BAND mahn!" FZ:"fffffffffffff course thud! Next day the group was formed. But while they were making songs, aliens captured the band. After a hardcore brainwashing they were cloned and a new group borned! It was named Magma of course and learned alien language and musical taste.  -------------  Pentagram Pizza YumYum Bloody
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Posted By: DisgruntledPorcupine
Date Posted: August 04 2010 at 21:04
| I enjoyed this. |
Posted By: CPicard
Date Posted: August 05 2010 at 03:54
| Old. |
Posted By: desistindo
Date Posted: August 05 2010 at 10:54
hahaha, very nice! And how would Zeuhl save the princess??
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Klogg wrote:Posted By: Klogg
Date Posted: August 05 2010 at 13:28
A Zeuhl fan doesn't have to safe the princess ------------- Pentagram Pizza YumYum Bloody
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