James' jokes
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Category: Topics not related to music
Forum Name: Just for Fun
Forum Description: Participate in trivia and knowledge games, share jokes, etc.
URL: http://www.progarchives.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32162
Printed Date: January 19 2025 at 05:20
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Topic: James' jokes
Posted By: Bern
Subject: James' jokes
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 20:06
I and Mike have compiled a list of Chuck Norris inspired James jokes. Here it is. Feel free to invent your own. 
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RIP in bossa nova heaven. |
Replies:
Posted By: The Wizard
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 20:09
 -------------  
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Posted By: Bj-1
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 20:12
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------------- RIO/AVANT/ZEUHL - The best thing you can get with yer pants on! |
Posted By: VanderGraafKommandöh
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 20:40
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This thread deserves a sacrifice.
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Posted By: Arrrghus
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 20:43
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29. James doesn't wash clothes; that counts as work. ------------- 
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Posted By: Bern
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 20:43
Come on James! Don't take it seriously 
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RIP in bossa nova heaven. |
Posted By: VanderGraafKommandöh
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 20:45
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I'm not, but the use of my full name on here disturbs me, sorry.
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Posted By: Arrrghus
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 20:46
He has a point.  -------------
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Geck0 wrote:Posted By: Bern
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 20:48
It doesn't much packs as much punk without the full name sorry  -------------
RIP in bossa nova heaven. |
Posted By: The Wizard
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 20:54
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i can't stop laffing -------------
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Posted By: King of Loss
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 21:00
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30. When Swindon Town is in the English Premier League instead of League Two, it means James has a job. |
Posted By: Atkingani
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 21:27
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Ok, it's funny and friendly but the use of a full name (especially when denied by the subject) is to be avoided.
Bern, could you please put simply James in the first post? Thanks!
 I'll edit the other posts... ------------- Guigo ~~~~~~ |
Posted By: VanderGraafKommandöh
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 21:29
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Thanks Guigo! Bern should also change his sig. -------------
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Posted By: stonebeard
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 21:30
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"James eats Marillion CDs and sh*ts them out as Astrid Proll's debut." Ah, so Astrid Proll's debut is naturally covered in sh*t then?  ------------- http://soundcloud.com/drewagler" rel="nofollow - My soundcloud. Please give feedback if you want! |
Posted By: Bern
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 21:36
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You're getting away with it this time pal
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RIP in bossa nova heaven. |
Posted By: Atkingani
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 21:39
Merci beaucoup, M'sieur! Thanks a lot!  ------------- Guigo ~~~~~~ |
Posted By: Joren
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 21:40
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When the surname will be removed, this post will forever be known as BEST POST EVER... (when you don't count James' posts of course)
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Posted By: OpethGuitarist
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 21:41
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poor James ------------- back from the dead, i will begin posting reviews again and musing through the forums |
Posted By: VanderGraafKommandöh
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 21:42
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My PM's to Joren are much better than this entire thread!
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Posted By: Bern
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 21:42
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31 - Humans appeared on Earth thousands of years ago. At that time, James was already a senior member.
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RIP in bossa nova heaven. |
Posted By: Joren
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 21:54
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James is so hot that he causes global warming. James never listened to music, he 0wns it. Max and Rony founded Prog Archives, but only because James told them to. James can make two posts out of a one-syllable word. There is no such thing as Truth, there is only James. James invented RIO/Avant-Prog. When James has sex, he thrusts his pelvis in 7/8. James has dissonant orgasms. Da James Wortz Mekanïk. |
Posted By: Bern
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 21:59
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Awesome Joren! Here are a couple more : If Waldo was a woman, she couldn't hide from James. Global warming is a possibility. James' post count will one day be so high the internet will overheat and the average Earth's temperature will raise by 5 degrees. When is the only time that James isn't spamming? When the little anti-spam box pops up. Humans appeared on Earth thousands of years ago. At that time, James was already a senior member. On the seventh day, God did not rest. He was recovering from the shock of seeing how high James' post count had already gotten already. The dinosaurs disappeared because Noah couldn't place them in his arch after he had gotten James and his post count in. What came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither, they both spawned simultaneously out of James' monstrously high post count. James' spamming is giving jobs to thousands of internet supervisors everyday. What does James do besides posting? He sits. -------------
RIP in bossa nova heaven. |
Posted By: VanderGraafKommandöh
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 22:00
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James IS RIO/Avant-Prog. Peter Hammill owes his career to James. Bern owes James $1,000,000 Canadian, for using James' name without permission. James makes n00bs look clever. James is the spawn of prog. James invented Québécois prog for his boring Québécois minions to fall asleep to. James isn't as n00by as Ansen. -------------
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Posted By: Bern
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 22:19
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Here are some more : God created neo-prog trying to create a certain balance in a world totally owned by James. It failed miserably. If you spell James in a Scrabble game, you get an anti-spam error message. James doesn't take showers. Computer screens can't take water. James can write accurate biographies of bands that will be formed in the future. James can quote a post that was in fact never written. Some random guy once decided to donate a penny to an African children everytime James would post something. That children is now known as Bill Gates. -------------
RIP in bossa nova heaven. |
Posted By: KoS
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 22:21
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Posted By: Atavachron
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 22:28
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Though he's only heard two Genesis albums, James is comfortable with the title 'Symphonic Expert'.
Though he doesn't care for Tolkein's 'Lord of the Rings', he looks like he just stepped out of the Shire. (love ya, bro)
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Posted By: Bern
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 22:29
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Once, James stalked a girl so much she was traumatized and now hides all around the world. That girl is now known as Carmen SanDiego. -------------
RIP in bossa nova heaven. |
Posted By: VanderGraafKommandöh
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 22:31
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James has a laptop strapped around his waist, so he can be on PA all the time. James is Bill Gates. James invented the Internet, just so he could get Rony and M@x to create PA for his spamming needs. James has been banned from using Spybot: Search and Destroy. Bern wouldn't have been able to see certain photos of a certain person, if it wasn't for James. James has never actually heard a Genesis album in full. -------------
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Posted By: Bern
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 22:32
Good job James!And who are we talking about here? -------------
RIP in bossa nova heaven. |
Posted By: VanderGraafKommandöh
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 22:35
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Mickey the n00b, of course.
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Posted By: Joren
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 22:49
James records every orgasm he has and sends them to Joren by email, to have them put on the RIO/Avant/Zeuhl chart. |
Posted By: Joren
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 22:56
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Most people would touch ["1984"] with a wet penis. James touches it with a dry bumhole. James' heart beats in polyrhythms. |
Posted By: Bern
Date Posted: December 13 2006 at 22:58
Last bunch for today  :James doesn't actually post, the words assemble themselves out of fear. 90% of the users on PA are in fact James with different user names. If you Google search "James posting quality posts" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen. >doh! Bern does it again... TR -------------
RIP in bossa nova heaven. |
Posted By: Abstrakt
Date Posted: December 14 2006 at 10:54
Hilarious Thread! 
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Posted By: TheProgtologist
Date Posted: December 14 2006 at 10:58
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Sorry James,but this thread is CLASSIC!!!!! -------------  |
Posted By: Trickster F.
Date Posted: December 14 2006 at 11:07
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rofl ------------- sig |
Posted By: progismylife
Date Posted: December 14 2006 at 11:09
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Posted By: Bern
Date Posted: December 14 2006 at 12:17
Oops sorry I did it without even noticing  -------------
RIP in bossa nova heaven. |
Posted By: mystic fred
Date Posted: December 14 2006 at 12:22
...a true Proghead!!!-------------  Prog Archives Tour Van 
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Posted By: Trickster F.
Date Posted: December 14 2006 at 12:36
http://www.google.ru/search?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&rls=DVXA,DVXA:2004-41,DVXA:en&q=James+posting+quality+posts - http://www.google.ru/search?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&rls=DVXA,DVXA:2004-41,DVXA:en&q=James+posting+quality+posts
 ------------- sig |
Posted By: bhikkhu
Date Posted: December 14 2006 at 12:38
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Oh man! Bern you killed me in the first post. Okay, here's mine. James was involved in a sleep disorders study. It ran out of funding because they had to pay too many people to observe him during all of his waking hours. P.S. You still haven't listened to an entire Genesis album?! 
To those who scoff. I think between Ivan and I, we have Genesis pretty well covered.
------------- a.k.a. H.T. http://riekels.wordpress.com" rel="nofollow - http://riekels.wordpress.com |
Posted By: Trickster F.
Date Posted: December 14 2006 at 12:41
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In communist Russia James pwns YOU! ------------- sig |
Posted By: Bern
Date Posted: December 14 2006 at 12:41
Thanks and You got a good one. Here's another batch I've just invented : James is in fact chinese for "Neo Prog sucks". James' happiest day ever was when computer was invented. He could finally save time. Craving a post in stone is way longer than actually posting it on a forum. Don't tell James to go outside. He'll probably get lost on his way. -------------
RIP in bossa nova heaven. |
Posted By: Bern
Date Posted: December 14 2006 at 12:42
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RIP in bossa nova heaven. |
Posted By: VanderGraafKommandöh
Date Posted: December 14 2006 at 14:20
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This is all rather premature, don't you think? I mean, Ansen is still the saddest one here.
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Posted By: bhikkhu
Date Posted: December 14 2006 at 14:22
Some targets are just too easy, my friend.
------------- a.k.a. H.T. http://riekels.wordpress.com" rel="nofollow - http://riekels.wordpress.com |
Posted By: Barla
Date Posted: December 14 2006 at 15:34
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POST OF THE YEAR !! ------------- http://www.last.fm/user/Barla/?chartstyle=LastfmMyspace">  
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Posted By: Falling Flower
Date Posted: December 14 2006 at 15:54
O why me darnit?  ------------- 
Tool makes the butterflies in my tumybox go woooooooosh |
Posted By: VanderGraafKommandöh
Date Posted: December 14 2006 at 15:56
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Yes, why you? Debby will easily beat you up in a fight. Be nice. -------------
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Posted By: progismylife
Date Posted: December 14 2006 at 15:58
]
Which hand for which? It is important to know so that the manager of the 7-11 can know what hand is clean enough to touch to end the world. |
Posted By: Mikerinos
Date Posted: December 14 2006 at 16:14
http://www.google.ru/search?hl=ru&rls=DVXA%2CDVXA%3A2004-41%2CDVXA%3Aen&q=%22James+posting+quality+posts%22&btnG=%D0%9F%D0%BE%D0%B8%D1%81%D0%BA&lr= - http://www.google.ru/search?hl=ru&rls=DVXA%2CDVXA%3A2004-41%2CDVXA%3Aen&q=%22James+posting+quality+posts%22&btnG=%D0%9F%D0%BE%D0%B8%D1%81%D0%BA&lr= ------------- 
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Posted By: Mikerinos
Date Posted: December 14 2006 at 16:19
James is the reason for this: Because James never leaves ProgArchives, Tony R felt it would be best to permanently engrave "Geck0" onto the active users list. [ -------------
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Posted By: King of Loss
Date Posted: December 14 2006 at 16:23
You mean When James has sex with his hand, he thrusts his hand in 7/8.
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Posted By: Badabec
Date Posted: December 14 2006 at 17:14
Kyahahahahahahahaha!!! By the way, how long did it take to have so many posts?  ------------- Mesmo a tristeza da gente era mais bela E além disso se via da janela Um cantinho de céu e o Redentor - Antônio Carlos Jobim, Toquinho & Vinícius de Moraes - Carta ao Tom 74 |
Posted By: The Miracle
Date Posted: December 14 2006 at 21:30
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What an amazing thread! I acrualy lol'd even thiough I raqrely do that anymore...
About twice less time than it took me. And he's about to pass me ------------- http://www.last.fm/user/ocellatedgod" rel="nofollow - last.fm |
Posted By: Joren
Date Posted: December 15 2006 at 08:02
Maybe... I don't know about his sex life... |
Posted By: Bern
Date Posted: December 15 2006 at 12:59
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Knock Knock Knock! Who's there? Certainly not James because he's home posting. -------------
RIP in bossa nova heaven. |
Posted By: progismylife
Date Posted: December 15 2006 at 13:07
How could James have a sex life? He spends all of his time posting. |
Posted By: memowakeman
Date Posted: December 17 2006 at 22:33
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Yeah, there were the 60`s and The Beatles created a song called Please Mr. Postman... what you dont know is that actually the original name of that song was "Please no, Mr. Post James" ... We all know that the correct name of they is "apostle", what we dont know is that there`s one of them hanging around PA... his name is apostjames James likes playing soccer, his shoots always hits in the post, and post, and post again...
------------- Follow me on twitter @memowakeman |
Posted By: Bern
Date Posted: December 17 2006 at 23:20
I really like that one-------------
RIP in bossa nova heaven. |
Posted By: Bern
Date Posted: December 22 2006 at 11:50
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Here's one composed by inpraiseoffolly but he couldn't post it and asked me to do it : A common misconception in physics is that gravity is a force that draws objects towards the earth. It is in fact a force that draws objects towards James' high post count. -------------
RIP in bossa nova heaven. |
Posted By: rileydog22
Date Posted: December 23 2006 at 00:12
What does that translate to from Kobaian? -------------   |
Posted By: Mikerinos
Date Posted: December 23 2006 at 22:16
This is what happens when James goes to a Chinese restaurant: -------------
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Posted By: progismylife
Date Posted: December 23 2006 at 22:16
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^^
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Posted By: Bern
Date Posted: December 26 2006 at 21:04
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RIP in bossa nova heaven. |
Posted By: chamberry
Date Posted: December 26 2006 at 21:31
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Best thread ever!!
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Posted By: Bern
Date Posted: December 26 2006 at 22:38
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Once again, inpraiseoffolly wanted me to post a joke : Many people are surprised that there are so many females on progarchives. Sadly, the majority of them go unnoticed, drowned out by James' high post count. -------------
RIP in bossa nova heaven. |
Posted By: Bern
Date Posted: January 03 2007 at 16:10
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And once again (by Inpraiseoffolly) : infinitophobia - fear of james' high post count
James is the modern pinocchio. Every time he lies, his post count grows by one
.If you put two rabbis together in a room, you get three opinions.
If you put two James in a room together, well, no room is big enough
for double his high post count.
Alternate endings to the last one:
If you put two James in a room together, you get a spamming message.
If you put two James in a room together, the computer fries from the high post count. -------------
RIP in bossa nova heaven. |
Posted By: The Miracle
Date Posted: January 03 2007 at 18:00
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------------- http://www.last.fm/user/ocellatedgod" rel="nofollow - last.fm |
Posted By: Mikerinos
Date Posted: January 04 2007 at 01:20
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James doesn't like music, music likes James. Quiet Sun's debut was originally self-titled, but James made them change the name because it sold more than one copies on the first day. (Their only album is called Mainstream) More than 10 people listened to Surge. James now considers himself a sell-out and is suicidal. James's post count killed off the dodo bird - before the internet was even invented. -------------
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Posted By: Bern
Date Posted: January 04 2007 at 01:28
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If you edit a Genesis song title and artist on Media player and replace it for James, it will turn into RIO. -------------
RIP in bossa nova heaven. |
Posted By: Atavachron
Date Posted: January 04 2007 at 01:33
| A meeting of the Don't Believe James When He Says He's Going To Sleep Club, a chapter of the National Insomniac Reptiles Association, will be held tomorrow evening. |
Posted By: Bern
Date Posted: January 04 2007 at 01:35
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Good one! Atrid Proll were originally named The Epics but James made them change their name because it didn't sound obscure enough. -------------
RIP in bossa nova heaven. |
Posted By: Bj-1
Date Posted: January 05 2007 at 09:38
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James' strongest muscles is in his fingers since he post so much. The reason he don't post as much now than before is beacuse they're too big now. ------------- RIO/AVANT/ZEUHL - The best thing you can get with yer pants on! |
Posted By: Scapler
Date Posted: January 05 2007 at 10:14
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James once posted so fast his post count went back in time and killed the entirety of Genesis just before their debut album James sold his soul to the devil for his high post count, then he called the devil a n00b till he gave it back ------------- Bassists are deadly 
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Posted By: Trickster F.
Date Posted: January 10 2007 at 14:04
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James has recently been hired as the new Yes keyboardist. Much like his famous predecessor Rick Wakeman, James uses the keyboard as an extension of his hands. ------------- sig |
Posted By: bhikkhu
Date Posted: January 10 2007 at 14:51
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Here is a little known James fact. His post count is inversely proportional to his review count. ------------- a.k.a. H.T. http://riekels.wordpress.com" rel="nofollow - http://riekels.wordpress.com |
Posted By: Evans
Date Posted: January 10 2007 at 15:05
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'Let's give it another fifteen seconds..' |
Posted By: Mikerinos
Date Posted: January 10 2007 at 23:38
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George Bush made the US spendings report for the war in Iraq look good after comparing it to James's post count. -------------
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Posted By: Chris H
Date Posted: January 10 2007 at 23:46
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James doesnt post, he just pwns the threads because all threads are n00bs. (according to James) ------------- Beauty will save the world. 
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Posted By: Pnoom!
Date Posted: February 21 2007 at 15:44
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James lives in consant fear of someone overtaking him in # of posts.
Thus, he created a new account which he has admitted to no one, and disguised it by giving it a name he would never really give himself (because it's too true), progismylife...
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Posted By: VanderGraafKommandöh
Date Posted: February 21 2007 at 15:56
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Erm, right...
-------------
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Posted By: progismylife
Date Posted: February 21 2007 at 16:09
| Yeah I agree with James on this |
Posted By: Bj-1
Date Posted: February 21 2007 at 22:46
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------------- RIO/AVANT/ZEUHL - The best thing you can get with yer pants on! |
Posted By: Chris H
Date Posted: February 21 2007 at 22:57
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I officially dub this the lamest thread evah! ------------- Beauty will save the world.
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Posted By: The Miracle
Date Posted: February 21 2007 at 23:37
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tis treatest thread ever you n00b!
------------- http://www.last.fm/user/ocellatedgod" rel="nofollow - last.fm |
Posted By: Bern
Date Posted: February 22 2007 at 13:26
n00b! -------------
RIP in bossa nova heaven. |