Spinoff Thread: You Know You're In a Prog
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Topic: Spinoff Thread: You Know You're In a Prog
Posted By: Shwang_Shwinga
Subject: Spinoff Thread: You Know You're In a Prog
Date Posted: April 22 2007 at 16:34
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Most people (at least I'm assuming, don't cry if I'm wrong here) who appreciate prog are, in fact, musicians themselves. If any of the following thoughts has crossed you or a fellow band member's fragile mind, you are in fact, in a progressive rock band: -Four strings on a bass just isn't enough. As a matter of fact, it's even more awesome when the bassist's instrument has more strings than the guitarist's. -The singer isn't bored after the first 6 minutes of pure instrumentals. -You change time signatures. Constantly. For no apparent reason. -Accuse anyone who does not do so of lacking musical intelligence and not being a true prog musician. -Drummers must have a double kick pedal in order to be prog. -Scratch that, drummers must have both a double kick pedal and a double-bass drum kit. -At least two people in your band are abstract artists. They draw some of the weirdest things, the kind of Dr. Seuss meets MC Escher alternate universe....maybe the kind of thing from a 50's Sci-Fi movie (or a Yes album cover  ).-You may get plenty of gigs, but the chicks all leave out of boredom during the second ambient break... -You have a keyboardist, but he/she never talks... -You cried when Tool's 'Vicarious' lost 2006 "Best Heavy Rock Performance" Grammy to such simplistic music as Wolfmother... -One word: Ibanez. This is not negotiable. - A song under four minutes is NOT prog. If you are stuck with a song under four minutes, insert a phrygian solo trade-off between the guitarist and keyboardist as long as needed. -You're not a Berkley graduate. You're better: you're a Berkley dropout. -You and your fellow band members spend 5 hours a day critiquing other bands on some ridiculous online forum. -You and your fellow band members spend 5 minutes every day actually practicing your instruments. ___________________________________________________________ Make sure your band's name is either a a)Oxymoron -Silent Noise -Tender Harshness -Healing Gun b)Some geeky sounding name ripped from some obscure book. -Deitronus -Tarakoch -Fentaran or c)Random combination of at least 2 three-syllable words. -Eternal Twilight Tranquility(Can`t get much progger than that) -Redolent Arithmetic -Evolution of Vernacular Domesticated Nice. _________________________________________________________ -None of your songs are under 4 minutes. -If anyone calls you out on that in a negative light, claim that they lack musical intelligence and don't understand what prog is all about. -Riffs written in 4/4 are NOT progressive. If you happen to write a cool riff in 4/4 time, alternate between that and a prog time signature, like 7/8, 3/8, or π/5.5. (That's actually a Tool time signature) -Be able to mention 20 bands that no one has ever heard of, not even true prog fans or musicians. Own no releases from these bands. -Stuck in song-writing? Insert a part with a slow single-note gallop rhythm where the singer yells "ENTER THE SUUUNNNNNNNN" several times. -Everything you write revolves around a central narrative that makes almost no sense at all. -Bonus points if these epics revolve around a series of comic books/novels that you or another band member are involved in creating. -If you are the guitarists, you constitute that Robert Fripp, Alex Lifeson, John Pettrucci, Steve Vai, Adam Jones, Steve Wilson, Omar Rodriguez-Lopez and Mikael Åkerfeldt are all gods. -If you are the drummer, you constitute that Neil Peart, Danny Carey, Mike Portnoy, Chris Pennie, Brann Dailor, Martin Lopez, and anyone who's ever worked with Zappa as gods. -If you are a bassist, you constitute that Les Claypool, Victor Wooten, and John Myung are gods. There's some others, but they just weren't prog enough. -If you are a vocalist, you have some favorites, but nobody cares because you're just a vocalist. -You have a not-prog side project that your fellow band members don't know about. ________________________________________________________________ Some of these aren't original, but hey, its a compilation. Appreciate -SS ------------- 
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Replies:
Posted By: Philéas
Date Posted: April 23 2007 at 13:07
| That's how you know you're in a Prog Metal band, not a Prog band... |
Posted By: Angelo
Date Posted: April 23 2007 at 15:42
Haven't checked the rest, but these four might as well just be an indication of musical incompetence..... As for the third one - I agree with Philéas ------------- http://www.iskcrocks.com" rel="nofollow - ISKC Rock Radio I stopped blogging and reviewing - so won't be handling requests. Promo's for ariplay can be sent to [email protected] |
Shwang_Shwinga wrote:Posted By: Morbix
Date Posted: April 29 2007 at 01:23
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Dude, it's a f**king joke. Chillax.
------------- Take everything in moderation, including moderation. 
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Posted By: Philéas
Date Posted: April 29 2007 at 07:01
It's a bad joke though.  |
Posted By: Ghandi 2
Date Posted: April 29 2007 at 13:04
| " π/5.5. (That's actually a Tool time signature)" No, it's not. That is not physically possible to play. Pi is an irrational number, for one thing, and for another, it's not possible to count in decimels. |
Posted By: heyitsthatguy
Date Posted: April 29 2007 at 13:12
you people= at taking jokes ------------- 
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Posted By: rileydog22
Date Posted: April 29 2007 at 16:17
That's exactly what I was thinking when I read that! -------------   |
Posted By: Shwang_Shwinga
Date Posted: April 29 2007 at 20:11
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Christ, you guys are stuffy and humorless.....your lives make me sad.
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Posted By: Ghandi 2
Date Posted: April 29 2007 at 23:56
I appreciate your pity, considering that you know me so very well.
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Posted By: Shwang_Shwinga
Date Posted: April 30 2007 at 16:39
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Wow. I don't know, Ghandi taking a joke and raping it like you did is a pretty dry and humorless thing to do. The time sig thing wasn't serious, I actually read music (gasp), and I know that....no, f**k it, I shouldn't have to justify what was meant as a humorous jab at insane time sigs to someone who obviously takes themselves too seriously. I mean, if you didn't have anything constructive to post, maybe you should've just left.
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Posted By: Atkingani
Date Posted: April 30 2007 at 16:49
Ok, the joke was really amusing (I read something similar about being a prog-fan years ago). 
Shouldn't this thread be placed in the Just For Fun forum to avoid misinterpretation?
 ------------- Guigo ~~~~~~ |
Posted By: purplepiper
Date Posted: August 09 2007 at 21:32
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hmmm...many of these things apply to me...what does it all mean, oh right, it means i'm in a prog band....but i'm not...???????! Well, me as myself is a band in itself, a band called...well, I can't tell you that! I am a sort of abstract artist, and I usually try to avoid writing in 4/4 . ------------- for those about to prog, we salute you. |
Posted By: Shwang_Shwinga
Date Posted: August 09 2007 at 22:16
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What do you play, Piper?
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Posted By: mrgd
Date Posted: August 09 2007 at 23:24
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We could add that all members of the band when acknowledging one another on stage, the audience, the end of a song ,a massive solo, spontaneous applause or other significant interruptions such as the drummers audible flatulence, put their palms together at chest height in the praying pose and bow slightly in the relevant direction.
This is, of course, because we want to demonstrate to the world at large that we are duly reverent, unaffected, unpretentious and at peace with all things, esp. other members of the band ............. Oh , hang on a minute, this is a seriuos thread isn't it........ Well, I'm being serious. I'm like that, aren't you?  ------------- Looking still the same after all these years... mrgd |
Posted By: el böthy
Date Posted: August 10 2007 at 00:46
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eh... no, not at all... ...and it wasnt even funny... what a shame ------------- "You want me to play what, Robert?" 
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Posted By: mrgd
Date Posted: August 10 2007 at 02:14
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This is the 'Just for Fun' thread people and God forbid we're passed the point of having a laugh at ourselves. To quote the star of 'When the Wind Blows', sorry, that's 'Whistle': "Are you 'avin' a laugh? Is 'e 'avin' a laugh?" Apparently not!.....[But there must be more to this though than meets the eye]. So.... K.O.D.  ......people. Good night.------------- Looking still the same after all these years... mrgd |