Joke
Printed From: Progarchives.com
Category: Topics not related to music
Forum Name: Just for Fun
Forum Description: Participate in trivia and knowledge games, share jokes, etc.
URL: http://www.progarchives.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=20705
Printed Date: December 12 2024 at 13:39
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 11.01 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Joke
Posted By: daz2112
Subject: Joke
Date Posted: March 23 2006 at 15:08
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Anyone want to see if we can make our own joke up??
One line each! Keep going until we agree its the best punchline then start again! If it don't work what the hell!! here we go: There was this old man, ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Replies:
Posted By: Snow Dog
Date Posted: March 23 2006 at 15:13
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who had a problem with his keys ------------- http://www.last.fm/user/Snow_Dog" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: Chicapah
Date Posted: March 23 2006 at 15:26
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He said "I can unlock the mysteries of the universe but when it comes to women..." ------------- "Literature is well enough, as a time-passer, and for the improvement and general elevation and purification of mankind, but it has no practical value" - Mark Twain |
Posted By: Vompatti
Date Posted: March 23 2006 at 16:05
| Then a fairy suddenly appeared to him. |
Posted By: Syzygy
Date Posted: March 23 2006 at 17:20
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But unfortunately he wasn't that way inclined. ------------- 'Like so many of you I've got my doubts about how much to contribute to the already rich among us...' Robert Wyatt, Gloria Gloom |
Posted By: Snow Dog
Date Posted: March 23 2006 at 18:10
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So he said again "I can unlock the mysteries of the universe but when it comes to women..." ------------- http://www.last.fm/user/Snow_Dog" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Vompatti
Date Posted: March 24 2006 at 10:45
| Unfortunately the fairy had already left, so nobody heard him. |
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: March 24 2006 at 10:57
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but then a pixie appeared, ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: Bob Greece
Date Posted: March 24 2006 at 11:03
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and she said "hang on hang on, the punchline's coming". ------------- http://www.last.fm/user/BobGreece/?chartstyle=basicrt10"> 
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Posted By: Vompatti
Date Posted: March 24 2006 at 14:05
| And the man said to the pixie "Were you the one in the band called Pixies?" |
Posted By: The Wizard
Date Posted: March 29 2006 at 21:46
wow...this went nowhere -------------  
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Posted By: jesperz
Date Posted: March 29 2006 at 23:13
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"No, I'm not, I'm in the band name Dixie Drags" said Pixies
------------- <<Dark side of Z' Drummination>> |
Posted By: Vompatti
Date Posted: March 30 2006 at 04:15
| "If this conversation was a joke, it would be a really bad one" said the man. |
Posted By: Zepology101
Date Posted: March 30 2006 at 16:39
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then the pixie said, "Screw this, lets think up a new joke" ------------- 
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Posted By: Vompatti
Date Posted: March 31 2006 at 04:06
| Then the man thought up a new joke, which went something like this: |
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: March 31 2006 at 14:54
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Did you hear about the farmer who bought a pig.... ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: Vompatti
Date Posted: April 01 2006 at 05:20
| ...and when he got home the pig started singing "Supper's Ready"? |
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: April 04 2006 at 14:22
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He said to the pig "Gabriel you can't... ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: Vompatti
Date Posted: April 04 2006 at 15:33
| ...sing that song here, my other pigs can only stand country & western music in the pigsty." |
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: April 04 2006 at 15:41
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"yes but this is progressive music! ask Jethro over there,the pig with a flute stuck in his trotter's & he'll tell you more!"... ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: Vompatti
Date Posted: April 04 2006 at 16:15
| "Is that true?" the man asked Jethro the pig. "I had no idea you pigs were into prog too! Why haven't you told me about this earlier?" |
Posted By: dooshbaggins
Date Posted: April 04 2006 at 19:43
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Michael Jackson is in a meeting with his manager. His manager says to him, "Michael, this child molestation case is killing you. You really need to be dating older people, you know, like 28 year olds." MJ looks to him and says, "You want me to date 20 of them???" ------------- Pull My Finger! |
Posted By: Drew
Date Posted: April 05 2006 at 00:37
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------------- |
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: May 17 2006 at 15:20
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------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: June 17 2006 at 18:25
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A lady walked into a shoe shop, ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: June 21 2006 at 14:41
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and the manageress said.. ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: Camel_APPeal
Date Posted: June 21 2006 at 14:52
| "May I help you ma'am? I have shoes from all over the world" |
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: June 21 2006 at 15:16
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but some of these left shoes don't fit ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: Vompatti
Date Posted: August 09 2006 at 16:30
| because I have a very unordinary left foot; |
Posted By: Vompatti
Date Posted: August 10 2006 at 15:47
| it grows bigger every time I think about fresh fruit! |
Posted By: Vompatti
Date Posted: August 10 2006 at 15:53
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"I can see that it's a little bigger than the right one, but if it really grows bigger every time you think about fresh fruit, the difference is surprisingly small. I guess you don't think about fresh fruit very often?" the manageress wondered. "Oh no, that's not it", said the lady. "I think about fresh fruit almost all the time. It's just that when I don't think about fresh fruit, I think about green unicorns, and that's when my left foot becomes smaller." "You say you only think about fresh fruit and green unicorns, but you must have thought about shoes when you came here, right?" "Not really. I'm not sure what I'm doing here anyway", the lady said and left the shop. When she had left, a priest and a rabbi entered the shoe shop. The priest had a basket full of fresh fruit and the rabbi was riding a green unicorn. |
Posted By: anotherbrick
Date Posted: August 11 2006 at 03:31
| The green unicorn bobbed for Bob Barker! |
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: August 28 2006 at 16:39
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but Bob's mouth was too small, ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: Vompatti
Date Posted: September 10 2006 at 09:04
| so the unicorn got really annoyed. |
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: September 10 2006 at 16:48
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The Unicorn then started to wear frilly dresses which ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: Vompatti
Date Posted: September 10 2006 at 16:49
| caught Bob's attention. |
Posted By: Leningrad
Date Posted: September 10 2006 at 16:50
| "Dang," said Bob |
Posted By: Vompatti
Date Posted: September 10 2006 at 16:57
| and jumped towards the unicorn. |
Posted By: Vompatti
Date Posted: September 10 2006 at 17:02
| "Oh, when will this joke ever end?" cried the unicorn. |
Posted By: the icon of sin
Date Posted: September 19 2006 at 15:09
| A resounding "no!" echoed from a cavernous...cavern |
Posted By: daz2112
Date Posted: September 19 2006 at 15:16
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but people inside the cavern were saying "we want the funniest punchline from a joke ever!!", so ------------- In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole |
Posted By: Vompatti
Date Posted: September 19 2006 at 15:17
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a bishop ran out of the cavern with a sceptre in his hand and shouted out the punchline: |
Posted By: the icon of sin
Date Posted: September 19 2006 at 15:18
| And while smoking liberally from a vat of finest-quality Belgian hashish he proclaimed: |
Posted By: Vompatti
Date Posted: September 19 2006 at 15:20
| Here comes the mother of all punchlines: |
Posted By: Melomaniac
Date Posted: September 19 2006 at 15:21
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42 ! ------------- "One likes to believe in the freedom of Music" - Neil Peart, The Spirit of Radio |
Posted By: the icon of sin
Date Posted: September 19 2006 at 15:23
| The crowd inside the cavern stood abashed, as if the Apocalypse had happened to every house except theirs while they were on the can. |
Posted By: Vompatti
Date Posted: September 19 2006 at 15:29
| Then they had some tea. |
Posted By: the icon of sin
Date Posted: September 19 2006 at 15:31
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The tea was very interesting. Fast and blubous, like intravenous transvestites blubbing under a full orange carton of senseless vitamins.
However:
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Posted By: Melomaniac
Date Posted: September 19 2006 at 15:35
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Tried as they might, they could not understand the punchline they had been given earlier, which was 42. So they had the Cavern Council call a meeting to discuss the issue. ------------- "One likes to believe in the freedom of Music" - Neil Peart, The Spirit of Radio |
Posted By: the icon of sin
Date Posted: September 19 2006 at 15:37
| Colonel Simmons was appointed by the council to detect the perpretator of the lack of punchline. He was short for his height, thin for his weight but tall for his height. |
Posted By: Vompatti
Date Posted: September 19 2006 at 15:39
| It turned out that the real punchline was kept secret by medieval mystics and their pets. |
Posted By: Melomaniac
Date Posted: September 19 2006 at 15:40
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And those pets turned out to be magical creatures created by the mystics, such as : ------------- "One likes to believe in the freedom of Music" - Neil Peart, The Spirit of Radio |
Posted By: Vompatti
Date Posted: September 19 2006 at 15:43
| The walrus-owl. |
Posted By: the icon of sin
Date Posted: September 19 2006 at 15:44
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Within microseconds, Simmons was brutally devoured by a mystic with a carnivorous erection and human's ass ornaments, who had a preference for ingesting the military.
Then followed a gory, scary, terrifying, hideous, token black buddy, frightening, downright offensive, sudden, instantaneous, drawn-out, straight-forward, complex, shiny, dull, hi-larious, sexy, tantalysing, *insert more*
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Posted By: Vompatti
Date Posted: September 19 2006 at 15:48
| somewhat noisy scene, in which, after several twists, the punchline was finally revealed. |
Posted By: the icon of sin
Date Posted: September 19 2006 at 15:50
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*awed silence as everyone senses the end is near*
(the ball's in your court now
 ) |
Posted By: Vompatti
Date Posted: September 19 2006 at 16:02
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-My dog has no nose. -How does he smell? -Awful. |
Posted By: the icon of sin
Date Posted: September 19 2006 at 16:04
| Drum roll used at the end of jokes in seedy bars. All take a deep breath and exhale, wondering if another deadly joke is going to spring over the horizon. Are they right? |
Posted By: Vompatti
Date Posted: September 19 2006 at 16:05
| YES! And the joke goes like this: |
Posted By: the icon of sin
Date Posted: September 19 2006 at 16:12
Ha! That's awesome, I was waiting for that...Now lets have a more cohesive joke, ok?
 An antelope, 2 burglars and a student walk into a bar.
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Vompatti wrote:Posted By: Vompatti
Date Posted: September 20 2006 at 13:03
| "Would you please take your antelope outside", the barkeep says. "Animals aren't allowed." |
Posted By: the icon of sin
Date Posted: September 20 2006 at 18:48
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But before he even finished the sentence burglar #1 had made off with his best croqued cushion covers, and #2 was ambitiously attempting to steal the very dress worn by the barman's wife.
Coincidentally, the student (who turned up for Pound A Pint Night), who just completed his order at the bar, turned and caught burglar #1 accidentaly with the utmost tip of his shoe. The burglar tripped, unloaded the cushion covers into the antelope's gaping mouth (the animals like to eat exotic material - look it up) and proceeded to play snow angels in the wreckage of the previous night's bar fight, including shattered beer glasses, passed-out hobos and torn coupons proclaiming "If you can't get laid here, you can't get laid anywhere! - Come to Jerry's Brothel for hot hot..."; it continued in a similar unsanitary fashion, and the joke will too.
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Posted By: Vompatti
Date Posted: September 21 2006 at 15:33
| The barman's wife managed to scare burglar #2 away with a chainsaw which she had hidden in her dress (for the dress had several hidden pockets). |
Posted By: the icon of sin
Date Posted: September 21 2006 at 15:39
| The barman was surprised he didn't realise earlier. His wife was 6"6, bald, shaven-headed and had tattooes all over her arms and back vowing "death for all". In fact, he wasn't sure it was a woman at all, burglar #2 was quite a big guy and he was so easily chased away by his ordinary, petite wife who made him chocolate brownies on Sundays and tucked him in at night. He looked back over all the times in bed he'd been unable to finish the job, so to speak, and understood that his wife was in reality a male Israeli shopkeeper who generally earned his living selling human skin which came from the victims of various pagan sacrifices conducted only under the blood of a full moon. He still wasn't sure how it happened, or how he suddenly knew so much about this man in such a short space of time. |