Humour
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URL: http://www.progarchives.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=341
Printed Date: March 04 2025 at 01:08
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Topic: Humour
Posted By: dude
Subject: Humour
Date Posted: March 15 2004 at 09:22
THE WAY things are going we should rename this entire forum "PROGGY PYTHONS FLYING CIRCUS"...do any of you have any good jokes?!!(lets keep it clean people, after all,we dont want to corrupt the likes of JOREN and ALEXANDER any more than we already have )
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Replies:
Posted By: Tauhd Zaïa
Date Posted: March 15 2004 at 10:43
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yes dudydudy ! Music without smiles and humour is just technical music Discussing music with jokes (and sometimes alcool consumption And now, halt ! I shall ask you three questions : 1 : what's your real name ? 2 : what's your quest here ? 3 : what's the speed of an australian kangaroo (loaded or not) ? ------------- The State Of Grace Is Achieved |
Posted By: will
Date Posted: March 15 2004 at 11:37
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I reckon that the classic jokes are the best. This is a joke i heard and i thought was relatively funny: A duck walks into a bar. Duck: Can i have some bread? Barman: We dont sell bread mate, this is a pub. Duck: OK, can i have some bread? Barman: I've already told you we dont sell bread. Duck: Ummmmm.... Can I hav some bread? Barman: Look, if you ask me that one more time i'll nail your beak to the bar! Duck: Do you have any nails? Barman: No. Duck: Can I have some bread? ------------- Long live progression. Will |
Posted By: Jim Garten
Date Posted: March 15 2004 at 11:47
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Oldies but goodies, eh........ RIGHT
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "dam" +++ Two peanuts walk into a bar One was a salted. +++ A dyslexic man walks into a bra. +++ Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant. +++ Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..." +++ Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullsh#t before +++ What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh ------------- 
Jon Lord 1941 - 2012 |
Posted By: Tauhd Zaïa
Date Posted: March 15 2004 at 12:59
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Totaly absurd : "What is the difference between a chicken and a chicken ? Any ! The two chickens are strickly the same... Particularly the first"
------------- The State Of Grace Is Achieved |
Posted By: Peter
Date Posted: March 15 2004 at 13:51
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A: He was stuck to the chicken! Q: What kind of meat does the pope eat? A: He eats none. ------------- "And, has thou slain the Jabberwock? Come to my arms, my beamish boy! O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!' He chortled in his joy. |
Posted By: Dan Bobrowski
Date Posted: March 15 2004 at 14:02
You mean, nun? How do you keep a Canadian in suspense? . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
Peter Rideout wrote:Posted By: Peter
Date Posted: March 15 2004 at 19:45
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[/QUOTE] You mean, nun? What's your guess? PS: I'm still in suspense, awaiting your punchline.... Duhh! ------------- "And, has thou slain the Jabberwock? Come to my arms, my beamish boy! O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!' He chortled in his joy. |
I couldn't put that on the forum -- there are Roman Catholics and minors, and at least one (official) lady here! For shame!
Posted By: dude
Date Posted: March 15 2004 at 21:34
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JIM:Being dyslexic myself(im not kddiign!!) i loved the bra joke
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Posted By: Peter
Date Posted: March 15 2004 at 23:11
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Sign on church lawn: Beware of goD ------------- "And, has thou slain the Jabberwock? Come to my arms, my beamish boy! O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!' He chortled in his joy. |
Posted By: Alexander
Date Posted: March 16 2004 at 00:04
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We love your mother! ------------- On A Dilemmia Between What I Need & What I Just Want 
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Posted By: Jim Garten
Date Posted: March 16 2004 at 03:23
You're making me feel guilty now for taking you to task over spelling.........  -------------
Jon Lord 1941 - 2012 |
Posted By: Tauhd Zaïa
Date Posted: March 16 2004 at 04:07
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You blaspheme my sons I'll guard your souls for peanuts ------------- The State Of Grace Is Achieved |
!!!Posted By: Peter
Date Posted: March 16 2004 at 09:22
 And I'll guard your shops and houses for just a little more! (Just a little more!)------------- "And, has thou slain the Jabberwock? Come to my arms, my beamish boy! O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!' He chortled in his joy. |
Posted By: Tauhd Zaïa
Date Posted: March 16 2004 at 10:55
Yes Reverent !!! ------------- The State Of Grace Is Achieved |
Posted By: Tauhd Zaïa
Date Posted: March 20 2004 at 07:54
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Why french people have chosen the cock as emblem ? Because it is the only animal who can sing with the paws in the excrements ------------- The State Of Grace Is Achieved |
Posted By: dude
Date Posted: March 22 2004 at 04:37
ER,.. TAUHD....you ARE talking about a chicken arent you????
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Posted By: Joren
Date Posted: March 22 2004 at 05:00
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I just watched Pulp Fiction (GREAT!): (of course this very bad joke |
Posted By: Tauhd Zaïa
Date Posted: March 24 2004 at 01:56
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Yes, like the whale Moby Chicken ------------- The State Of Grace Is Achieved |
Posted By: dude
Date Posted: March 24 2004 at 09:01
| TAUHD to answer your questions !: my real name is..........EGON SPENGLER(GHOSTBUSTER)2:my quest is....to seek the holy quail(i hear its flesh has healing qualities!)3:the top speed of an Australian Kangaroo(is there any other?!!) is approx 50 kph(it can leap over 40 feet and males can stand over 6,1/2 feet tall).i do hope that that adds to the mystery that is....ME!! |
Posted By: StarshipTrooper
Date Posted: March 24 2004 at 13:49
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A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!" "Very good," said her mother "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mummy, Mummy," She yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, b, c, d, e, f, g!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!", and she lifted her tank top to reveal a superb pair of 36D's. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" "No,.it's because you're 28." ------------- 
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Posted By: Dan Bobrowski
Date Posted: March 24 2004 at 14:02
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Why do blonde's wear cotton panties? . . . . . . . . . . to keep their ankles warm. |
Posted By: Tauhd Zaïa
Date Posted: March 27 2004 at 19:58
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Why Blondes never eat bananas ? . . . . They can't find the zip fastener. ------------- The State Of Grace Is Achieved |
Posted By: dude
Date Posted: March 27 2004 at 21:16
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AAHH YES!! women eating bananas,there is something about it that is both erotic and painful at the same time...OUCH !!
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Posted By: dude
Date Posted: March 27 2004 at 22:33
| A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral...A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the sevice..Following the eulegy the heart opened and the casket rolled inside,the heart then closed sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever..At that point one of the mourners burst into laughter!..When all eyes stared at him,he said "im sorry,i was just thinking of my own funeral....im a Gynecologist!"..............Thats when the Proctologist fainted!! |
Posted By: StarshipTrooper
Date Posted: March 28 2004 at 04:14
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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender: -------------
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Posted By: Dan Bobrowski
Date Posted: March 29 2004 at 13:14
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This 60 year old man marries a 60 year old virgin who has been married three times before. On their wedding night he askes her, 'How can you still be a virgin after three marriages?" She replies, "My first was a pyschologist, he just wanted to talk to it." "The Second," she said, "was Gynecologist, he just wanted to look at it." "And the third?" inquired her new husband. . . . "Oh, he was a Stamp Collector."
Private Message me if you don't get it. |
Posted By: Dan Bobrowski
Date Posted: March 29 2004 at 13:20
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Another: An old farmer in Ohio had owned a large farm for several years. He had
a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, basketball court, etc. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave. The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond naked." "I'm here to feed the alligator." |
Posted By: Dan Bobrowski
Date Posted: March 29 2004 at 13:21
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And:
A Navy pilot walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive
woman. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No," he replies, "I just got this state-of-the-art watch, and I was just testing it." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?" The Navy pilot explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically." The lady says, "What's it telling you now?" "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties...." "The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!" The Navy pilot smirks, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing's an hour fast." |
Posted By: Dan Bobrowski
Date Posted: March 29 2004 at 13:32
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What do you call Male Prostitutes in England?
Peter Sellers. |
Posted By: dude
Date Posted: March 29 2004 at 22:20
| OH GAWD!!!!!! |
Posted By: Jim Garten
Date Posted: March 30 2004 at 02:18
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What do you call an Australian in a suit?
The Defendant -------------
Jon Lord 1941 - 2012 |
Posted By: dude
Date Posted: March 30 2004 at 03:08
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WHAT!!! RIGHT THATS IT IM THROWING DOWN THE GAUNTLETS.....oops i just smashed an expensive vase..DAMN THOSE GAUNTLETS!!!........now if only i can remember that joke about the Englishmans Propensity towards infrequent bathing!!!
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Posted By: Glass-Prison
Date Posted: March 31 2004 at 20:37
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how about this... A man wakes up from a coma, and finds his wife sitting next to him. He rolls over to her and says: "You know what, honey, you've stuck with me through all my hard times, when I lost my job, when I lost my house, when I lost all my money, and now this... I just want to say,,," "What is it?" says the wife. "You must be cursed! Get the hell away from me!" |
Posted By: elfangio
Date Posted: April 02 2004 at 17:38
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A kid goes up to his dad and asks: "Dad, what's politics?" "Well son, politics is a lot like this family. You see, I work and make money for the family. I buy things, sell things, and let us prosper. I'm like capitalism. Your mom goes shopping, cleans the house, makes sure we're all happy and healthy - she's like the government. Your nanny is like the working class. You're dependent on all of us, so you're like the people. And your baby brother over there is the future! This is all politics." The son, confused, just goes to bed. He wakes up in the middle of the night, and he's hungry. He hears his brother crying and goes to his room. The baby has sh*t himself. He goes to his parents' room. His dad's not there, and mom's sleeping. He goes to the nanny's room and sees his dad ****ing her. Help obviously not coming tonight, he just goes back to bed hungry. The next morning at breakfast, he says: "Dad! I finally understand politics!" ------------- Great shredding is cheddar cheese on a taco (Ron Thal). "Mr Neal Morse from Mars, by way of Las Vegas and Nashville" |
Posted By: dt_1928
Date Posted: April 04 2004 at 19:38
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how many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
20. 1 to screw it in, and 19 to say how much better neil peart would have done it. ------------- i was uncool before uncool was cool. |
Posted By: Jim Garten
Date Posted: April 05 2004 at 03:01
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How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but the lightbulb really has to want to change -------------
Jon Lord 1941 - 2012 |
Posted By: tuxon
Date Posted: April 15 2005 at 03:37
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An Israeli doctor said, "Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks." ------------- I'm always almost unlucky _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Id5ZcnjXSZaSMFMC Id5LM2q2jfqz3YxT |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: April 15 2005 at 06:03
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A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside." So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up. They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor. There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman." ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: tuxon
Date Posted: April 15 2005 at 09:49
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A couple went golfing one day at a very exclusive course lined with million dollar homes. On the third tee, the husband cautioned, Honey, be careful when you drive. If we break one of those windows, it'll cost us a fortune to repair. Of course, she immediately shanked her drive right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed, I warned you to watch out! Now we'll have to go up there and apologize and see how much that lousy drive is going to cost us. They walked up, knocked on the door, and a warm voice said, "Come on in". When they opened the door they saw glass all over the place and a broken antique bottle lying on its side near the broken window. A man reclining on the couch asked, Are you the people that broke the window? Uh yeah, we're very sorry about that, the husband replied. "Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself." "Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." "No problem," said the genie, "You've got it. I have already put a million dollars in your bank account. It's the least I can do." "And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked. "I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said. "Consider it done. The deeds are now in your name" the genie said. "And now," the couple both asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?" "Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife." The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?" She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering all that, I guess I wouldn't mind." The genie and the woman went upstairs where he ravished her for the rest of the afternoon. Both satisfied each other repeatedly, and afterwards, the genie rolled over and looked at the wife and asked, "How old are you and your husband?" "Why, we're both thirty-five," she responded breathlessly. "No sh*t! Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?" ------------- I'm always almost unlucky _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Id5ZcnjXSZaSMFMC Id5LM2q2jfqz3YxT |
Posted By: Metropolis
Date Posted: April 15 2005 at 10:03
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What green and yellow and eats nuts? Gonnorrhea ------------- We Lost the Skyline............ 
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Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: April 15 2005 at 11:24
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Yo mama so stupid, when you were born she saw the umbilical cord and said, “Hey it comes with cable!” -AND-
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Posted By: Garion81
Date Posted: April 15 2005 at 12:18
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If you ever mowed your lawn and found a car you might be a redneck. If you go to the family reunion just to meet women you might be a redneck Sophisticated people have retirement accounts, Rednecks have the Lottery
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"What are you going to do when that damn thing rusts?" |
Posted By: Fitzcarraldo
Date Posted: April 15 2005 at 15:33
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Once upon a time a couple were celebrating their silver wedding anniversary and also their recent 50th birthdays. During the evening a fairy appeared and said “As my reward for being such an exemplary couple for 25 years I will grant each of you one wish!”
“I want to travel the world with my darling husband!” said the wife. The fairy waved her wand and a pile of tickets appeared at the wife’s feet.
Then it was the turn of the husband. He thought for a while and then said “Well, this is such a romantic day, but a chance like this only happens once, so… well, sorry, dearest”, he said, “but… my wish is to have a wife 35 years younger than me!”
The fairy was shocked, but a wish is a wish, so she waved her wand and… zzzzap! The man turned into an 85-year old geriatric.
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Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: April 15 2005 at 16:18
Tha't pretty good. Not at all what I expected! |
Posted By: Man With Hat
Date Posted: April 15 2005 at 19:00
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An Irishman walked out of a bar. -------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------- What did the knife say to the potato? I'll cut you, papa! ------------------------------------------------------------ --- A pair of pants walked into a church. Five nuns came out. ------------------------------------------------------------ ----- Why does a blonde need a triangular coffin? Every time you lay her on her back, her legs open
------------- Dig me...But don't...Bury me I'm running still, I shall until, one day, I hope that I'll arrive Warning: Listening to jazz excessively can cause a laxative effect. |
Posted By: Man With Hat
Date Posted: April 15 2005 at 19:04
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(not really a joke persay, its just funny. And relevent...) Note: Sometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better. This is one of those. It is a real letter submitted to the IRS the midst of 1995s weird and bizarre denial of dependents, exemptions and credits. The letter speaks for itself. Sirs: I am responding to your letter denying the deduction for two of the three dependents I claimed on my 1994 Federal Tax return. Thank you! I have questioned whether or not these are my children for years. They are evil and expensive. It's only fair that, since they are minors and no longer my responsibility, the government should know something about them and what to expect over the next year. Please do not try to reassign them to me next year and reinstate the deduction. They are yours! The oldest, Kristen, is now 17. She is brilliant. Ask her! I suggest you put her to work in your office where she can answer people's questions about their returns. While she has no formal training, it has not seemed to hamper her mastery of any subject you can name. Taxes should be a breeze. Next year she is going to college. I think it's wonderful that you will now be responsible for that little expense. While you mull that over, keep in mind that she has a truck. It doesn't run at the moment, so you have the choice of appropriating some Department of Defense funds to fix the vehicle, or getting up early to drive her to school. Kristen also has a boyfriend. Oh joy! While she possesses all of the wisdom of the universe, her alleged mother and I have felt it best to occasionally remind her of the virtues of abstinence, or in the face of overwhelming passion, safe sex. This is always uncomfortable, and I am quite relieved you will be handling this in the future. May I suggest that you reinstate Dr. Jocelyn Elders who had a rather good handle on the problem. Patrick is 14. I've had my suspicions about this one. His eyes are a little closer together than those of normal people. He may be a tax examiner himself one day, if he is not incarcerated first. In February, I was awakened at three in the morning by a police officer who was bringing Pat home. He and his friends were TP'ing houses. In the future, would you like him delivered to the local IRS office, or to Ogden, UT? Kids at 14 will do almost anything on a dare. His hair is purple. Permanent dye, temporary dye, what's the big deal? Learn to deal with it. You'll have plenty of time, as he is sitting out a few days of school after instigating a food fight in the cafeteria. I'll take care of filing your phone number with the vice-principal. Oh yes, he and all of his friends have raging hormones. This is the house of testosterone and it will be much more peaceful when he lives in your home. DO NOT leave him or his friends unsupervised with girls, explosives, inflammables, inflatables, vehicles, or telephones. (They find telephones a source of unimaginable amusement. Be sure to lock out the 900 and 976 numbers!) Heather is an alien. She slid through a time warp and appeared as if by magic one year. I'm sure this one is yours. She is 10 going on 21. She came from a bad trip in the sixties. She wears tie-dyed clothes, beads, sandals, and hair that looks like Tiny Tim's. Fortunately you will be raising my taxes to help offset the pinch of her remedial reading courses. "Hooked On Phonics" is expensive, so the schools dropped it. But here's the good news! You can buy it yourself for half the amount of the deduction that you are denying me! It's quite obvious that we were terrible parents (ask the other two). She cannot speak English. Most people under twenty understand the curious patois she fashioned out of valley girls/boys in the hood/reggae/yuppie/political double speak. The school sends her to a speech pathologist who has her roll her "r's". It added a refreshing Mexican/Irish touch to her voice. She wears hats backwards, baggy pants, and wants one of her ears pierced four more times. There is a fascination with tattoos that worries me, but I am sure that you can handle it. Bring a truck when you come to get her, she sort of "nests" in her room and I think that it would be easier to move the entire thing than find out what it is really made of. You denied two of the three exemptions, so it is only fair that you get to pick which two you will take. I prefer that you take the youngest two, I will still go bankrupt with Kristen's college, but then I am free! If you take the two oldest, then I still have time for counseling before Heather becomes a teenager. If you take the two girls, then I won't feel so bad about putting Patrick in a military academy. Please let me know of your decision as soon as possible, as I have already increased the withholding on my W-4 to cover the $395 in additional tax and made a down payment on an airplane. Yours truly, (Note: The IRS allowed the deductions and reinstated his refund.)
------------- Dig me...But don't...Bury me I'm running still, I shall until, one day, I hope that I'll arrive Warning: Listening to jazz excessively can cause a laxative effect. |
Posted By: Reed Lover
Date Posted: April 15 2005 at 19:37
 ------------- 
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Posted By: Man With Hat
Date Posted: April 15 2005 at 20:01
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Yeah i figured as much. Sry ------------- Dig me...But don't...Bury me I'm running still, I shall until, one day, I hope that I'll arrive Warning: Listening to jazz excessively can cause a laxative effect. |
Posted By: Reed Lover
Date Posted: April 16 2005 at 20:10
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Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: April 18 2005 at 07:45
 ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: dude
Date Posted: April 18 2005 at 08:14
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Q: WHY DOES MICHEAL JACKSON LIKE 28 YEAR OLDS?
A: BECAUSE THERE ARE 20 OF THEM!!
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Posted By: Sean Trane
Date Posted: April 18 2005 at 10:54
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Batman , Superman and Spiderman discussing their latest exploits. All a sudden, Superman yells: Hey, last night flying over N Y C, I saw Wonder Woman on the roof of a building , naked , lecs wide opened and having the time of her life. Batman: So what ya do? Superman: You know me!! I took out muy Krypton dick , put on a Zircon rubber and and jumped in Spiderman: And did you make her yell for it? did she scream? Superman: Well her, not exactly!!! However , the Invisible Man...... yes11 ------------- let's just stay above the moral melee prefer the sink to the gutter keep our sand-castle virtues content to be a doer as well as a thinker, prefer lifting our pen rather than un-sheath our sword |
Posted By: Reed Lover
Date Posted: April 18 2005 at 13:50
I had to look twice ( -------------
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)Posted By: Syzygy
Date Posted: April 18 2005 at 15:09
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Well, I'm not a great one for this humour lark, it's the type of thing that's better left to those wacky youngsters in my opinion, but I did hear something the other day which made me chuckle a bit. There were these two chaps on television you see, and one chap (who was rather short and stout) said to this other chap (rather tall and severe looking) "I say I say I say (don't know why he repeated himself)* "What's orange and sounds like a parrot?" (Incidentally, the short chap was wearing a ludicrous check jacket - just to 'set the scene' as it were). Anyway, the other chap (the tall one, with glasses and a decent suit) looked a bit quizzical, and said - what was it - ah yes, "I don't know, what is orange and sounds like a parrot?" so the first chap, and this was the clever part, because by now I was thinking he must be a bit dim, the first chap (short and fat with a loud jacket, you remember) he said - hold on, tip of my tongue, he said "The answer, of course, is a parrot!". Well, all the people in the audience were in hysterics at this, and after a while I saw the 'funny side' myself - as, incidentally, did Mrs. Syzygy. We both enjoyed a quiet chuckle, then had a nice cup of Earl Grey to calm ourselves down. These two chaps had some other 'gags' (as I believe those disreputable show business types say) and if I remember them, I'll post them for some more rib tickling japery. Toodle pip!
*I think he might have been under stress ------------- 'Like so many of you I've got my doubts about how much to contribute to the already rich among us...' Robert Wyatt, Gloria Gloom |
Posted By: tuxon
Date Posted: April 18 2005 at 16:54
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Your a very good storie teller Syzygy a parrot ------------- I'm always almost unlucky _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Id5ZcnjXSZaSMFMC Id5LM2q2jfqz3YxT |
Posted By: Beau Heem
Date Posted: April 18 2005 at 18:27
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Why did the police officer stop Stevie Wonder whilst he was driving a car? Obviously because he is black ------------- --No enemy but time-- |
Posted By: tuxon
Date Posted: April 18 2005 at 18:39
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Stevie Wonder at a Fish-stand
------------- I'm always almost unlucky _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Id5ZcnjXSZaSMFMC Id5LM2q2jfqz3YxT |
Posted By: Cygnus X-2
Date Posted: April 18 2005 at 18:47
I've heard that one before. ------------- 
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Posted By: tuxon
Date Posted: April 18 2005 at 22:22
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The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church. One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!" Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor. After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit. The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, "All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service." ------------- I'm always almost unlucky _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Id5ZcnjXSZaSMFMC Id5LM2q2jfqz3YxT |
Posted By: maani
Date Posted: April 18 2005 at 22:36
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tuxon: I use a version of that myself in some of my preaching. Peace. |
Posted By: PROGMAN
Date Posted: April 19 2005 at 10:19
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I Like Comedy!!! ------------- CYMRU AM BYTH 
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Posted By: Syzygy
Date Posted: April 19 2005 at 13:08
Aside from that minor flaw, I think it was a jolly funny joke. ------------- 'Like so many of you I've got my doubts about how much to contribute to the already rich among us...' Robert Wyatt, Gloria Gloom |
Posted By: goose
Date Posted: April 19 2005 at 14:05
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There was this guy from Britain who was offered a better job in the Aussie branch of his company. So he applies to emigrate to work there, and one of the questions they ask is "Do you have a criminal record?" to which he replies "I didn't know you needed one any more."
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Posted By: Reed Lover
Date Posted: April 21 2005 at 14:04
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WARNING CONTAINS BAD LANGUAGE:
http://www.hudat.com/~florit/Santa.jpg - -------------
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Posted By: Cygnus X-2
Date Posted: April 21 2005 at 18:50
That's TOO funny! -------------
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Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: April 22 2005 at 01:29
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Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a machete to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!" To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a magnum gun and pointed it at him and said, "No you're not! You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book!" ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Cluster One
Date Posted: April 22 2005 at 03:51
I thought the British got picked on about their teeth! Enter Ralph being scared by the 'Big Book of British Smiles'  ------------- Marmalade...I like marmalade. |
Posted By: Dan Bobrowski
Date Posted: April 22 2005 at 11:28
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Posted By: Dan Bobrowski
Date Posted: April 22 2005 at 11:31
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Posted By: Rob The Good
Date Posted: April 24 2005 at 05:01
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Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder's keyboard?
. . . . . . . Neither has he. ------------- And Jesus said unto John, "come forth and receive eternal life..." Unfortunately, John came fifth and was stuck with a toaster. |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: April 24 2005 at 10:58
------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |