Personal question.
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Topic: Personal question.
Posted By: JLocke
Subject: Personal question.
Date Posted: February 27 2009 at 18:03
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I hope this is in the appropriate section of the forums, lol.
This is a bit of a tender subject for me, so making light of it, no matter how dumb the question may seem to you, is something I am kindly asking not to take place. Thank you.
Okay, so, last year I broke up with someone who I loved more than I've ever loved anyone else, and it hurt me so badly, I chose to cut ties with anything or anyone who reminded me of her; including mutual friends that we had between us.
Now, I've recently gotten back in touch with my ex's best friend, who happens to be (for the most part) a very geniune, funny, likeable guy. He was a good friend to me back then, and he has expressed interest in wanting to hang out with me again.
Here's my dilemma: I've been doing pretty damn good at putting this whole thing behind me, but this guy, as nice as he is, has been known in the past to stir up sh*t involving his best friend my ex). Whether he does it consciousely or not makes no difference; he apparently has been responsible for most of her break-ups due to the fact that he passes along information and twists things around to make them seem more dire than they really are.
My fear is that if I get too friendly with this guy again that he may in his own special way lead my ex to believe that I am trying to get close to her through him. While this would not be the case, I can't help but feel that everyone in the situation would see it that way.
I'm just looking for some advice on whether or not it's worth it. I mean, the guy's a load of laughs and all, but I just don't know. I now have a new lass in my life, and if the sh*t hits the fan due to this, bringing her into my past issues would be the last thing I would want to do.
Sorry for this juvinile rant.
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Replies:
Posted By: Raff
Date Posted: February 27 2009 at 18:09
| Micah, if you want my very honest advice, this guy is trouble. Funny and likable is all very good and well, but when someone can't be trusted with personal information, they are dangerous to be around, and will soon make you regret you ever got back in touch with them. I was stabbed in the back by people I believed to be friends several times in life, and nowadays I tend to be very cautious. Protect yourself, and your new-found relationship, especially if you value this girl as you say you do. Fun and laughs aren't worth losing a person who really cares for you. |
Posted By: Epignosis
Date Posted: February 27 2009 at 18:19
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If this guy is a friend to you, he will act accordingly. On the other side, I would be completely open with your new girl (if you are comfortable doing so), so that she knows what's going on and will thus be prepared in case something unfriendly happens. ------------- https://epignosis.bandcamp.com/album/a-month-of-sundays" rel="nofollow - https://epignosis.bandcamp.com/album/a-month-of-sundays |
Posted By: The Doctor
Date Posted: February 27 2009 at 19:09
Was about to say almost exactly the same thing. Don't mess with it. It isn't worth it.
------------- I can understand your anger at me, but what did the horse I rode in on ever do to you? |
Raff wrote:Posted By: Slartibartfast
Date Posted: February 27 2009 at 19:32
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Sounds to me that in the detail with which you posed the question you already know the answer yourself. If I can offer anything of value, the last relationship I was in before I met my wife was a long term one. Part of the process in getting to know each other was talking openly about your pasts. If you're trying to build a long lasting relationship with the new person, it can only be done with a foundation of openness. Still, you will have to use some discretion in the pace of revelations, but before you make any serious commitments all the skeletons should be out of the closet. I'm now happily married and we are inseparable. The ex's friend could still be a friend but is best kept at a distance. ------------- Released date are often when it it impacted you but recorded dates are when it really happened... 
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Posted By: Atavachron
Date Posted: February 27 2009 at 21:25
agreed, and I think that answer is probably No you shouldn't start a regular friendship with this guy. Is having friends important? Absolutely, but I'd rather have just one or two good friends I know I can trust. Less can be more, or at least enough. |
Posted By: The Quiet One
Date Posted: February 27 2009 at 21:38
| ^seconded (well actually thirded) |
Posted By: BaldFriede
Date Posted: February 28 2009 at 00:29
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I'll hone in with the rest. That guy is a bad apple - drop him.
-------------  BaldJean and I; I am the one in blue. |
Posted By: Henry Plainview
Date Posted: February 28 2009 at 01:02
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I once saw in someone's somewhere sig "Advice is what we ask for when we know the answer but don't want to admit it."
It's deep, man. Maybe? ------------- if you own a sodastream i hate you |
Posted By: JLocke
Date Posted: February 28 2009 at 11:46
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Well, I have indeed told my current girl what is going on, and she knows all about my relationship with my ex, so I would feel better now with possibly keeping this guy as a distant friend, then in case he WOULD start something, I would be confident that my girl would be prepaired for it already, and I could then cut ties with him and all would still be well in my current relationship.
Thank you guys for your input; it really helped.
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Posted By: Finnforest
Date Posted: February 28 2009 at 12:00
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Micah, late getting in here, but first, your question wasn't dumb or "juvenile." Second, Raffa's post pretty much says it all so I'll just second that. Good luck.
------------- ...that moment you realize you like "Mob Rules" better than "Heaven and Hell" |
Posted By: The Pessimist
Date Posted: February 28 2009 at 16:07
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I say keep away from exes unless you genuinely want them back. Nothing good can come of chasing an dodgy past from my experience, I say keep away from him. If the rumours of him stirring it are true, then you won't be able to trust him, and what good is a friend you can't trust? ------------- "Market value is irrelevant to intrinsic value." Arnold Schoenberg |
Posted By: mystic fred
Date Posted: March 02 2009 at 01:22
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unless you live in a small village where accidental contact with exes is inevitable, get a new group of friends and ignore the s**t stirrer, those people are not friends they live off the "thrill" of messing around with people's heads. Find a new group to hang out with and that may lead to a new girl - and if you bump into your old flame show her you're happy
-------------  Prog Archives Tour Van 
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