It's ok, but I preffered your last effort. I preffered the style on the last song I guess. There is some powerful, although depressing imagery in this song, and as Sweetnighter says, the theme is maybe a little over done.

However, I like the verse:

Lying on my broken bed,
Staring at the ceiling,
A spider crawls across it's thread,
I take shelter in my feelings

I very much like the kind of Robert the Bruce imagery of never giving in, having been inspired by the spiders determination. Not sure if thats exactly what you were aiming for, but its how I read the lyrics. It's quite Neil Peart like in that respect, and that will always meet with my approval

Anyway, keep it up and keep 'em coming!

On first reading it seems quite interesting. However take a closer look and the images and metaphors are quite badly mixed up.

If it is raining in the seering heat why arent they rejoicing?

If it is raining the river would have greater stocks of water in it.

The flies would be reduced in the rain.

The rain cannot pour gently from the sky.

That said, it's a 3 star jobby!

I kinda liked the more mixed up and vague imagery of the first song. They were quite like Jon Anderson lyrics, and although I'm not a huge fan of Yes, I've always liked their approach to lyric writing.

Writing a song like this is more tricky IMO, and I think Reed makes some interesting points about images clashing in these lyrics.

Nevertheless, it aint bad.

I wrote lyrics for the band I was in when I was 17 and also for another band I wasn't even in(!),and your lyrics remind me a lot of mine,PB. Except that my command of English wasn't exactly what you might call fluid at that age so there were definitely a few awkward lines scattered around. But you're better than I ever was and certainly show great promise so stick to it but watch out for getting too close to the style of your idols/role models. "The Rain" reminded me a lot of Fish so you should perhaps try to develop and cultivate a stronger personal identity and you'll do fine.

PB, it's a fine effort but like you say, it's Gabriel-ish, right down to 'the kettle boiling on the fire' (a sort of quote from the wonderful 'my head sounds like that' from Up) and some nods to 'washing of the water'.

My suggestion would be to discard other people's work and your admiration for them. Focus on what YOU want from YOUR words, what you want to say. 

Vocabulary isn't the issue either. Many a good lyric has been ruined by the author reaching for the thesaurus every two minutes in a bid to convince people of his planet-sized intellect. Trust me, words are my living (sort of) and I've made the mistake of over-complicating things many times.

Sting is a great example of a lyricist who trips all over himself trying to be clever. Listen to his songs and the lyrics are often cringe-inducing in their attempts to be literate and to impress with his 'vast' knowledge.

It is rare that verbosity is a bonus in any writing (I think Salman Rushdie, Martin Amis and Don De Lillo are exceptions thanks to their awesome command of the language).

My feeling would be keep it simple, focus on what you want to say, think about the sound of the words and the rhythm of their phrasing within the song. The music often lends startling impact to the simplest of sentences.

Pick something that you feel strongly about - good, bad or even strongly held indifference. Try and condense your thoughts into headlines, or colours or impressions, think of apt metaphors and employ them. But above all use the words you are comfortable with, that communicate your feelings and thoughts and make it your own. You will develop a style, as have some of the people mentioned. Gabriel's early work is rubbish, as is Peart's as are the first lyrics of most of the great singers.

If you're looking for an example of effective simplicity try One by U2, it's a good case in point. It is a simple, straighforward yet monumentally affecting lyric, one of the finest I've ever read. You could also have a look at Paul Simon, a fabulous wordsmith who has employed many techniques including cut and paste which is sometimes interesting.

David Bowie did the same and has written some great words. REM's Michael Stipe has written some fantastic stuff as has Lou Reed and his lyrics are incredibly direct and simple. Leonard Cohen is just fabulous and Neil Young has done great stuff.

Not that I'm saying steal from them. Just have a look at their styles and see if there's anything you can learn from them.

Strangely, progressive rock has thrown up few good lyricists with most of the awful words seeming to centre of naff sword and sorcery nonsense or cod-classicism. Peter Gabriel is one of the few good 'uns. Oh, Roger Waters has written great stuff too.

Look elsewhere for good writing and filter it through your own style.

PB don't get me wrong! I didn't mean everything's been done and it's hard to be original. Your take on things has definitely not been done. I merely meant that you should be writing what you want to write and not quoting others (even subconsciously)

Do your own stuff, it'll be much better and you'll find your style and voice that way.

And if I'm right in assuming you're still in your teens then they're a fine effort indeed. Some of the stuff written by people twice your age and with twice the experience and supposed education would struggle to write anything that coherent