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Arioch View Drop Down
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Points: 169 		Direct Link To This Post Topic: Help!
    Posted: November 28 2004 at 20:49

I am a singer with a band and lately we have been going through a bit of a power struggle. I have been the lyricist of the group for a couple years now but recently the guitarist who happens to write most of the music wants to take over with the lyrics as well.

Unfortunately he writes alot of sappy love lyrics and just songs that don't hold alot of meaning. Personally I feel it is hurting the songs we have lately created because the music is reflecting the lyrics which tend to be a bit candy assed. When I brought the complaint to him he said he didn't care much for my lyrics.

When we approached the rest of the band to ask whose lyrics they prefered they wouldn't give us an answer because they didn't want any feelings hurt. So I am coming to you guys because you all seem intelligent indivisuals with good taste in music to get an answer. Do my lyrics suck or what?

Please give me a straightforward answer and don't sugar coat things. I can take it.

Thanks!

Internal Damnation
 
Now that our love faded away
the pain grows stronger with each passing day
I guess I'm better off or so my friends say
So why am I so depressed today?
 
Well I still feel deep down inside
that there's still another chance
no-one knows the feelings that I hide
or my circumstance
each day gets harder now
as the lonliness wears on
but I survive somehow
but no battles have I won
 
You tell me that you're content now
I despise you for your happiness
All the suffering you've bestowed
I'm forced to carry on through this tragic mess
 
Now I know how to kill
warm, loving , relationships
Just let me swallow these pills
If I can't have your lips
All I feel is hurt inside
And the pain is starting to spread
knowing how you have lied
with the poisonous words you've spread
 
There's only one choice I can do
kill my memories to end this misery
and it's all because of you
my hopes and dreams have gone and left me
 
No more feelings left inside
no more pain that I hide
I have tried everything
no more walls left unseen
All my feelings have died
All the tears that I cried
You have taken everything
ripped my soul from my being
 
You've devoured my very soul
You have killed all my goals
and I gave you all I had
now I think I'm going mad
you have kicked me up and down
smashed my hopes in the ground
trashed my dreams in the can
left me for another man
 
The kindle burning in my heart
was quenched by your hate
your soul is like poisoned darts
piercing my weakened state
my very spirits withdrawn
with your sacrificial knife
the harvest we have sown
was reaped by your strife
 
The pain inside my head
has grown cancerous by the day
you forget and consider me for dead
excuse your crime saying I failed someway
you thinking that all went wrong
makes me wonder whats been saved
you left me for a song
now I'm here to rant and rave

 
Knight of the Swords
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Arioch View Drop Down
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Points: 169 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 30 2004 at 03:14

Hmm. No-one answered. I guess I can't blame anyone since if I see this thread I'd probably not answer it either as it is just too long for anyone's patience.
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Blacksword View Drop Down
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Points: 16130 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 30 2004 at 07:07

Hi Arioch!!

Good username BTW

Your lyrics dont suck, they're ok. There's some effective imagery in there and your turn of phrase has its moments, but there are some innapropriate sounding lines, for example;

and I gave you all I had
now I think I'm going mad
 
The pain inside my head
has grown cancerous by the day
you forget and consider me for dead
excuse your crime saying I failed someway
you thinking that all went wrong
makes me wonder whats been saved
you left me for a song
now I'm here to rant and rave
 
The last verse dont sound right. The 'cancerous' imagery is very heavy, and it seems awkwardly contrasted by lines like '..now I'm here to rant and rave' which creates a rather comical image of someone jumping up and down shaking their fist in complaint.
 
 
The overal mood is that of a Morrisey song, but without the irony and dark humour. Lighten up a little and dont force the poetry. Are you writing from personal experience??
 
Anyway, keep it up! Writing lyrics is one of the hardest parts of the creative process IMO.
 
Ultimately bored by endless ecstasy!
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gdub411 View Drop Down
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Points: 3484 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 30 2004 at 15:25
I like it but you seem to repeat yourself over and over on the whole issue. Is that what you meant with the ranting and raving? Also I notice you blame everyone else for your relationship gone wrong and accept any of the blame yourself.
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Reed Lover View Drop Down
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Points: 5187 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 30 2004 at 15:41

Originally posted by gdub411 gdub411 wrote:

I like it but you seem to repeat yourself over and over on the whole issue. Is that what you meant with the ranting and raving? Also I notice you blame everyone else for your relationship gone wrong and accept any of the blame yourself.

Kettles calling pots black.............?



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Arioch View Drop Down
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Points: 169 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: December 03 2004 at 20:11

Thanks Blacksword and Gdub411 for the input. I was actually thinking of dropping that last verse as it didn't sit well with me either.

I am happy you like my name Blacksword. I was actually going to call myself Stormbringer, but then choose this instead. I'm glad I did since Blacksword and Stormbringer are indeed one and the same. This way we are both unique to the forum. Are you a big Moorcock or Hawkwind fan?

The song is one of several tunes all based on a very difficult break-up I had had. I probably have an entire cds worth of music based on this theme. Pathetic, huh?

 
Knight of the Swords
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threefates View Drop Down
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Points: 4215 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: December 04 2004 at 09:49
Originally posted by Arioch Arioch wrote:

The song is one of several tunes all based on a very difficult break-up I had had. I probably have an entire cds worth of music based on this theme. Pathetic, huh?

Not pathetic,.. I have an entire book of lyrics based on the same theme...

 
THIS IS ELP
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