Why I Hate Roses

wat

there was this girl i liked who sat in front of me in kindergarten, long story short we ended up in the middle of the kyrgyzstan steppe and we were running low on food so i was forced to consume her for sustenance

Once I fell in love with a girl who danced with me for a while, but then it turned out that she didn't really care about me at all, but her friend did, so her friend then wanted to dance with me, but I knew she was quite insane so I told her that I want nothing to do with her, and she begged and begged me to dance with her, but I said no, and then I left and went to another room where the guys were playing online pool (everyone did back then), and I sat down, but very soon the girl I loved and her insane friend came to me, and the girl I loved said that I have to dance with her insane friend (although she didn't call her that), because she likes me so very very much and wants nothing more than to dance with me, but I said that I don't want to dance with her insane friend (although I didn't call her that) and that I don't have to dance if I don't want to, and soon after that I went to sleep on the floor, and the insane girl sat next to me and tried to pull me up so she could dance with me, but I kept myself down and soon she quit pulling my arm, but then she grabbed a pillow and tried to suffocate me with it, and she was doing pretty well because she had such strong arms and also because she was quite insane, but then her friend whom I loved saw what was going on and pulled her away and went to dance with her, and before they left she said to me that I was being very rude when I refused to dance with her insane friend (although she didn't call her that), who liked me so very very much. Anyway, I guess neither of them loved me after that.

I remember farting and later finding out it was a poop. My poor underwear.

I was making out with a girl and i threw up in her mouth. Too many corn dogs. NEVER MAKE THAT MISTAKE KIDS

Well, I was hangin' with my gnomies, loiterin' at McDonalds like all the cool children at that time. then, one of them bought a small fry and dared me to eat one. I knew what was in those french fried death traps, so I said no way. They dared me, so I took it, shoved it up the kids nose, and RAN LIKE HELL! They naturally chased me, and I ran through the street and was hit by some really old guy in a weird car. He said he wanted to eat my fries, so I gave them to him. His arteries clogged and he died. Then I stole his car and rode to Las Vegas, where I married some waitress after being extermely wasted and then I fled to Canada, and there I bought a gallon of syrup, chugged it, and rode that sugar high all the way back to my home in a Crushd Tin Can, where I lay Packt like Sardines.

it took me the good part of an hour! or maybe a week. My memory's kinda hot since that gallon of *twitch* syrup. What I'm not addicted! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!